Education Division

Family Movies for the Holidays

2010-11-16T12:39:00.007-05:00

The holidays are here! And that means lots and lots of time spent with and around loved ones. What better way to spend that time than to share some laughter, right? Right.

The following movies are hysterically funny and are sure to bring out fits of laughter in both young and old. What's more, they are filled with messages about building character, developing healthy relationships and positive self-image.

Whether you will be gathering around the sofa with home-made popcorn or out to your favorite movie theatre, you will appreciate this family time spent together!

For more reviews, visit commonsensemedia.org.

Know your Rebecca St James songs!

2010-08-30T13:58:00.002-04:00

Since Rebecca St James is coming to Erie on Sept 18 and 19th I thought you might enjoy watching a video from one of the songs she'll be performing.

Wait For Me.

Family Movie Night

2010-08-18T12:58:00.008-04:00

Looking for a family friendly movie night? Look no further than Ramona and Beezus! This movie comes highly rated by our office staff and their families.

Filled with positive healthy relationships and good role models, this movie is guaranteed to be a new family favorite.

For more reviews, please visit commonsensemedia.org

Rebecca St. James in Concert!

2010-08-04T12:38:00.006-04:00

SAVE the DATE!

Singer, performer, and actor, Rebecca St. James will be coming to Erie, PA for a benefit concert for the Women's Care Center.

Rebecca has won a Grammy award and multiple Dove awards for her talented work in the Christian music industry.

So mark the date on your calendar:

Sunday September 19, 2010 @ 7pm Rebecca St. James in concert at Erie First Assembly of God

For more information, visit our website or call our main office at (814) 836-7505

The Toy Story Dad... What's His Story?

2010-07-26T10:32:00.007-04:00

The following blog is from the Father Factor, a blog by the National Fatherhood Initiative.

This past weekend, my family and I went to see "Toy Story 3." Wow. What a great movie! The dialogue was clever and humorous. The characters and the plot were compelling and entertaining, and the movie has a wonderfully engaging blend of drama and comedy. My sense is that the Toy Story series has run its course. If so, the creators of the series ended on a very high note.

However, there was one aspect of the movie that left me a bit "animated." The plot builds around the fact that Andy, who is now 17, has lost interest in playing with Woody, Buzz and the gang. Accordinly, the urgent crisis for the toys is what would become of them now that Andy would soon be heading off to college.

At one point, there is a scan of Andy's desk and you see a picture from his recent high school graduation. There are three smiling faces: Andy, his sister and his mom. So, for me, the stuffed elephant in the living room was... Where is Andy's dad and what's his story?

Now, I know that this is just a movie, but, unfortunately, art can imitate life. With 24 million kids living in father-absent homes, Andy's family situation is too real and too common for too many children. Nonetheless, this was not an accident or an oversight. Somewhere during the creative process someone made the call to erase dad. Moreover, he was deleted and no reference was made to him. And, well, I am just not comfortable with this new normal.

Interestingly, there was a scene in the movie where I got a sense that Andy was not too comfortable with this either. Near the end of the film, Andy is holding Woody for what will probably be the last time and he says that Woody is his most special toy and that he has been with him for as long as he can remember. He added that Woody was always there for him and, best of all, Woody would never give up on him, no matter what.

Now, you can dismiss this like so much "psycho babble," but it seems to me that Andy, through his imagination and play, ascribed to Woody the attributes of an involved, responsible, and committed father. And, if you followed the Toy Story series, this is exactly how Woody behaved. He was always focused on being there for Andy regardless of the challenges and obstacles. Interestingly, the magic that made Woody a "read" toy was his commitment to Andy, just like what makes a man a real father is his commitment to his children.

In fact, if anyone ever questioned his priorities and purpose, Woody was quick to show them the word "ANDY" written on the sole of his shoe in permanent marker. What an amazing metaphor for what happens to a man when he becomes a dad. I have heard numerous times from fathers how something changed inside of them when they held their child for the first time. Well, I think that children are born with "magic" markers and when their dads hold them for the first time, they write their names on their dad's souls to remind their fathers who they belong to.

I guess that's why I am a bit troubled by no reference or mention of Andy's dad. Because for all of the real "Andys" in the world, their history is linked to their destiny as men and as fathers. Accordingy, they have to come to grip with and make sense of their father's absence in a real way. And there is no erasing that.

Giving Booty Pop the BOOT

2010-07-22T11:01:00.009-04:00

Yesterday I was reviewing our mailing and found myself flipping through the pages of a recent Bed Bath & Beyond flyer.

It was clearly the college edition with cute pictures of dorm room storage units, bedding sets, and even models wearing Snuggie "cap and gowns."

And then I turned to page 19. Amongst the curlers and straighteners was a picture of girl posing and a text bubble that read, "Do I even have a booty?"

Maybe I live in a cave that I've never heard of the Booty Pop, but that ad left me outraged. How dare they prey on the insecurity of soon-to-be college freshman girls who already are wondering if they have what it takes to survive college, let alone question the size of their God-given caboose!

Thoroughly upset about 1) what advetizers are getting away with, and 2) what girls are literally buying and figurally buying into, I began to investigate the website of Booty Pop.

Immediately upon opening the website are you are bommarded with before and after pictures, testimonials of people like Kelli Ripa, and cheesy lines like "the secret is out!" and "go from flat to fab in a POP!"

And then I saw this:

I realize it's hard to read, so let me reproduce it:

WARNING! Wearing Booty Pop panties has been known to make men notice...

(Notice what? How fake you are?)

The makers of Booty Pop are not responsible for all the extra attention you will receive as a result of wearing our product...

(Again, playing on the insecurity of girls who don't feel loved and desperately want attention. Girls, is falsely enhacing your body in anyway the solution? Will he truly LOVE you for who you are, instead of how you look? Or are you just lowering your standards?)

Subsequently the hiring of, and costs related to, additional personal security is the sole responsibility of the Booty Pop customer. (emphasis added)

(Whoa!! Let's talk about this. They are jokingly implying that you'll need to hire security because you'll get so much attention. Attention? Or physically attacked? I think that's called rape ladies, let's not confuse the two.)

I think it's about time we ladies stop buying into the lies of "you need this" and "you aren't beautiful" and need to start giving products like Booty Pop the BOOT.

41 Reasons...

2010-07-09T14:59:00.004-04:00

...to wait to have sex.

Submitted by teens and originally posted on AC Green's Youth Foundation website.

I'd rather say no to my boyfriend than "Yes, I'm pregnant" to my parents.
To avoid STDs.
I don't want to feel guilty.
I don't want the reputation of being someone that people date because they expect to have sex.
I would disappoint my parents.
I might lose respect for the other person, he or she might lose respect for me, and I might lose respect for myself.
Sex is better in a secure, loving marriage relationship.
The thought of having an abortion scares me to death.
Sex gets in the way of real intimate communication.
Sexual relationships are a lot harder to break up even when you know you should.
I'm afraid it may ruin a good relationship rather than make it better.
There are better ways to get someone to like you.
You won't have to worry about birth control side effects.
I'm not emotionally ready for that intense of a relationship.
I could become scared of my partner.
I don't want to hurt someone I really care about.
Sex could become the central focus of the relationship, like an addiction. At that point it is no longer a meaningful relationship, but we are using each other to satisfy sexual desires.
You begin to compare sexual experiences, leading to lots of disappointments.
I don't want to make myself vulnerable to being used or abused sexually.
If I'm hurt too many times, I might miss out on something great because I'm so afraid of being hurt again.
I like my freedom too much. Sexual relationships are binding.
I'm only sixteen.
I'm proud of my virginity, and I want to stay that way.
Building a relationship in other ways is more important.
I don't want to risk becoming someone's sex object.
I want my first experience to be a good one with someone who won't laugh at me, reject me, or tell lies about me, and who I know will always be there tomorrow.
It's possible to enjoy ourselves without getting sexually intimate.
Why rush into something that could be lousy or mediocre now, when it could be great later?
I don't want sex to lose meaning and value so that I feel "sexually bankrupt."
I am afraid that at this age it might not meet my expectations, and I will be seriously disappointed.
I don't want to risk ending a relationship by our hating each other because of it.
I might find it painful and the other person rough and uncaring.
I don't want the boy to brag about scoring with me.
It's the safest way not to become pregnant.
You may feel invaded, and you can't take it back after it's happened.
You may have to grow up too fast and too soon.
Sex may become the only thing that keeps the relationship together.
You may have sex too early to really enjoy or understand it.
You lose the chance to experience the "first time" with someone who really cares for you.
I want my most intimate physical relationship to be with the one I marry.
Sex brings feelings of jealousy, envy, and possessiveness. Every relationship changes.

Beautiful, Must See Commercial!

2010-06-28T16:17:00.007-04:00

Saw this new "wear your seat belt" commercial the UK is running and loved it. A beautiful depiction of why your loved ones want you to be safe.

And not only with wearing your seat belt, but also making healthy choices about drinking, drugs and premarital sex. Because when it comes down to it, poor choices always affect more people than just yourself. It affects everyone who cares about you.

Fathers Who Are Husbands Spare Children from Poverty

2010-06-22T11:34:00.011-04:00

An excellent article by the Heritage Foundation, written by Ken McIntyre.

A wedding ring on Dad’s finger is more than a symbol of his commitment to Mom. It also proves to be the ultimate anti-poverty weapon for their children. Now that’s something to celebrate and encourage this Father’s Day. It’s fitting on Sunday to honor all the fathers who strive to keep that commitment, even when they grow weary.

“The principal cause of child poverty in the U.S. is the absence of married fathers in the home,” Robert Rector, senior research fellow in domestic policy studies at The Heritage Foundation, writes in a new paper. “Marriage is a powerful weapon in fighting poverty. Being married has the same effect in reducing poverty as adding five to six years to a parent’s education level.”

In the paper, accompanied by 12 new charts on marriage and poverty, Rector illustrates the severe social costs of record-high births outside marriage – and of homes without fathers.

The escalating rate of births to unmarried women – four of every 10 babies overall, but more than half the Hispanic births and a staggering seven of every 10 births for blacks – is driving the collapse of marriage in America, especially in lower-income neighborhoods.

As Rector writes:

Marriage matters. But mentioning the bond between marriage and lower poverty violates the protocols of political correctness. Thus, the main cause of child poverty remains hidden from public view. Since the decline of marriage is the principal cause of child poverty and welfare dependence in the U.S. …it would seem reasonable for government to take steps to strengthen marriage.

About two of every three poor children live in single-parent households. Yet if poor single moms married the fathers of their children, nearly two out of three would be lifted out of poverty.

And contrary to the mainstream media line, teen pregnancy is a small part of the picture: In 2008, the most recent year for which data is available, babies born to girls under 18 accounted for 130,000, or 7.5 percent, of the total 1.72 million out-of-wedlock births.

It’s not as simple as young men “manning up” and becoming the lawfully wedded husbands of their girlfriends, live-in or otherwise. These unmarried mothers tend to be in their 20s, without much income or education. They come to depend on public assistance; many learn how to work the welfare system.

Research shows that a child raised in a home where Dad is married to Mom is much less likely to live in poverty, get arrested as a juvenile, be suspended or expelled from school, be treated for emotional or behavioral problems, or drop out before completing high school. Taxpayers foot the bill for more than $300 billion a year in means-tested government spending on low-income single moms – and, in relatively rare cases, single dads.

One budding national leader, himself a young husband and father, nailed the poverty portion of the tragedy of absent fathers when he cited similar statistics five years ago and wrote:

In light of these facts, policies that strengthen marriage for those who choose it and that discourage unintended births outside of marriage are sensible goals to pursue.

Those words come from husband, father and then-Senator Barack Obama’s 2006 best-seller “The Audacity of Hope.” He was correct then, and he should implement marriage-strengthening policies today.

To reinvigorate marriage in lower-income neighborhoods, Rector suggests, government could start by providing facts on the role of healthy marriages in reducing poverty and improving the well-being of children. Why not teach skills for selecting a wife or husband? Why not explain the importance of developing a stable marital relationship before bringing children into the world?

Nothing could be further from government practice. In social service agencies, welfare offices, schools and popular culture across America, what Rector calls “a deafening silence” reigns on the topic of marriage. The welfare system actively penalizes low-income couples who do get married. He adds:

For most on the Left, marriage is, at best, an antiquated institution, a red-state superstition. From this viewpoint, the real task is to expand government subsidies as a post-marriage society is built.

Rather than adopt policies to reverse the 50-year spike in births outside marriage, though, President Obama in his 2011 budget “would eliminate the one program dedicated to encouraging healthy marriage,” notes Jennifer A. Marshall, Heritage’s director of domestic policy studies.

Marshall writes:

In its place would be a program promoting a notion of ‘fatherhood’ that doesn’t involve the father being married or in the home. The facts speak for themselves. It’s time more policymakers noticed what the facts are saying.

Something to think about, Mr. President. Happy Father’s Day.

Love Shouldn't Hurt

2010-06-16T11:29:00.004-04:00

Dating violence is a serious issue which isn't ignored at the Women's Care Center. From our staff who counsels couples towards healthy relationships to our educators in the classroom teaching on the "con games" in relationships, we are developing hope in and for our community.

That is why this recent blog by I Am That Girl was so sad to me. Sad because it involved dating violence in my hometown of Charlottesville, VA. Violence which ended in a murder. Sad because no one said anything. Sad because it could have been prevented.

Love Shouldn't Hurt

by Ashley Thill

Could she have been saved? That is the question on the minds of many after the death of Yeardley Love. Love was a lacrosse player for the women’s team at the University of Virginia. She was a beautiful and sweet 22-year-old, set to graduate. She was found dead in her apartment nearly a month ago. Her ex-boyfriend, George Huguely, a fellow lacrosse player on the men’s team, stands accused in the case of her murder. After the story broke, more news came forward about Huguely’s violent and obsessive ways. Those near Love and Huguely seemed to recognize his temper and his fixation on Love. Yet no one came forward or said anything. This is why the University of Virginia and the nation is reeling about whether Yeardley Love’s murder could have been prevented.

Huguely’s lawyers are calling his actions “an accident with a tragic aftermath.” However, dating violence is no accident and should not be treated as such. The National Violence Against Women Survey, co-sponsored by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and the National Institute of Justice, reported that nearly 25% of women report being physically assaulted or raped in their lifetime. That adds up to nearly 4.8 million female victims of intimate partner violence each year.

Many young people who are victims of dating violence often don’t realize that there is something wrong. They have little experience and may think that it is “normal” relationship behavior or it will stop. Obviously, none of the people around Love thought to go to someone about Huguely’s behavior toward her nor does it appear that Love did so herself.

Dating violence isn’t just physical either. The CDC classifies different forms of dating violence as verbal, emotional, physical and sexual. The last two are often the most focused on but verbal and emotional abuse can take a toll; they also may be the least recognizable. These types can be confused as teasing (such as when dating partners call each other names) or as a sign of love, like when someone threatens to hurt him or herself if a partner expresses desire to end the relationship.

The most important thing is to educate adolescents so they learn from a young age to recognize dating violence. Incorporating curriculum about dating violence into health classes is one way to ensure young people are exposed to signs of violence and abuse early.

The saddest part of this whole story is that Love’s death probably could have been prevented, if someone had intervened. Now not only is this young woman dead, but Huguely faces life in prison. If something had been done, both Love and Huguely could have gone on to lead fulfilling lives. It’s our turn as a society to learn something from this tragedy and prevent cases like it form happening in the future.

Ideas from the Dating Divas

2010-06-03T12:56:00.009-04:00

I stumbled upon a blog by the Dating Divas who describe the blog as such:

Once upon a time, there were a group of FABULOUS divas...twelve to be exact...who realized that they all had the same problem! Each of them was married to a super-duper hottie, of course, but they were discovering that they were letting LIFE take over...and weren't focusing on their husbands as much as they would like! Since these divas were so fabulous and all...they quickly came up with a plan. They would take turns posting a super fun, creative, AND inexpensive date each week on their "Dating Divas" blog! And, of course, being the fabulous divas...and all..they decided to share those dates with the rest of you!

Sounds like fun, huh? Wait until you see their awesome posts.

This one has got to be one of my favorite: Couples Minute to Win It, taylored after the TV game show. Included on their blog is a ready made invitation that you can use to host your own Minute to Win It party.

If your dating life has gotten too routine (whether your single or married) try out some of their and let us know how it goes!

Or, if you're creative come up with your own and contact the Divas!

Teen's Biggest Influence is...

2010-05-05T10:43:00.005-04:00

Because today is National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, I wanted to highlight those individuals who have the biggest impact on teens: parents!

Again and again teens say that parents influence them more than friends, the media, or any other source. Encouraging, isn't it?

So parents, are you using your influence to guide your child toward success and healthy relationships? Check out this video in which teens are crying out for their parents to just talk with them about sex.

Talk to Me PSA...

For more parent information on talking with your teen about sex, please visit: 4parents.gov

The Quiet Revolution on College Campuses

2010-04-29T14:31:00.010-04:00

This morning I read the article below on Townhall.com. Not only is it a great look at the changing trends with today's generations, but also rings true with our own experience with a local Erie college.

In the fall, the Women's Care Center hosted an event at Gannon University called, Hooking Up & Breaking Down - the Missing Links in Relationships. During the event we spoke to the harms of the hook-up culture and the benefits of delaying sexual activity until marriage.

We left the students eager to make a stand for abstinence and excited for the benefits of marriage. The revolution isn't just happening at other campuses, but right here in Erie, PA!

The Quiet Revolution on College Campuses
Janice Shaw Crouse

There’s a quiet revolution happening on the nation’s school and college campuses. While the students still live in a sex-saturated culture, and while researchers claim that at least 75 percent of college students are part of the “hook-up” generation, more and more students are opting out of the sex scene. It is far too early to declare a new trend, but there are encouraging signs of a new respect for abstinence and dating, instead of recreational sex.

Part of the change of attitude and behavior comes from college students seeing the consequences and repercussions of recreational sex.

College counselors report that they are seeing a dramatic increase in sex-related problems on campuses. A just-published article in Professional Psychology reveals over three-quarters of clinic directors (77.1 percent) noted increases in “severe psychological problems.” Over the past decade, counselors report that depression cases doubled, suicidal students tripled and sexual assault cases quadrupled. Sexually transmitted diseases are rampant in a culture where it is not uncommon for students to have sex with several partners; they call it “concurrency.” About one in four women and about one in five men have HPV. Other STDs, like Herpes, Gonorrhea, and Chlamydia, are also common among students — an estimated two-thirds of STDs occur among those under age 25.

The prevailing message about abortion is that it is a “choice,” but far too many of today’s college women have seen a friend be abandoned by a guy or coerced to have an abortion when he finds out she is pregnant.

Wonderful books are available and are having impact with college students and young careerists. Wendy Shalit’s book, The Good Girl Revolution: Young Rebels with Self-Esteem and High Standards, and her original book on modesty, A Return to Modesty, are having profound influence. Miriam Grossman’s Unprotected lays out the consequences of promiscuity. Carol Platt Liebau’s, Prude: How the Sex-Obsessed Culture Damages Girls, reveals the “minefields” that today’s students have to navigate in their sexually “ramped up” world.

Julie Klausner warns smart women not to be reckless with their hearts or bodies in I Don’t Care about Your Band. Joe McIlhaney, Jr., and Freda McKissic Bush have written a book of scientific data on casual sex, New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting our Children. Laura Sessions Stepp, author of Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both, describes the shift of “power” away from women in the hook-up culture and noted that many young women cannot handle the physical and emotional battering that they suffer in the new hook-up landscape.

Meg Meeker’s Your Kids at Risk: How Teen Sex Threatens Our Sons and Daughters is also a no-holds-barred treatise about consequences. In her book, Hooking Up: Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus, Kathleen Bogle writes about how co-eds long for a return to traditional dating. All these books, and numerous others, are being read by today’s generation of students, and they are having a positive impact on student behavior.

Plus, there are some very savvy outreach programs gaining popularity on college campuses. Foremost among them is the Love and Fidelity Network, which currently has chapters on about two dozen high-profile campuses, including Princeton, Harvard, and Notre Dame. This very popular program, with distinguished Princeton professor Robert George in leadership, provides well-attended forums and discussion groups promoting abstinence, sexual integrity, and marriage. The Ruth Institute, headed by Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse, provides speakers for campus events and quality research on the benefits of marriage.

In addition, there are some pop cultural changes afoot with pop stars sending countercultural messages. Lady Gaga created a media frenzy recently when she told the press that she was going celibate and suggested that others do the same. Former American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson released a song, “I Don’t Hook Up,” where she declared that she didn’t hook up and she didn’t “come cheap.” On Facebook, there’s a girls’ group called “Bring Dating Back” for girls who want guys to take them out on a real date rather than head straight for a bed.

But arguably, the most influential cultural statement lately among the youngest teens was a few subtle lines in a #1 hit song, “Fifteen.” Taylor Swift, one of the most popular of today’s country music stars, sang poignantly about “realizing bigger dreams” than the high school boyfriend, and about crying with Abigail “who gave everything” to a boy who “changed his mind.” She said in a recent interview, “I wouldn’t be a party girl even if I wasn’t doing this [songwriter and performer]; that’s just not the way I live my life.”

At last, our young people are hearing the truth from some pop stars, and they are getting solid information, including the quality abstinence programs that have been given wider distribution over the past decade. Today’s youth are hearing from multiple sources about the benefits of self-respect, self-restraint, and learning to say “no.” Perhaps a trend is underway after all; we can only hope and continue to challenge the nation’s young people to live up to their highest potential.

For Your Eyes Only

2010-04-22T10:26:00.005-04:00

Modestly Yours is a blog which we've been following for sometime after having the honor of meeting some of the strong, independent and intelligent women who write for it.

Just in case you've never checked out what they have to say, here's a recent post which will really cause you to ponder the POWER of modesty and what lessons we can learn from other cultures.

For Your Eyes Only
by Erica Z.

I thought I'd share an experience I had this past week.

But first, a small intro, since I never formally introduced myself: I'm originally from Philadelphia, but I'm currently studying at a yeshiva for Jewish women in Jerusalem, Israel. Every weekend, I celebrate Shabbat, the Jewish Sabbath, which lasts from sundown Friday until sundown Saturday. I am invited to a different family each week for the festivities--eating, shmoozing, praying, learning, and eating some more. I have found throughout my travels that even within the Orthodox Jewish world, there is an enormous spectrum of philosophies, perspectives, and customs.

I spent this past Shabbat with two friends at the home of a young, newly-married Chassidic couple. After Rivky (our cute, talkative financial advisor from New York who doubles as our friend and confidante) invited me to her home, she said, "By the way, I have to warn you. My husband does not look at or talk to women. But he loves having guests." I was startled. I know that Orthodox men are careful not to gaze at immodestly dressed women, or to stare in an inappropriate manner at any woman. I had even heard of this added stringency to which men from some Chassidic sects of orthodoxy adhere, to not look at women besides their wives. But what startled me was how Rivky seemed to beam with pride as she said this. "He is really into guarding his eyes," she continued, her own eyes twinkling.

Sure enough, her husband did not steal any glances of his three female guests. Nevertheless, he warmly welcomed us when we arrived and wished us a good week when we left. He even made us eggs for the traditional, small meal after sundown on Saturday evening. He did all of this with a big smile, but with his eyes directed downward. At the dinner table, he did not talk to us directly. He gently spoke to Rivky in Yiddish, telling her stories and words of Torah. After listening to him intently, she brightly related everything to us in English. Sometimes I saw him smiling or nodding in response to things we said. After dinner, I stayed up late talking with Rivky. Much of our conversation centered on ideas about modesty, in behavior and appearance, something she feels is a pillar of her life and her role as a Jewish woman.

The next morning, we woke up in an empty apartment--the couple had already gone to the synagogue--to find three coffee cups with saucers and shiny spoons placed in a perfect line on the kitchen table, accompanied by a plate of pastries. Each cup contained instant coffee and sugar. When I later thanked Rivky for the thoughtful gesture, she giggled. "It wasn't me. It was my husband." I looked over at her husband, who had heard this exchange. He was sporting a toothy smile.

I walked away from Rivky's home with a refined understanding of a once-foreign lifestyle. And some questions... Is there such thing as too extreme when it comes to modesty? Or is it because we have become so desensitized that going "too far" from the norm of skimpy outfits and cat calls seems equally offensive?

Is modesty a long-lost virtue to which some hold a secret key?

The "P" Problem

2010-04-20T11:15:00.005-04:00

Yesterday I was discussing the problem of pornography with a college student. It seems we've all been impacted by this addictive yet multi-million dollar industry. Fathers, husbands, brothers, friends...each exposed while young and trapped in the lust cycle that never seems satiated.

So when I saw this article in CitizenLink.org on the problem of porn, I knew I had to share.

The article interviews Mary Anne Layden, a psychotherapist at the University of Pennsylvania who treats sexual violence victims, perpetrators, sex addicts and members of the sex industry.

1. What are you finding about the dangers of pornography?

One of the ways I think that people know it’s harmful is when I treat sex addicts. At some point in the treatment I will say to them, Would you want your wife to be a prostitute? You want your daughter to be a stripper? You want your sister to be a porn model? A hundred percent of them say no.

They know it’s damaging. They just don’t want the women they love to be damaged. They want other people’s wives, other people’s daughters, other people’s sisters to engage in those activities. It’s kind of a sexual entitlement with a narcissistic twist to it. I want this pleasure but I don’t want my wife, my sister, my daughter to be damaged.

There’s also research done on the damage done by pornography. There are hundreds of studies that look at hundreds of variables. We see damage in terms of their attitude. They become more callous. They become more judging of women.

2. What does the process look like of people becoming addicted to sexually explicit images?

It does take time, and it depends on when you break into the cycle as to seeing what’s actually happening with them. Regrettably, children are now the ones that are exposed to pornography, because of the Internet. The progress of this problem starts very early. Some studies say that children as young as 7 are being exposed. When you start at 7, by the time you’re 20, 30, you’ve got a couple of decades of exposure to this material. So, you see it building up in the message that is both hostile to women and says that sex is a non-intimate, recreational activity that’s degrading, exploiting. And, that message, hostility to women, mixed with the idea that sex is adversarial and casual and recreational, those are the two factors that ultimately lead to the sexual violence that we’re seeing.

If you have used the material to the point where you are now addicted to it, you absolutely will be living a double life. Part of the addictive process is not just denial that there is a problem. The addict is clearly going to have to lie and hide what he is doing. This kind of behavior starts to take over your life more and more. (You) don’t want to go to social activities because it takes you away from Internet porn.

The hidden life, the day man and the night man, get disassociated from each other. It starts to control you rather than you controlling it. Then you start to see all of these problems come up: Changes in attitude, changes in escalating behavior. These men are more likely to go to prostitutes, to engage in risky sexual behavior.

3. How does it affect women?

Women have talked to me in therapy sessions when their husbands are using pornography. They (the couple) have been to a therapist who suggested that they use pornography. The therapist said, This will spice up your sex life. They’ll (women) tell me initially it did spice up our sex life. We did start having more sex and it was more intense, but over time it decreased our emotional intimacy.

4. How has the Internet worsened the problem?

Pornography used to be something that you had to go to the edge of town: (A) sleazy place, slink in public and go to the porn shop and get it. Now you don’t have to slink anywhere. We have a pornography pipeline into our house available 24-7 so that we don’t even have to go anywhere. It’s available instantly. Much of it is free, so that makes a dramatic change. It’s also anonymous. We don’t have to worry that somebody’s going see us in the porn shop.

5. Is there hope for people dealing with this problem?

There is good treatment. It’s long and involved treatment, and it means a commitment by the addict and a support system in which they look at and acknowledge their behavior – how they’ve broken their own promises and violated their own values. Commit yourself to be psychologically healthy, spiritually healthy and then engage in the process of relearning a healthy sex life; relearning a self-esteem that’s not based on the sexual behaviors that you’re engaged in.

It means backtracking and getting truly clean and sober from the material that you’re using. It’s not a problem that we’re going to solve just with therapists. We’ve got to have society come together and say, This material is toxic to all of us. We need journalists, lawyers, educators, everybody to work together to solve this problem, because we won’t therapize our way out of this. We won’t fix this by just dealing with the victims who have been victimized by this. The whole society has been victimized by this.

Source: citizenlink.org

http://www.citizenlink.org/CLtopstories/A000012427.cfm

Mobile Sexualization: Kids Bikes and Sex

2010-04-13T09:40:00.012-04:00

Yesterday I came across this blog, written by a Melissa Wardy, a mother and founder of Pig Tail Pals, who is defending the definition of girly and calling out for innocent childhood instead of age inappropriate sexualization by the media and socially irresponsible companies.

We commend her because we believe more parents need to be defending and protecting their children from sexual messages from the media and the community. After all, a connected child is a protected child!

*Reproduced with permission. Enjoy!

Recently, I was shopping with my four year old daughter, comparing prices for her first bicycle. Going on bike rides as a family while growing up is a fond childhood memory of mine, so I was quite excited about Amelia (the Original Pigtail Pal) reaching this milestone. Her grandparents already had a bike waiting for her at their house to use on our visits. My husband and I were looking forward to teaching her to ride this spring so she could razzle dazzle them during our next visit.

My enthusiasm quickly diminished. I was expecting the limited and stereotypical pink/purple/turquoise color choices. I was expecting sparkles and butterflies. I was expecting almost all of the choices to be character branded with my friends from the Disney Princess crew, Hannah Montana, Barbie, etc.

What I wasn’t expecting was that even children’s bicycles have become sexualized. Of all things, the quintessential part of childhood – a first bike – carrying a sexualized message on it. What, might you ask, had me so up in arms? A Huffy bike model, sized 16 inches, displaying the words “Major Flirt” on it. (Recommended for ages: 3-6 years old)

Huffy 16inch Girls Bike: "Major Flirt"

I was shocked. Disgusted, actually. In this day and age, in our hyper-sexualized society, is it really in the best interest of our children to send them freelancing around the neighborhood on a bike letting everyone know they are a flirtatious coquette? And, is “Major Flirt” as bad as Huffy’s “Hot Stuff” 16 inch model, also recommended for 3-6 year old girls. Do 3-6 year old girls have stuff that is hot? Should girls of that age be flirting?
I don’t think so. I went home and researched bike selections at the popular big box stores like Target, K-Mart, Walmart, etc. In the price range we were looking for our daughter’s first bike (under $80), these were the model names from numerous manufacturers: So Sweet, Pop Star, Dream Journey, Spring Fling, Hot Stuff, Major Flirt, Daisy Diva, Sea Star, Twirl, Pizazz, Mist, DeeLite, Jasmine, Precious, and Candy.

Maybe with those names, I’ll be lucky enough to find Amelia a bike helmet that reads “Stepford Wife in Training”. With the exception of ‘Sea Star’, every single model name referred to sweet behavior, sexual behavior, attractive appearace, or a princess. Ugh. So maybe I should let this go and just buy her a Dora bike. It would be easy enough for me to say “That’s not for my child” and choose to spend my money elsewhere. But what about the kids whose parents don’t think that way? This isn’t just about me and my child. It is about all of our children. Remember, the 15 bike models listed above are the top sellers at the major retailers which means: 1) they are mainstream, meaning they are most readily available to the highest number of people, and 2) they are what people are buying because they are what the stores are stocking.

Unless you’re one of the lucky kids with a giant unfinished basement and get to ride your bike indoors, most kids ride their bikes outdoors. In public. Where anybody can see them. So what happens to the little girl who is unfortunate enough to be alone and ride her “Hot Stuff” bike past a group of older boys who surround her and start questioning her on how hot her stuff really is? Can a six year old handle that? Should she have to?

When I first called Huffy Bike Customer Service and asked to speak to someone about the sexually charged children’s bike names, I got the response from two different reps, “Um, no one has ever asked us that before.” Fine. But I was asking now. And I demanded to speak to someone in the marketing department. Ultimately, I received a call from Huffy Bike headquarters and had two very nice conversations with a marketing manager, a mother of two grown daughters. She told me she understood my concern, and told me when Huffy came up with these names ‘Hot Stuff’ and ‘Major Flirt’, they were influenced by fashion and what was popular in girls clothing at the time. She informed me that due to “a number of calls from parents” about these names, Huffy was no longer manufacturing them. Because they are still carried in stores, I asked if Huffy provided stickers or anything that parents could use to cover up the words. She said no. Although still available at retailers and promoted on their website, she said Huffy was trying to be more sensitive to those kind of things. So, I asked for a statement reflecting such. Instead, I got this:

Huffy has been working to help parents and children with bicycling for years. We’ve never seen ourselves as just bike manufacturers. To us, it’s more than that. Biking is a way for both adults and kids to be active outdoors. The Huffy website has a lot of information to help make sure bicycle riding is enjoyable and safe. http://www.huffy.com/ has tips for parents teaching their children how to ride a bike; bicycle safety posters for kids; guides for finding a bike path in your area and much more.

Well. Huh. That’s not really what I was looking for. I wanted a major corporation like Huffy to say something like:

Huffy has been proudly making bikes for parents and children for years. We are more than just bike manufacturers. To us, biking is a way for families to enjoy the outdoors in a healthy and safe way. Connected to our commitment to safety is the knowledge that our bikes carry messages and images that allow for healthy and age appropriate development. We responsibly consider all areas of your child’s safety when developing, marketing, and promoting our cycling products.

After all, this is our children we’re talking about. I can find a bike path on my own. What I have trouble finding is understanding for the thought process that goes into thinking names like ‘Hot Stuff’ and ‘Major Flirt’ are appropriate for a small child. A child that, at 3-6 years of age, would probably lack the social skills and vocabulary necessary to stop sexual advances from a predator or older children. And why the hell do I have to use the phrase “sexual advances” in a post about my daughter’s first bike?

So, Huffy, and the rest of you, here’s our thought for the day: THERE IS NOTHING SEXUAL ABOUT OUR CHILDREN OR THEIR CHILDHOOD.

I spoke to my children’s pediatrician about this, and he was dumb founded. And this is a man who is married to a marketing professor. He said, “Why would parents do that? Why would they have their child on a bike that says that?”. I replied that unfortunately, that is what is sold in the mainstream, Big Box stores. So next I went to my independent bike retailer here in town. His bikes were twice the price, but you could tell the difference in quality. I asked the owner what he thought of all of this, and I watched him get physically uncomfortable. He said “As a parent, I don’t like it. I don’t think that’s right for the kids.” Apparently my local bike shop owner is brighter and more socially conscious than Huffy’s marketing and development department.

Let’s do this. As adults generally concerned about the safety and healthy development of our children, let’s all write to Huffy and ask for a stronger commitment. From a wholesale perspective, they have orders to full fill that would have been written months ago. Retailers are expecting the bikes they bought at market to be on their shelves. Huffy can’t change that. What they can change is the content of their website to reflect the level of commitment they are responsible for. Whether or not these bikes are still in production, the fact remains they are still being sold and they are inappropriate. And they could prove dangerous to our children.

Here’s what Pigtail Pals will do: I had the idea, what if Pigtail Pals created rad stickers that parents could put on their girls’ bike to either cover up sexy/stupid messages, or to just generally empower their girl toward overall awesomeness? Pigtail Pals will be working on two designs for reflective stickers and will have them available in a few weeks. See, Huffy? That was easy.

Here’s what you can do: Write to Huffy so they get a better picture of how committed parents are to ending the hyper-sexualization of childhood. Encourage them to go farther in their steps towards corporate responsibility. Encourage them to do better.

Huffy Bicycle Company
Attn: Ray Thomson, Vice President of Marketing
6551 Centerville Business Pkwy
Centerville, Ohio 45459

True Beauty...Is Perception Everything?

2010-04-09T11:24:00.003-04:00

Written by guest writer Michelle Kuhns

Have you seen the show “True Beauty”? It has a generally good principle, that I can agree with, and yet there is still a part of the show that just plain bugs me.

The show started out with ten contestants, who all think they are the most beautiful person. The show really brings out their vanity and the way they interact is sometimes shocking, but they are all there to compete for the cash prize and a photo shoot in People magazines 100 Most Beautiful People issue—and they’re all in it to win. As with any reality TV show, you see them at their best and worst.

Will this show end on a final note of unveiling a truly beautiful individual? Or will we all sit there in the end and say, “Really? THAT’S who won??” Can beauty really be determined by watching a 10 episode montage of set up scenarios of the individuals on screen? And can you really find it when you are limiting yourself to those previously chosen? I have a feeling that I will be greatly disappointed by the end result, because I am fairly sure, that there isn’t anyone on the show that I would comfortably say is truly beautiful.

Which brings us to another question: What is true beauty?

When you look at someone and truly see them for who they are, does their physical appearance really matter? I argue that it does not.

What does true beauty mean to you? A lot of people may depend on what a person actually looks like to help them gauge a person’s beauty. But I want you to think about what matters most about the people you spend your time with.

When you think about your friends, the ones that you call almost every night, and you hang out with every weekend, what is your favorite thing about them? What is it about them that makes you want to be their friend? Is it the fact that they are pretty? Or is it something else? Usually, you choose your friends because you have something in common, or because of the way they act or treat people around them. It’s not something you can tell about a person just by looking at them. It’s not a first glance kind of thing—you have to watch them to see who they are, and what they’re like.

True beauty shines from the inside out. The character of a person: that they are kind, caring, compassionate, honest, the way they react and interact with those around them …the list could go on…. THAT is what makes a person truly beautiful.

Is it any wonder the show is a vague memory? I quickly lost interest in following the shallow fakeness of the contestants, doing what they thought they had to in order to win the game, completely forgetting the entire concept of the shows premise. In fact, I had to Google it myself to find out how it all ended. I’d assumed the show had been cancelled, but here I find it is set to return to air this summer.

Apparently mainstream media is still confused about the true meaning of beauty.

Spring brings Hope, Life and Second Chances to Erie

2010-04-01T14:23:00.003-04:00

Spring has sprung in Erie, PA and the outdoors are alive with activity. Nothing bring joy to the soul like warm sunshine and blue sky.

And with the new life of spring comes second chances.

Here at the Women's Care Center we are all about instilling hope, inspiring life, and revealing second chances.

Our Pregnancy Resource offices do this through crisis pregnancy services and counseling by showing women that life and hope are possible for them and their unborn child.

Our Adoption by Choice office does this through providing a little life to a childless family, while giving the birth mom a second chance at achieving her dreams.

Our Education Division does this through teaching teens how to avoid risky behaviors and instead to follow their goals, while reminding sexually active youth that a second chance is always available.

So we hope you enjoy your Easter and this wonderful season of spring. I know we are!

Local Marriage Celebration was a Success!

2010-03-23T13:45:00.017-04:00

On Friday March 19th, the Education Division of the Women's Care Center hosted an unique event...A Marriage Celebration.

It was an event which highlighted couples who have struggled yet who are happily married today. It was an event in which the community of Erie could be encouraged and inspired by testimonies of love and commitment. It was an event which gave hope to young people who had never seen a happy marriage.

And I've got good news! The local event was a success!! Here are a few pictures from the evening...

Here Brenda Newport, the Executive Director of the WCC, is welcoming everyone

Our faith parnters supported the event by sponsoring tables

We had lots of yumming food

And yes, lots of dessert!

We had several testimonies from married couples and even singles about the value of marriage. Here a life story followed by a dance is shared, while our staff member Stephanie Lindenberger (right) offers moral support.

The event was such a success that we hope to offer it in the years to come. Thanks to everyone for their support!

Real Beauty

2010-03-11T10:29:00.003-05:00

Last night I had the privilege of meeting Stacy Nadeau. One of the "Dove Girls."

Huh??

How about the picture below... Does it ring any bells?

In 2004 Dove launched a bold and global effort to change society's image of beauty. This picture is one of many Dove used in it's Real Beauty Campaign to get people talking.

Stacy is the last one on the right.

Dove wanted to take normal women who were confident in themselves and their bodies and use them to spark much needed change.

So what do you think ladies, would you say that you're beautiful? If you're like the rest of the world, you'd answer no. In fact, in Dove's global survey only 2% of woman answered yes.

Shocking, isn't it?

So what are you going to do about it? Change begins now.

Mixed Messages?...

2010-03-09T13:28:00.012-05:00

Yesterday I taught a lesson to students in Roosevelt's afterschool program. The lesson? Alcohol and the Media.

One of the first activities we did was look at some pictures. Here's the first one...

Underneath the cartoon it says "Now, kids, don't look until you're twenty-one." Huh.

Like a kid could survive elementary, middle & high school, not to mention the first few years of college without seeing a single alcohol ad.

So, what do the facts say?

Every year kids and teens see close to 20,000 commercials. Of these, approximately 2,000 are for alcoholic beverages. Add to these other forms of advertising (magazine ads, billboards, Web sites and brand-related clothing and products), signage at sporting events, sponsorship of professional and college teams and sports TV and radio programs, and most young people will have seen approximately 100,000 alcohol ads by the time they turn 18.

Point made. On to my next photo...

A "Don't Serve Alcohol to Teens" PSA next to a Bud Light billboard that says "Always Worth It."

Talk about mixed messages! How is a teen who's brain functions more on emotions and hormones rather than decision making and delay of gratification supposed to navigate such confusing messages?

The best answer. Parents need to be parents. But it is also our generation who profits from such advertising stunts like the one above.

My job? To simply point out the goal behind such advertising...$$$

So why ladies would a cute guy be holding two adorable puppies? To get your attention. And if they can get you to look at the guy or the puppies they've accomplished their mission! You took time to look at their ad and have associated "cute" with Molson.

Any guesses as to which magazine this ad was featured in? Cosmopolitan, an exclusively female magazine which targets 18-35 year old ladies.

By having the teens at Roosevelt deconstruct such ads, my hope is that they will become more critical and discerning of the ads that they see and the messages they send.

Here's the last picture I showed them...

"With so many things to do, no wonder most kids choose not to drink." We then focused on what things teens can do instead of drinking.

The teens walked away being more informed about the dangers of alcohol and the messages the media sends about drinking. Hopefully they will continue to be able to dissect the truth from the lie.

How do Erie Teens React to the Abstinence Message?

2010-02-19T09:07:00.003-05:00

THEY GET IT!

Created by Elizabeth Ybanez of McDowell High School. The cartoon appeared in the student magazine called Blue and White Times during the February Valentine's Day issue.

Fatherhood Highlight at the Super Bowl

2010-02-18T10:27:00.004-05:00

Renae Smith, National Fatherhood Initiative's Special Assistant to the President, wanted to share this reflection on the Super Bowl. Here are her thoughts:

The New Orleans Saints’ 31-17 victory over the Indianapolis Colts in Super Bowl XLIV certainly was a thrilling moment for the city of New Orleans, still rebuilding after the devastation of Hurricane Katrina. Saints fans across the country rejoiced as their team won its first Championship in franchise history at their first Super Bowl appearance – including my crazy friends who jumped around the living room yelling and giving high-fives when cornerback Tracy Porter intercepted Peyton Manning’s pass for a 74-yard touchdown, turning the game for the Saints.

Better than lifting the Lombardi

But in the midst of the excitement, television viewers got a glimpse into a touching moment between a father and son when Drew Brees, quarterback of the Saints and MVP of the game, brought his one-year-old son Baylen onto the field to experience the victory celebration. The little guy seemed quite fascinated with the flashing lights and action around him, securely held by his father, who protected the little boy’s ears from the noise of the stadium with headphones. It was clearly an emotional moment for Brees, kissing his son, whispering to him, and maybe holding back a few tears – as you can see in this video.

During the Vince Lombardi trophy presentation, Brees put what he was feeling into words: “What can I say? The birth of my son this year as well, during the first year of his life we get a Super Bowl Championship - he’s been my inspiration as well, so it just doesn’t get any better than that.” It seems to Brees that as great as winning the Super Bowl is, it doesn’t beat being a father.

The television cameras captured another Saints dad experiencing the excitement with his children – linebacker Scott Fujita holding his two-year-old twin daughters.

My dad told me after the game was over that there’s something in every father that wants to share these special times with their kids. Though most of us have never been Super Bowl Champions, we each have small moments of victory and celebration that are made all the more sweet just by having our children there with us.

Speak their Language this Valentine's Day

2010-02-11T13:29:00.008-05:00

Ever give someone a thoughtful gift only to see them politely thank you for it instead of the thrilled “It’s what I’ve always wanted” exclamation you were hoping for? What about your spouse who may say “I love you,” but then walk by the piles of laundry and stacks of dishes?

What you may come to find is that you and your loved ones speak different languages when it comes to love. You may be thinking “Really, is that possible? Isn’t love supposed to be the universal language?”

Well not according to Gary Chapman author of the book The 5 Love Languages. In his book, Chapman uncovers the different ways people feel loved:gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time and physical touch. And the trick is, we tend to give love in the way we want to receive love.

Not sure what your love language is? No problem! Take the quiz below to find out what you are.

And when you’re done, try to figure out the love languages of your loved ones. Don’t forget to send them a Valentine’s Day e-card that speaks love to them!

Find the 5 Love Languages cards here: http://www.fivelovecards.com/

So celebrate this Valentine’s Day in a fresh new way by truly loving your special someone in their language.

Finding Her Confidence: Miss America 2010

2010-02-10T10:26:00.006-05:00

Caressa Cameron is 22 years old and a senior broadcast communications major at Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond, VA. She is an average girl who is 5 foot 4 inches and wears a size 7.

But for Caressa, she’s accomplished something that many girls only dream of. On Jan 30, 2010 Caressa was crowned Miss American 2010. She is only the third Miss Virginia to ever win the national title.

See a picture of Caressa and anyone would quickly admit she’s beautiful. Hear her talk and you’d say she’s intelligent. Listen to her sing and she’ll stun you with her full and confident voice.

However, before she won Miss American and before she competed for Miss Virginia, Caressa Cameron would admit she was an awkward teenager at Massaponax High School. Watch the video below to hear her talk about what it was like to be teased and how she learned to embrace her unwanted nickname, Wolverine.

See the video by clicking: here

New Study: Abstinence Education Effective; Comprehensive Sex Ed a Big Flop

2010-02-04T12:00:00.003-05:00

New Study:
Abstinence Education Effective; Comprehensive Sex Ed a Big Flop
Robert Rector Senior Research Fellow
The Heritage Foundation

A new study released Feb 1st, shows that abstinence education is highly effective in reducing sexual activity among youth. It also showed "safe sex" and "comprehensive" sex ed programs to be ineffective.

Students participating in an eight-hour abstinence program showed a one-third decrease in rates of sexual activity compared to non-participants. This decrease persisted a full two years after they attended the class.

By contrast, safe sex (promoting only contraceptive use) and comprehensive sex ed (teaching both abstinence and contraceptive use) programs didn't affect youth behavior at all. Students in these programs showed no reduction in sexual activity and no increase in contraceptive use, in either the short or long term.

The study, involving black middle-school students, appears in the February 2010 Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine, published by the American Medical Association. Employing state-of-the-art evaluation techniques, the study used random assignment to place students into four groups: a group that received instruction solely in abstinence; a safe-sex group instructed in contraceptive use; a comprehensive, or mixed message, group taught both abstinence and contraceptive use; and a control group that received health education unrelated to sex.

The abstinence program proved very effective in delaying the onset of sexual activity. Students in this program were one third less likely to initiate sexual activity when compared to students in the other three groups. And if these same students did become sexually active, they were not less likely to use contraceptives than other students. By contrast, safe sex and comprehensive sex ed classes had no effect on student behavior; students in these classes did not reduce sexual activity nor increase contraceptive use when compared to the control group.

This study, conducted by Drs. John and Loretta Jemmott of the University of Pennsylvania, joins a long list of evaluations demonstrating the effectiveness of abstinence education. Prior to the current study, there had been 15 scientific evaluations of abstinence education, 11 of which had shown that abstinence programs were effective in reducing sexual activity. (See this 2008 Heritage paper for a review of these earlier studies.) However, the new Jemmott study is the first evaluation showing positive results which employed full random assignment. As a result, it cannot be dismissed on methodological grounds.

Click here to view the study

Click here to read the editorial

Teen Pregnancy: bogus problem, bogus solution

2010-01-29T10:04:00.004-05:00

The following is a blog by Robert Rector, senior research fellow at the Heritage Foundation. The blog was featured on National Review Online on Wednesday Jan 27, 2009.

____________________________________________

Teen Pregnancy: Bogus Problem, Bogus Solution

The Guttmacher Institute recently released a report raising alarm over a one-year increase in teen pregnancy. “Safe sex” experts quickly pinned the blame on abstinence education.

This is a bit hypocritical. In the decade after the federal government began its meager funding of abstinence education, teen pregnancy fell steadily. Safe-sex experts never linked that decline to abstinence education. But when the news went bad, they swiftly identified abstinence programs as the culprit.

But did teen pregnancy actually rise in 2006, as Guttmacher claims? It depends on what you mean by “teen.” For most people, “teen pregnancy” implies pregnancy among high-schoolers, girls under age 18. According to Guttmacher’s own data, the pregnancy rate for 15- to 17-year-old girls barely changed, and the rate for girls 14 and under (the group most affected by abstinence programs) actually dropped.

By contrast, the pregnancy and birth rates for young adult women aged 18 and 19 rose sharply.

The rise in pregnancies and births in this age range is part of a much larger story: the collapse of marriage and explosive growth of out-of-wedlock births in lower income communities.

Between 1997 and 2007, the percentage of births outside of marriage rose from 32.4 percent to 39.7 percent of all births in the U.S. Very few of these non-marital births occurred to minor girls; most were to less-educated young adult women aged 18 to 26. Since non-married moms are less likely to postpone childbearing than those who patiently wait for marriage, it should be no surprise that the ongoing collapse of marriage in low-income communities would lead to a bump in the birth rate among 18- and 19-year-olds.

In the grand scheme of things, the issue of “teen” pregnancy is dwarfed by its much larger cousin, the disintegration of marriage. Marital collapse is a catastrophe for taxpayers and society; the welfare costs alone exceed $250 billion per year. As noted, little of this problem results from teenagers getting pregnant in high school. Of the 1.7 million children born out of wedlock in 2007 only 136,000 (or 7 percent) had mothers under age 18.

“Teen pregnancy” is largely a red herring, hyped by the Left because it supports their agenda of condom promotion and permissive sex ed in the schools. Of course, condom proselytizing is a bogus answer to real social problems. Contrary to conventional wisdom, lack of access to birth control is not a significant factor contributing to non-marital pregnancy among teens or non-teens.

Harvard sociologist Kathryn Edin recently conducted a survey of lower income men and women who had experienced (or, in the case of men, caused) one or more non-marital pregnancies. The survey asked whether the individuals had, ever in their lives, been in a situation where they wanted to use birth control, but could not afford it or could not obtain it. All answered no.

Many laughed at the suggestion that their pregnancies had been caused by a lack of access to contraceptives, noting that contraceptives are abundant and aggressively promoted by schools and clinics in their communities. Of all the non-marital pregnancies reported in the study, not one was caused by lack of availability of contraceptives.

The explosive rise in out-of-wedlock births is due not to a lack of contraceptives, but to a crisis in the relationships of young adult men and women in lower income communities. Couples no longer see the need to be married before having children, and they lack the skills to form stable relationships. Ironically, young non-married parents yearn for eventual stable marriages and healthy families, but they utterly lack the skills and understanding to fulfill their aspirations.

Another irony: One of the greatest sins of abstinence-education programs (in the Left’s view) has been their effort to teach low-income youth that it is best to marry before having children. This affront to political correctness has outraged the Left and has been a principal motivator behind the drive to remove abstinence education from the classroom.

Next year we can expect the out-of-wedlock childbearing rate to top 40 percent. A chilling number, but one which won’t affect the Left’s campaign to promote bogus issues and bogus solutions.

— Robert Rector is a senior research fellow at the Heritage Foundation.

It Starts with You!

2010-01-26T11:06:00.008-05:00

What if you could change a person's day? All it takes is a minute of your time...and a little creativity.

That's the thought behind Operation Beautiful. A website which initiated a movement which seeks to post anonymous notes in public places for other women to find. The point is that WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL.

Here's a few of the most recent postings:

--------------------------------------------

Here’s a message from a DAD! Michael wrote, “I’m the father of a beautiful soon-to-be 17 year old daughter, and my wife and I wanted to say thank-you to Operation Beautiful. She asked me to help solve a problem with her laptop and her desktop wallpaper was a picture she took of multiple post-it notes with OperationBeautiful.com phrases. When asked, she shared that she always has some with her and puts them in bathrooms and other girl places (fitting rooms, etc.) whenever she gets the chance. She recently rented Step-Up and took a picture before sending back to Blockbuster. I hope it makes it to the next renter!”

Alexis wrote, “When I found out about Operation Beautiful, I cried. I’ve been struggling with my own self confidence and an eating disorder. When I found out about what everyone was doing it made me so happy. After visiting the site I decided to post up a few myself because I know a lot of girl in my school that are going through the same thing . I posted a bunch in my school bathrooms and they stay up usually for the day.”

So check it out and start leaving some of your own notes...whether it's for your wife, daughter, coworkers, friends, or a random stranger. Be the difference in their day!

Not Buying into The Proposal

2010-01-20T11:11:00.007-05:00

Last night my husband and I watch the Proposal. As the movie began you see Sandra Bullock dressed in an all black suit playing the role of Margaret, a “witch” like manager of a publishing firm running a strict shift among her employees. Enter Andrew, played by Ryan Reynolds, as the overworked yet ambitious assistant.

The plot thickens when Margaret learns of her near deportation to Canada due to an expired Visa. Grasping for a way out of her predicament, Margaret decides to blackmail Andrew into marrying her, thus saving her career – and as she tells Andrew – his as well.

The twist comes when Andrew has to take Margaret along with him to his hometown in Alaska to celebrate his grandmother’s 90th birthday. The pseudo-couple are under pressure to prove the genuineness of the relationship or else be accused of committing fraud.

The parts of the movie which astound me are the sly messages about sex woven throughout the movie.

For instance, when the couple arrives at Andrew’s parents’ home they are led into a bedroom with one big bed. Margaret notes the bed and asks, “So where is Andrew’s room?” To which his parents rely something to the effect of, “We aren’t so silly as to assume that you both aren’t already sleeping together.”

Talk about setting high standards for your only son and his supposed fiancé! And not only does this send the message that sleeping together before marriage is expected, but it also communicates that parents should be supportive of this arrangement!

Later Margaret is resting on the bed, while Andrew is on the floor. She begins to share more intimate details of her life, revealing her softer side despite all her attempts to prove her hard headed, independent feminism. She shares about her parents’ death, details of her tattoo, memories of her first concert, and (of course Hollywood!) – the length of time since she has last been with a man sexually – 1 ½ years.

Andrew silently listens and when Margaret finishes he admits he is “Processing.” Then he bursts out, “You haven’t had sex for 18 months!”

As if a person becomes less of a person if they have had periods of abstinence in their life!

When speaking with youth we ask the question – is sex a need or a desire for an individual? With the need to reproduce and continue the human race aside, sex is not a need. I joke around and ask the students, “If I walk around the Erie cemetery, would I see a tombstone that said ‘Here lays Joe Smith. He died because he didn’t get any.” To which the students chuckle and realize the lie that they have become to believe.

The lie seen in virtually every movie, television show, music lyric, magazine cover, internet site, and product ad.

Teens begin to believe that they must have sex in order to prove something. Prove they are a real man or woman, prove that they are cool, or even…sadly…that they can get attention and love (or so they think).

You see, that’s the problem in Hollywood. Too may people have confused not only sex as a need instead of a desire, but also confused sex with love.

They take something that is an emotional need for all of us – love – and twist it so that we believe that sex equals love. Even beyond that, they equate lust with love!

So parents, think critically about the movies you watch and discuss the underlying messages with your teens. And teens don’t be conned! Learn to decipher the lies from the truth.

(The use of the Proposal is for discussion only and I am in no way recommending or supporting the film.)

Waffle Wedded Wife

2010-01-15T12:53:00.002-05:00

One of the biggest moments of this couple’s life has turned into a Youtube sensation! Whether he is concentrating on his last “single” breakfast, or just has a simple case of a twisted tongue, the groom slips up during the vows causing his wife to go into a laughing frenzy.

Regardless of one’s position on faith, it’s always in your best interest to make smart choices regarding sexual activity in order to work towards the healthiest future possible for you.

Check out this couple as they describe how they successfully waited till marriage to engage sexually with one another!

Check out the video here!

(Blog taken from Project Yes You Can!)

Overcoming the Winter Blues

2010-01-11T13:46:00.007-05:00

Stuck inside for days, watching the snow pile higher and higher? If so, you may be looking for new ways to brighten up your day and overcome the winter blues.

Here are a few tips to either keep your kids active or cheap date ideas for you and your special someone. Enjoy!

Have a Bahama vacation - in your living room! Require everyone to wear summer clothing and to sit on beach blankets on the floor. Play limbo and serve hawaiian chicken

Embrace the snow - build an Igloo! Gather your snow shovels and gardening tools and hit the outdoors. Pile the snow and create a new hangout. Complete the deal with blankets and pillows.

Take a trip - a coin flip trip! Get in the car and hit the road. All you need is a coin and a road map. The instructions are easy: each time you come to a stop, flip a coin to decide which way to turn. Heads you turn left, tails you turn right. Use the map to help you get home!

Dress to impress - at Salvation Army! Give each person $5 to use to buy one article of clothing for another secret person in the party. Shop until you find the most hideous outfits you can find. When you arrive home, present the outfit to the secret person. Then make everyone wear their new look to dinner and enjoy the laughs!

Eat around the world - in your hometown! Make a goal to each at a new restaurant from a different culture each month. From Indian, to Japanese, to Middle Eastern, there are plenty of new tastes to try.

Once you try one or two from the list, let us know how it goes. Leave us a comment!

Parents for Truth

2010-01-06T13:07:00.005-05:00

Are you an involved parent, concerned for your child or teen, and hoping to give them the best future possible? If so, you are not alone. Many parents like you desire to give their children a better life.

However, when it comes to talking to teens about love, sex, and relationships, some parents don't know what to say. Some feel like hypocrates when giving advice they didn't take growing up.

But what those parents don't know is that wisedom is learning from your mistakes, hypocracy is only if you continue to make those same poor choices yourself.

We often hear concern from parents over what teens may be receiving in sex ed class. Other parents want to know how to start the conversation about sex. While other parents want to ensure teens hear about abstinence and don't know what to say.

If that's you, we've got the perfect resource! http://www.parentsfortruth.org/

This website has a very informative video, resources, links and groups to join. Don't miss out on this wonderful resource so that a parent like you can be fully informed.

Parents matter!

Happy Holidays!

2009-12-22T09:32:00.004-05:00

As the end of 2009 rapidly approaches, the WC2ed would like to wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Use this holiday break to connect with your family in new and deeper ways. After all, the best things in life aren't things!

We would also encourage you to continue reading our blog in 2010 and sharing it with your friends as well. We hope to keep you up-to-date on topics relevant to teens and healthy relationships.

However, in 2010 we don't want to blog topics to just come from us, but to also have some ideas on what you want to hear about as well. So we'd like to offer you a chance to throw out some ideas in the comment section. We welcome questions, advice or just something you've heard about in the news that you'd like to know more about. We gladly welcome the interaction!

With that, take care and God bless! We will connect with you next year!

What Happens at Fifteen?

2009-12-14T14:14:00.007-05:00

I am always amazed at the shear invincibility that teenagers believe themselves to possess. But who can blame them? They are full of life and each new experience gives them a jolt of dopamine and endorphins, flooding their brains with that unique “high” sensation.

With time and through observing the mistakes of others however, wisdom comes. Everyone one of us would want to spare teens – whether it is your own child, a relative, or a neighbor – from painful consequences and the shocking reality of their vulnerable humanity.

This morning I was reminded of a song written by a young adult as she looks back on life as a teenager. It’s a warning to teenage girls especially to be aware of the choices they make during high school.

Choices like naively thinking they will marry the boy who says he loves her. Choices like giving everything to a boy so she can feel wanted. Choices like getting caught up in the fleeting drama of high school without figuring out who you are and who you want to be.

The song is Fifteen, by Taylor Swift.

(You can read the lyrics and watch the video below.)

Fifteen

You take a deep breath and you walk through the doors

It's the morning of your very first day

And you say hi to your friends you ain't seen in a while

Try and stay out of everybody's way

It's your freshman year and you're gonna be here

For the next four years in this town

Hoping one of those senior boys will wink at you and say

"You know, I haven't seen you around before"

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

You're gonna believe them

And when you're fifteen feeling like there's nothing to figure out

Well, count to ten, take it in

This is life before you know who you're gonna be

Fifteen

You sit in class next to a redhead named Abigail

And soon enough you're best friends

Laughing at the other girls who think they're so cool

We'll be outta here as soon as we can

And then you're on your very first date and he's got a car

And you're feeling like flying

And you're momma's waiting up and you're thinking he's the one

And you're dancing 'round your room when the night ends

When the night ends

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

You're gonna believe them

When you're fifteen and your first kiss

Makes your head spin 'round

But in your life you'll do things greater than

Dating the boy on the football team

But I didn't know it at fifteen

When all you wanted was to be wanted

Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now

Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday

But I realized some bigger dreams of mine

And Abigail gave everything she had to a boy

Who changed his mind and we both cried

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

You're gonna believe them

And when you're fifteen, don't forget to look before you fall

I've found time can heal most anything

And you just might find who you're supposed to be

I didn't know who I was supposed to be at fifteen

Your very first day

Take a deep breath girl

Take a deep breath as you walk through the doors

When a floor is more...

2009-12-10T09:28:00.005-05:00

Came across this blog entry on the Rated G Romance website. Thought it was so adorable I just had to share!

When a floor is more…

It was our 26th anniversary on May 14th and we spent the better part of the day upgrading our kitchen floor. We installed the new vinyl plank flooring I bought the Mrs. as a present.

Tres romantic, n’est pas? Normally, no. Household upgrades are not romantic for most couples. However, for us it was.

Why? “Quality” time is my lovely’s number one love language. And what did we do? We spent an entire day together talking and working toward a common goal.

Let me spin the story another way to show you what I mean…

I took an unpaid leave day so that we could spend our special day together. We woke slowly, playing the “I love you because” game and snuggling. After a romantic breakfast (she made me my favorite ), we cleaned up and went out to one of her favorite stores. I bought her a little something she’d been wanting for months. The afternoon was full of music and talk of goals and rememberings. At dinner, she took me to a restaurant that I had always wanted to visit. The sun sparkling on the water of the inlet outside our window matched the sparkle in my sweeties eyes.

We finished our meal, went for a walk on the boardwalk, then returned home to more time together. The moments we shared were precious. Midnight approached and it was time for us to head to bed. “Wait,” she smiled, “we need to dance.” Music played (http://blip.fm/~6c084) as we finished our evening dancing in the kitchen.

The fact that we were testing the new floor we had spent the day installing was beside the point. ;-)

By Gregory Blake of RatedGRomance.com

No Sex Please, We're Vampires

2009-12-02T15:29:00.005-05:00

(CNN) -- "New Moon," the latest film in "The Twilight Saga" is doing record business at the box office.

In its opening weekend the film grossed $140.7 million -- more than any other film with an autumn release in history.

The tales of teenage vampire love based on the best-selling books by Stephanie Meyer have wooed film-goers without having to resort to acres of flesh being on display.

This distinct lack of on-screen sex runs contrary to the popular trend of portraying teenagers on screen as playing fast and loose with their virginity and affections.

Love and the importance of relationships most definitely rule in "The Twilight Saga" and the formula is proving popular with audiences.

Elizabeth Morowitz, Communications Professor at the University of Missouri and author of "Bitten By Twilight" thinks that this more sensitive approach is the key to the film's success.

"A lot of people ask 'what's so appealing about the Twilight and why is it popular now?' and we think it's because of the relationships and the messages about love in Twilight. In a more conservative environment we've had this push for abstinence education, so we now have a media message that's more congruent with that. So perhaps some teens relate to it in that way," Morowitz told CNN's Katie Walmsley.

The director of "New Moon" Chris Weitz says that sexual abstinence is central to the film's appeal.

"It's not that they can't have sex, they choose not to and I think there's so much popular culture that's saying to young people: 'you'll be cool if you have sex' or 'it's important to be sexy' whereas this series really concentrates on matters of the heart and spirit and I think that's lovely," Weitz told CNN.

A dashing male lead, in the shape of Robert Pattison doesn't hurt either when you're trying to attract a female teenage audience.

But whatever the exact recipe for its undoubted success it looks like teenagers in the "Twilight" world don't like to bite off more than they can chew.

No Joke: Marriage is Good for You!

2009-10-15T13:06:00.000-04:00

By Frank Vascellaro
WCCO News, Minnesapolis

Dr. William Doherty, a professor at the University of Minnesota, says that in marriage, good enough is good.

When you got married, you probably heard a few ball-and-chain remarks, but those are just jokes. The reality is that marriage is good for you.

We asked three couples to tell us the favorite things their spouses do for them. Rich Goldsmith says his wife gives a pretty amazing scalp massage.

"She'll just kind of rub my head and it's like, oh, it just kind of caps off my day, makes it nice and takes some of the stress away," He said.

Kari Anderson Slade tried to tell us about her husband Mark's great bear hugs, but her daughter interrupted her.

"And that answers the question," said Kari with a laugh. "We don't do anything for each other anymore because we have her."

Tony Richardson loves something his wife Bridget does every weekend.

"She lets me sleep late on Saturdays," he said.

Their marriages might not be perfect, but they don't have to be.

William Doherty, a professor at the University of Minnesota, says that in marriage, good enough is good.

"A pretty good, a good enough marriage, is something that gives people a sense of stability, a security," he explained. "It's good for us. We kind of know that by common sense, but the research also supports it."

Doherty showed us a long list of the benefits of marriage, complete with citations. Married people have more money. They're happier. They're healthier. They live longer. And their kids do better.

Doherty, who's been married to his wife Leah for 38 years, has a theory about the health benefits of marriage. It's not molecular theory, but a mole theory. He says it's not just that your wife "has your back." She sees it, too.

"Who else except somebody you're married to you sees moles on your back than your spouse, and your spouse may say, 'That looks suspicious, you should have the doctor see that,'" said Doherty. "First of all, it's somebody you're married to who saw it, and secondly it's someone who's going to nag you to go to the doctor."

See the video clip of this news report by clicking here.

Sick of the Lies

2009-10-13T11:18:00.003-04:00

For years now, photoshop and other programs have been used to bring normal models to barbie like proportions and out-of-this-world unattainable beauty. I thought I had seen it all, like the slimming of waists, filling out of breasts, and the removing of wrinkles. Take for instance the images of Jessica Alba below. The left is the original, and the right is after the airbrushing.

But the airbrushing has now gone to new levels. I recently received a link to an article called "Image of ultra-thin Ralph Lauren model sparks outrage." The image is incredibly disturbing. The model's body has been distorted using technology, but goes way beyond "trimming and slimming" to the point of making her look like an anorexic.

Here is how the article from Yahoo put it, "The latest such image to cause an uproar is one featured in a new Ralph Lauren advertisement that shows a model, Filippa Hamilton, so emaciated that her waist actually appears to be smaller than her head." Here is the image...brace yourself!

Crazy huh? And we wonder why our young girls have such a distorted picture of beauty! Despite all the bad messages out there, we are lucky to have a few individuals and a few organizations that care enough to stand up and say something. Here are a few that I would recommend:

America the Beautiful. A new documentary due out on DVD this fall that asks the question: "Is America obsessed with beauty?" Click the link to watch the trailer and find out how you can get your copy!
Operation Beautiful. An organization who hosts a wonderful blog with a simple mission: to post anonymous notes in public places for other women to find. The point is that WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL. You are enough... just the way you are!
Campaign for Real Beauty. Hosted by Dove, this campaign uses video clips and advertising to show young girls what real beauty is about. Below is one of their fantastic videos. Pass it on!

A Local Erie College discusses "Hooking Up and Breaking Down: the Missing Links in Relationships"

2009-10-09T12:40:00.001-04:00

It's been a few days since we last published a post. Why? Because we've been too busy!! What a great problem to have. We love interacting with teens and college students. Here is a recent article written by a college student after attending one of our events...

Rappers discuss hook ups, college life
By: Krista Mershimer, staff writer for Gannon Knight News
Gannon University, Erie PA

College is a period of discovery, whether it is educational, spiritual or political. It can also be sexual, a difficult subject to talk about when perceptions about sex and relationships conflict.

This was the topic of discussion in Club LaRiccia Tuesday night: “Hooking Up and Breaking Down: The Missing Link in Relationships.” Sponsored by the Gannon Social Work Club, Students for Life and Student Health Services, the discussion brought together representatives from WC2 ed, a division of the Women’s Care Center, and hip hop artist/speaker Los 1 to reinforce the need for healthy relationships.

Presentation specialist Patty Fitzgerald said that her college experience was important for her personal growth.

“College was a time to make or break me – a defining time,” she said. “Knowledge is power, especially when it comes to healthy relationships.”

The discussion emphasized the four C’s of dating and relationships: communication, cohabitation, consequences and commitment – topics that are often taboo in many relationships. Students were encouraged to interact (pictured below - Katie Cogswell/ Knight) with a panel of their peers and with married couples who discussed issues ranging from first impressions and true love to separation and divorce.

In between role-playing activities, the powerful lyrics of Los 1’s “LifeSkills” CD permeated the room speaking to students about having a positive self-image, making good choices and respecting themselves. Trained to teach lessons on character and sexual purity to teens, the Brooklyn native uses his music to reinforce learning as he travels from school to school across America.

Los 1 (pictured above - Katie Cogswell/ Knight) said the main issue is perception.

“Kids today see sex in the media, on TV, in music, in school and they need a way to navigate through all of it,” he said. “We need to teach these kids to care about themselves.”

Social Work Club President Chris Frye said that sex and relationships need to be discussed.

“It’s real-life stuff and it’s not to be played with,” the senior social work major said. “Having advice from professionals instead of friends can help students make better choices in their relationships.”

Sophomore nursing major Katie Bauer said that the most important thing couples can have in a relationship is compatibility.

“Know your values and stick to them,” Bauer said. “Know what you want out of the relationship and figure out your boundaries early on.”

Sophomore occupational therapy major Maria Crawford said that couples should also be able to trust their partners in any situation.

According to its Web site, the Women’s Care Center in Erie’s motto says it strives to faithfully empower teens to make the best decisions for their future by teaching values of character, healthy relationships and marriage.

“Our goal is to help these youth achieve optimal health and the best life advantage,” Fitzgerald said.

“Prevention is key because that’s how we avoid becoming just another statistic. Its never easy, but it’s common sense: anything worth having is worth working for.”

For more information about the Women’s Care Center, go to http://www.wc2ed.org/. Music from Los 1 can be found at http://www.los1.com/ or at www.myspace.com/los1music

KRISTA MERSHIMER
mershime001@gannon.edu

You Can End Child Poverty...HOW?!

2009-09-22T13:36:00.009-04:00

Yesterday I was on the internet when an ad entitled “Obama wants mothers to go back to school” popped up. While I understand how educating single-parent mothers is important, however if we are striving to decrease child poverty the mothers’ education alone is not the answer.

You might be asking, how can that be? What else could decrease poverty besides education?

Try M-A-R-R-I-A-G-E.

Don’t believe me? Read the research below…

August 2, 2002
The Effects of Marriage and Maternal Education in Reducing Child Poverty
by Robert Rector and Kirk A. Johnson, Ph.D.

Maternal education without marriage is generally ineffective in reducing child poverty. The poverty levels of children raised by never-married mothers remain high even if the mother has a high-school or college degree.

Specifically, the analysis reveals the following facts:

On average, a child raised by a never-married mother is nine times more likely to live in poverty than a child born and raised by two parents in an intact marriage. (see graph below and click to enlarge)

Overall, nearly 80 percent of long-term child poverty occurs to children raised in some type of broken family or by a parent who never married.

Raising a child in an intact marriage is roughly two and a half times more effective than adding four years to a mother's education in reducing child poverty. (see graph below and click to enlarge)

On average, a child raised by a never-married mother with a four-year college degree is three and a half times more likely to be poor than is a child born and raised in an intact married family by a mother who has only a high-school education.

Children raised in intact married families whose mothers are high-school dropouts spend about the same amount of time in poverty as children raised by never-married mothers who have a four-year college degree.

Marriage has a significant effect in reducing child poverty, even if the marriage does not last throughout a boy's or girl's entire childhood. Being raised in a married two-parent family for just half of one's childhood reduces poverty as much as adding four years to a mother's education does.

In conclusion the authors note that: the current analysis indicates that, operating together, both marriage and maternal education can play a significant role in reducing child poverty.

The most effective public policy to reduce child poverty would encourage young women both to complete high school and enter into a healthy marriage before they have children. By contrast, a policy that focuses on maternal education exclusively and is indifferent or hostile to marriage is not likely to be successful.

Has anyone told President Obama this?

To read the study in full, http://www.heritage.org/research/family/cda02-05.cfm

Join us on Sept 19 for the Celebrate Life Banquet!

2009-09-11T11:32:00.007-04:00

This year, the Women's Care Center of Erie County, Inc (our main office)

is hosting a Celebrate Life Banquet.

We'd love to have you attend on Saturday September 19th at 7pm.

Be our guest and enjoy a wonderful, elegant evening at the Courtyard Marriott with...

...special guest and three time Grammy nominee Michele Pillar.

Michele's has a beautiful voice, compared to that of an angel, but an even more beautiful life story.

Join us for a evening you'll not soon forget. You'll be glad you did!

Click here for more information or to register.

A Valentine's Day Message Good for Today

2009-09-10T15:54:00.008-04:00

Evenings come to an end.
But mistakes last forever.

Powerful, isn't it? This poster was created by the Anscombe Society at Princeton University. The society is a group of students "dedicated to affirming the importance of the family, marriage, and a proper understanding for the role of sex and sexuality."

The Society grew out of the desire some students sensed for something better than the sexually drenched college culture.

Here is the perspective of one student:

"I remember my freshman year, in my hallway at Forbes, we went to our
residential adviser for our study break, and there with the soda pop and the
chips was a bowl with flavored condoms," said Joan Claire Krautmann, a
senior from Salem, Ore. "So immediately, when you get on campus, you're just
bombarded with sexual material."

So here's to a Valentine's Day message that we can use on campus - and everywhere - TODAY.

College Event Designed to Dispel Myths and Meet Needs of Local Students

2009-09-04T11:17:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I had the opportunity, along with some fellow coworkers, to go and discuss with college juniors and seniors ideas for an upcoming event we hope to have on a local college campus.

When we asked questions about the college climate as it relates to the dating and hookup world, these students answered honestly. Here are some examples:

"Some people just hookup at a party and then they see if a relationship develops."
"Others come to college with girlfriends, but you never know how long it lasts and what they're up to."

When we asked them what they'd like to know and have us talk about, the following topics were brought up:

Commitment - Like, how do you know if this person is the one? How do you commit? How do you escape divorce?
Cohabitation - Should we live together after college? Are we already living together if we have two separate places, but he often stays the night? Is that wrong?
Communication - How do you communicate between the genders? And what's with all the texting and breaking up on facebook? And are people really talking before they have sex, like "Are we ready to have a baby? If not, then why are we doing this?!"

Great ideas, huh? It also gave us a clear picture of the needs of these students and how we can address their questions with our event.

As I was thinking about which topics to highlight in the event, I stumbled upon an article entitled, "Marriage Conference Dispels Myths" published today on Cathnews.com.

Dr. William Doherty is a marriage expert and was a speaker on the panel during the conference. His assessment is that "we need to dispel the myths about marriage in society today." So, what are some of those modern myths about marriage? And are any of the myths evident among the college students we spoke to?

Dr. Doherty highlights five common myths:

It's foolish to get married without cohabiting
It's best to wait to get married when you are financially secure
If a marriage gets rotten it never gets ripe again
If your marriage fails your children really want you to find another romantic relationship because they want you to be happy
Men aren't interested in relationships

We can't wait to further develop this college event and incoporate some of the above myths. We'll keep you posted with more details!

Just Guys: Understand and Escaping "Guyland"

2009-09-03T16:10:00.004-04:00

Fuller Youth Institute
Brad Griffin and Kara Powell
August 31, 2009

What’s the deal with guys?

Recent research warns of the chronic underachieving, emotionally drifting, and irresponsible “Guyland” of male adolescence...

Excuses and Fears

Much of our culture’s collective anxiety about adolescent guys is caught up in various excuses and fears. Excuses like “boys will be boys” or “it’s a guy thing” have become cultural blankets to cover all sorts of irresponsible and destructive behaviors from young boyhood through adulthood.

Meanwhile we’re overwhelmed by the fears that arise from the behaviors that prompt these excuses in the first place: boys are emotionally closed off, spend too much time playing video games and hanging out online, are too sex-obsessed, lack motivation, and often drift into adulthood with little direction.

More than a few of these fears are valid, but we struggle to find reliable lenses through which to interpret what’s going on with guys. We should say up front that not every boy is the same (thank goodness!) and not every boy lives by the excuses and fears we describe below. But these research trends are worth taking time to understand and respond to, for the sake of the guys—and the girls—in our ministries.

Guyland: The Secret Underworld

According to sociologist and gender studies expert Michael Kimmel, young men ages 16-26 live in a secret world of Guyland that resembles an uncertain holding tank.2 His interviews with over 400 guys led Kimmel to conclude:

Guyland is the world in which young men live. It is both a stage of life, a liminal undefined time span between adolescence and adulthood that can often stretch for a decade or more, and a place, or rather, a bunch of places where guys gather to be guys with each other, unhassled by the demands of parents, girlfriends, jobs, kids, and the other nuisances of adult life.3

Similar to the research of our Fuller Seminary colleague Chap Clark,4 most of the guys in Kimmel’s study believe that they are completely on their own to chart a path through Guyland. By the time they hit high school, they can’t trust their parents or other adults—and most feel like they can’t trust each other either. This is in large part because of the “Guy Code,” learned in boyhood and expanded in adolescence.

The number one rule in the Guy Code is, you guessed it, “Boys don’t cry.” Kimmel observes, “Masculinity is largely a ‘homosocial’ experience: performed for, and judged by, other men.”5 And it’s driven by homophobia—defined in Guyland code as the fear that others might think you’re gay. “That’s so gay” is one of the most common put-down guys use in high school, and it can refer to anything—something you say, wear, or do. So guys spend a lot of their energy attempting to prove (primarily to other guys) that they aren’t gay, that they are masculine enough to warrant independence in the “real man’s” territory. In other words, while many maintain that our version of masculinity is simply hardwired by biology, few account for the way the masculine code is “coerced and policed relentlessly by other guys.”6

To read more of the article: http://fulleryouthinstitute.org/2009/08/just-guys

References
2. Michael Kimmel, Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men (San Francisco: Harper, 2008).
3. Michael Kimmel, Guyland, 4.
4. See Chap Clark, Hurt: Inside the World of Today’s Teenagers (Grand Rapids: Baker Academic, 2004).
5. Michael Kimmel, Guyland, 47.
6. Michael Kimmel, Guyland, 51.

Disney's Ladies and the Tramps

2009-09-01T09:28:00.009-04:00

Washington Times
Monday, August 24, 2009
by Rebecca Hagelin

Culture challenge of the week: Disney's decline

I'll always remember how magical it was to see Tinker Bell flitter across the TV screen. She would touch the top of Cinderella's castle with her magic wand and release a million tiny sparkles that cascaded down the television screen and seemingly into my living room.

Since our family normally attended church on Sunday evenings, it was a rare treat to watch "The Wonderful World of Disney." On that occasion when I was home and could steal away and turn on the TV, I was instantly transported into a world of fairy tales and dreams. Disney was synonymous with innocence, happiness and hope; with Mickey Mouse, virtuous damsels and handsome heroes.

The Disney girls, such as Snow White and Cinderella, were always so innocent, beautiful and kind. They taught little girls that we, too, should be generous and gracious - that our lives should be marked by goodness and virtue. The Disney message was clear: Regardless of your circumstances, you can be lovely and thoughtful, and - if your heart is pure and with a little help from your fairy godmother - you might also find your handsome prince and live happily ever after.

My, how times have changed.

This is not your mamma's Disney. The lifestyles and fantasies they are selling our young women are anything but wholesome. Disney has deliberately and successfully transformed its brand from one of innocence and family entertainment to a purveyor of promiscuity.

A recent case in point is Disney star Miley Cyrus. Last week, I wrote in this column how, once again, Disney created a heroine with a young, innocent image and then morphed it into a trampy one. (Is Miley acting trampy in real life? I don't know. But she has agreed to be packaged as one.)

The larger point is that Disney itself also has morphed. They've gone from selling just childhood fantasies into also selling sexual ones.

This new corporate image was missed by many adults, but to my surprise, it seems that some teens recognize - and are beginning to reject - the newer, uglier Disney.

After Miley's now infamous pole-dancing routine before a nation of teeny-boppers, I remarked to my 17-year-old daughter, "Kristin, it looks like Miley has gone trampy on us."

"Of course," she responded, matter-of-factly.

Surprised by her immediate and total agreement, I asked, "Why do you say 'of course?' "

"Because she's Disney," Kristin said simply.

Wow. I was stunned that my daughter knew what Disney had been up to.

"Who else has Disney turned into a tramp?" I asked.

"Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, the girls from 'High School Musical' - lots of others," she sighed.

The funny thing is that Kristin doesn't even watch the programming. But the characters are such a pervasive part of teen culture, she can't escape them.

How to save your family (and yourself) from being duped.

So what's my point here? Don't blindly trust the brands you have come to rely on.

Today's marketers have become so savvy that they know how to skillfully present themselves to parents in one way, but be something radically different to the teenage population that now wields tremendous purchasing power. While Disney still sells the childhood characters of Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck to new moms, it is selling sexuality to our pre-teen girls.

When you hear about a new Disney flick, for instance, check out a reliable movie review before checking out the DVD. The best movie reviews I know are at http://www.pluggedinonline.com/.

And don't let your children become enamored of any media star. Teach them that pop stars are packaged products subject to manipulation by crass marketers. Remind them that young pop icons and their agents are always looking for the next role that will maintain their superstar status, and that they are likely to make mistakes along the way.

You can take heart that Tinker Bell and Cinderella will never change. It's too bad I can't say the same for Disney or their modern heroines.

• Rebecca Hagelin is a family advocate and the author of the best-seller "30 Ways in 30 Days to Save Your Family." For more family tips, visit HowToSaveYourFamily.com

The Ugly Truth Revealed. Hollywood is not the Answer

2009-08-31T15:27:00.006-04:00

Over the weekend I saw that the movie TheUglyTruth was playing at a nearby theater. Although the movie came out in late July, this was my first time seeing it advertised.

Just look at the cover. No need to watch the movie, we already know what it’s about!

The placement of the hearts hints at the saying that...

Men give love to get sex and women give sex to get love.

In the classroom, we describe it like this. Sexually speaking, men are like microwaves and women are like crockpots. This analogy highlights that men get stimulated more easily than women because of their visual nature, while women take longer because they respond when they feel connected and romanced.

So while the movie may highlight some truth, the use of this truth to ‘rope’ a man by wearing low seductive tops and short skirts is not the answer.

In addition, the movie hints that men are only after ‘one thing’ and care nothing of the female’s interests or personality. This paints a rather animalistic view of males which I believe to be unfair.

The point of highlighting the microwave and crockpot truth is to teach teens how to dress modestly and to not arouse or manipulate their date. In addition, we stress the need for self-control for both parties and the importance of getting to know each other before getting physical.

And so, we find TheUglyTruth to rather be that Hollywood is NOT the source for romantic advice and certainly NOT the model for healthy and long-lasting relationships.

Marriage is Good for the Brain

2009-08-24T14:42:00.003-04:00

Dr. Ranit Mishori
August 9, 2009

Parade Magazine

We’ve known for some time that married people live longer. Now a new study suggests that matrimony may also help keep the mind sharp—warding off age-related issues like memory loss or dementia.

Researchers studied the changes among a group of 1400 people from Finland—starting from when they were all aged 50 or so, then again 20 years later—and reported the results in the British Medical Journal. They found that the individuals with the greatest risk for Alzheimer’s disease were those who were widowed or divorced at midlife and remained so. Being single at midlife was also a risk factor.

This “marriage effect” appears not to be influenced by how much education the individuals had attained, how much physical exercise they got, or whether they otherwise had active social lives—all factors that other studies have found to be important in determining the risk of dementia.

The authors suggest that having a partner might provide additional mental and social challenges that somehow stimulate the brain and delay the onset of dementia.

Of course, getting Alzheimer’s is not dependent simply on lifestyle. This devastating illness involves a complex interaction of factors that include genetics and environment. What is clear, however, is that people who maintain a healthy and active lifestyle—physically, socially, mentally, and perhaps maritally—appear to have a lower risk of developing the disease.

'Black Manifesto' is a call to rally the African-American community

2009-08-21T13:54:00.006-04:00

In a powerful column in Erie's Sunday paper, Bishop Dwane Brock voiced his call to action for the black community. "We cannot expect others to do for us what we can do for ourselves," Brock writes.

The piece empowers the reader with the possibilities for a better society, yet it takes a critical look at the downward spiral and reinforced stereotypes plaguing the black community.

The manifesto is a "prognosis for civility," in three major areas:

The strength of black women
The courage of black men
The need to disintegrate stereotypes

Brock highlights "sexual responsibility" as being imperative to the future and health of the community. He encourages teens with the following:

There are activities that you are too good to involve yourself in. Your
attitude must be: 'I will not give in to the societal or hormonal pressures of being sexually active before I am ready to pay the high cost of
consequences.' Your mentality must be rooted and grounded in a hot pursuit of your goals, dreams and vision. These must become your priorities.

In the manifesto, Brock calls black mothers to teach their daughters the dangers of sexual activity and the weight of out-of-wedlock childbearing. For the men, he highlights the dangers of "uncontrollable passion" and how "having multiple sex partners is irresponsible, ridiculous, unheathy and ultimately will backfire on you."

For all adults, Brock's call to action is this:

If the more mature and experienced generation doesn't teach the younger generation, how shall they learn?

Will we, black and white alike, heed this call to action? That decision is up to you.

Read the Erie Times News article by clicking here

Gardasil Controversy

2009-08-20T11:17:00.005-04:00

From: WaitforyourMate.com

If you haven’t seen it already, this Good Morning America segment addresses new evidence about the risks of Gardasil, a vaccine approved by the FDA in 2006 to prevent the cancer-causing STD human papillomavirus (HPV).

When it was approved, the CDC and FDA recommended girls (at risk for developing cervical cancer if they are infected with HPV) become vaccinated as early as 11 years old. In the last three years, GMA reports, 7 million Americans have been vaccinated. Of those, 772 cases of serious side effects have been recorded, including 32 deaths.

For concerned parents, this report may be cause to do more research before vaccinating your children. In addition, some parents feel that talking to their teen about sex, in addition to teaching self-control and delay of gratification will keep their child safe from having sex before marriage and thus save them from ALL risks of STDs, including HPV and the resulting cervical cancer.

Read more from Journal of the American Medical Association. It's a great editorial that asks some needed questions!!

Food for Thought

2009-08-18T16:01:00.004-04:00

Most parents raise their children with the knowledge that they should eat their plate of veggies before delving in the delights of dessert.

Such a task takes self-control, a character trait that children have very little of. Because they lack the initial willpower, parents help out by putting the cookies out of reach, insisting upon family dinners in which they can monitor correct eating, and offering explanations of why eating vegetables is good for you. This is because self-control is a learned character trait, a muscle that needs to be exercised in order to be strengthened.

The idea that “all kids deserve cookies” or “they are going to eat cookies anyway” doesn’t even dawn on parents. That’s because it’s absurd! Instead, parents are fully convinced of what is BEST for their children, and the responsibility of parenthood drives them to both teach and model habits that lead to healthy living.

But what if parents wanted their children to wait until after dinner to enjoy dessert, but were worried that they might not be able to resist the temptation? Would it be ok for the parents to then tell their children how to sneak dessert but avoid the consequences?

Let’s think about that. Wouldn’t the children then loose all motivation for waiting or even learning to enjoy vegetables, if they knew they could get away with sneaking dessert early? Of course! Our human nature is selfish and if we can take the easy road to gratifying our desires, we will!

What’s more, the resulting consequences would not be immediate. Overtime the unhealthy decision to fill up on dessert would have huge ramifications such as poor nutrition, costly dentist visits, chance of obesity, and risk of lowered self-esteem.

But sometimes it’s not the parents who communicate a permissive message, but others in the community, particularly those who sell the dessert! For example, what if the ice-cream man knew that your child wanted some sweets before dinner and would conveniently make dessert available without your knowledge? Doesn’t that undermine your role as a parent?

What if we were no longer talking about kids and dessert, but teens and sex? The stakes are no longer poor nutrition but sexually transmitted diseases, teen pregnancy, preventable heartaches, and tainted reputations.

Are you a parent who holds up an uncompromising standard of optimal health in your home? Do you teach and model healthy relationship habits that will instruct your children in the area of self-control?

Or do you tell them to wait to have sex, but if they can’t…here’s a condom? What message are you sending them?

It puts new meaning to the saying, “Having your cake and eating it too.”

FL Quarterback Tebow Leaves Reporters Speechless: "Yes I am" Saving Myself for Marriage

2009-08-07T12:13:00.007-04:00

Also says he is grateful that his mother's story has helped women choose not to have an abortion

By John Jalsevac

July 30, 2009 (LifeSiteNews.com) - Last week Florida Gators Quarterback Tim Tebow's photo may have graced the cover of Sports Illustrated, the same magazine that is best known for its annual "swimsuit issue," but the contrast between the two cover stories couldn't have been more glaring.

At 21 years of age and graced with boyish good looks, Tebow is one of the most talked about rising stars of the NCAA; but the football superstar literally left reporters speechless last week when he answered a question during a press conference about whether or not he is "saving himself" for marriage.

"Yes I am," said Tebow briefly, who then indicated he was ready for the next question. However, in the video of the press conference, a reporter is heard stumbling over his words in the background as he tries to ask a follow-up question. Tebow then laughs, obviously reacting to the reactions of the reporters in the room.

"I think y'all were stunned by that," he says. "Y'all can't even ask a question. Wow. I mean, I was ready for that question. I don't think y'all were."

It wasn't the only controversial remark that Tebow made that day. In response to another question about whether or not people may be tired of the volume of coverage devoted to the young football star, Tebow, a devout Christian, said that the level of exposure he receives is a mixed blessing. However, he said, he looks at the positive side that, thanks to his fame, he has been able to share his Christian faith with so many people.

In addition, the football star told the reporters that he believes that the publicity given to his mother's story has helped other women choose not to abort their unborn children.

Tebow's mother, who serves as a Christian missionary together with her husband, was pressured to abort Tebow following a life-threatening infection she suffered while pregnant with him. Doctors pressured her to abort her son to save her own life, but she ultimately resisted the pressure and both mother and child survived the birth.

"There has been a lot of people that have been encouraged not to have an abortion because they heard the story of my mom, or they have been encouraged because they have heard me give my faith on TV or in a report or something," said Tebow. "

You know what, although there has been a backlash, oh, well. You know what, I'll deal with it if I have to. It's not a big deal to me because of the kids and people that have been encouraged by the stories we have tried to tell and by the life that I've tried to live."

Growing up Tebow would often help his parents with their Christian mission work in the Philippines. He was homeschooled by his mother, who instilled in her children strong Christian values.

Tebow was the first home-schooled athlete to be nominated for the Heisman Trophy. "That's really cool," he said at the time. "A lot of times people have this stereotype of homeschoolers as not very athletic - it's like, go win a spelling bee or something like that - it's an honor for me to be the first one to do that."

Click here to watch the video from the press conference

Virginity TAKEN

2009-08-03T14:28:00.008-04:00

The other day my husband and I watched a movie called Taken. (Please note: I am not writing to promote or demote the movie in any way). After the heart-beating action was over and the movie came to a tear-jerking end, I began to ponder the value of virginity as displayed in the movie.

Let me give you a brief summary of the movie to help make my point (warning: plot spoilers below):

Kim is a beautiful, lively, 17 years old and the pride of her father, a retired secret service agent. Kim convinces her reluctant father, along with her mother and stepfather, to let her travel with her friend Amanda to Paris. Shortly after arriving the unsuspecting girls are taken by an Albanese gang of human trafficers. Kim’s father vows to find and kill her kidnappers and sets off to use his years experience to save her. Kim’s kidnappers don’t hold onto her for long however, for it is discovered that Kim is of high value – for she is a virgin. Kim is therefore forced into the sex trade, controlled by drugs, clothed in revealing attire, and put on display for the highest bidder. This is how her father finally finds her.

It is certainly an intense plot with a disturbing look at the evils of humanity and the hidden economics of sex trafficking.

But the point I want to make is this. Kim is of value because of her virginity.

Yet earlier in the movie her friend Amanda teases Kim because she hasn’t “done” it yet. It is clear that Amanda doesn’t see virginity as valuable, yet something that upon loosing gains you prowess, popularity and partners. Why is it that in our American culture being a virgin is a terrible thing, a source of peer-imposed embarrassment and media-driven stigmas?

And yet, Kim’s virginity is of value only so that some sick, wealthy, older man can selfishly “take” it from her. The title of the movie Taken brings on a whole new meaning.

It is in light of the vicious, greediness of her perpetrators that Kim’s untouched beauty shines more clearly. It is undeniable that a virgin poses an allure felt by all, not solely men.

(funny how feminists would fight virginity as an “old age” societal constraint of their freedoms…yet I wonder how they would respond to this)

I heard one woman put it like this:
“Virgins poses an allure, not because of their purity, but because of the strength that it takes to pose it.”

To read more on sex trafficking, check out Siddharth Kara’s excellent book
Sex Trafficking: Inside the Business of Modern Slavery.

BORED this summer?? WE'VE GOT THINGS TO DO!

2009-07-30T12:46:00.005-04:00

The following is a MySpace bulletin targeting bored teens posted by one of our staff...

Everyday I see some new teen post something like this on their status:

BoReD.
....ummm....yeah. NOTHING to do!
Staring at the wall. Txt me!

So, I get the message. You're bored. During the school year you have no free time because you're booked with homework and extracurricular activities.

But in the summer everything seems to slow down.

Some of you think you're too old for camp. Others think you're too young for a job.

So you sit at your computer and tell everyone you have nothing to do.

Well - I've got a couple of GREAT IDEAS for you then!

Go to our website. We've got a whole section devoted to bored teens. check it out here!
Do you like reading? Do you like the thought of being featured on our website? Click here to find out how to do both!
Get outside! Have you gone to 8 Great Tuesdays, the beach, or the free movies at the park? More great ideas are listed here.

There's no excuse for being bored! Find something to do!!

Sexting 101: Miami-Dade schools may be first to teach danger

2009-07-30T10:45:00.011-04:00

By Kathleen McGrory

The Miami-Dade school district wants to be a national leader in combating teenage ''sexting,'' the practice of sending sexy or nude photos over a cellphone.

On Thursday, Superintendent Alberto Carvalho said he would like to work with government and law enforcement agencies to develop a cutting-edge School Board policy -- and preach the dangers of sending racy pictures.

''This is to protect kids, to make them aware of the legal implications of some of their virtual transactions,'' Carvalho said.

Because ''sexting'' can be considered pornography, young people who send pictures of themselves or their classmates can be charged with a felony.

In Pennsylvania, six teenagers were recently hit with child pornography charges. A teen in Brevard County was forced to register as a sex offender.

If approved by the School Board, the Miami-Dade district's approach to sexting will be comprehensive, said Assistant Superintendent Ava Byrne.

First, school officials will develop a curriculum to be initiated this school year educating students about the issue. The lessons will be designed for students based on their age, Byrne said. Younger students, for example, might learn about the appropriate use of technology, or respect for themselves and their peers.

Additionally, teachers will receive special training, Byrne said.

Parents will be involved, too. The district plans to develop special strategies for them.

''Parents may not know how to initiate the conversation with their children,'' Byrne said.

Mindy Gould, who heads the Miami-Dade Council of PTAs/PTSAs, said she welcomes the opportunity to work with the district on the issue.

''As parents, we have to realize this is something that's going on,'' she said. "I'm glad the district is taking a strong position.''

Sexting is rampant among U.S. teens: One in five said they had sent nude photographs or videos of themselves, according to a survey by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy.

What's more, about half the teenagers surveyed said it was common for sexually explicit photos to get passed around among friends.

Teenagers -- and preteens -- communicate with each other through text messages. Many send photos of themselves to their friends.

In Miami-Dade, district policy allows kids to have cellphones in schools, but they must be turned off during classes.

The school system is one of a handful raising awareness about sexting, Carvalho said.

In Broward County, the school district's code of conduct warns that use of a camera phone may result in additional consequences beyond confiscation if used to take pictures that are pornographic or obscene.

Broward School Board member Robin Bartleman brought up the issue earlier this year at meetings on the code of conduct and asked that the district make an effort to educate students on the consequences of sexting.

''They shouldn't be doing it anyway,'' she said. "They need to know that there are serious penalties.''

The Miami-Dade School Board will take a formal vote on the proposed policy at its meeting Wednesday.

If the policy is approved, the district will also begin conversations with local law enforcement and government agencies to review the existing laws. School system officials hope to put together policy recommendations, too.

Marriage celebrated in YouTube smash hit!

2009-07-27T16:19:00.003-04:00

ThinkMarriage.org Blog

posted by Michele Olson

If you are on the Internet at all, or watch TV, by now you have seen the unexpected video of what appears to be a normal wedding ceremony except the bridal party dances down the aisle…and culminates with the groom and bride doing the same thing. I saw it last week for the first time and twittered it and laughed my head off. I watched it at least five times because I loved it so much.

This all took place on June 20th in a St. Paul church at the beginning of Jill Peterson and Kevin Heinz’s wedding. With You Tube now boasting 1.75 million hits and growing and multiple TV appearances, how people proceed down the aisle may never be the same.

A Saturday Washington Post article talks about the whole story including the fact that they claimed to have only one rehearsal. You can watch the video and read the story here.

Congrats to the fun, gutsy couple who made their wedding their own and wanted to express to their family and friends the joy they were feeling about entering into marriage. Perhaps they have opened the door to more people expressing their personalities in small or larger ways as they express their love in the wedding ceremony.

This is a great boost for how to enter a wedding. Now…what could we do in a compatible way to get people as excited about the marriage in a huge viral move?

How about spreading the word about our :15 sec to a Better Marriage Webisodes. You can access them right here in the right hand column of our blog or at http://www.thinkmarriage.org/

Do you think we could create the same kind of buzz if everyone reading this just started sending them all over the place? Let’s try!

Journalists Link Rising Teen Pregnancy Rates to Bush Administration

2009-07-24T13:39:00.006-04:00

Rates of teen pregnancy, STDs rose during 2006-2007. Does this mean abstinence education isn't working?

by Ruth Moon

July 23, 2009

The rates of teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases in the U.S. rose steadily during the Bush administration, U.K. newspaper The Guardian reported earlier this week.

The Centers for Disease Control press release mentions three statistics as “signs that progress has halted in some areas” (the full report is here):

Teen birth rates increased in 2006 and 2007, following large declines from 1991-2005.
Rates of AIDS cases among males aged 15-24 years increased during 1997-2006 (AIDS-related data reflect people with HIV who have already progressed to AIDS.)
Syphilis cases among teens and young adults aged 15-19 and 20-24 years have increased in both males and females in recent years.

U.S. News and World Report's Bonnie Erbe responds to the statistics by directly blaming Bush and the "Christian Right," while The Dallas Morning News's Tod Robberson offers tips for how to educate teens about sex, and Time magazine adds perspective by examining the numbers specifically for young women in foster care.

Not all the data in the release are new; The New York Times reported on some of it in 2007, where Robert Rector, a senior fellow with the American Heritage Association, connected low levels of education with a desire for motherhood without marriage.“We should be telling them that for the well-being of any child, it’s critically important that you be over the age of 20 and that you be married,” he said. “That message is not given at all.”

The Guardian article reports, “Although the CDC does not attribute a cause, groups that support comprehensive sex education have seized on the report as evidence of the failure of religiously-driven policies that shy away from teaching about contraception in favor of emphasizing avoiding sexual contact.”

Most headlines link the Bush administration with the rising pregnancy and STD rates. This brings up the question: If the three things are linked, why did teen pregnancy rates continue to drop for the first five years of Bush’s tenure before rising in his sixth year?

Maybe there’s a good answer for this — if so, please leave it in the comments.

The Guardian quotes Kristi Hamrick with the conservative nonprofit American Values as saying:

“It is ridiculous to say that a program we nominally invest in has failed when it fails to overcome the most sexualized culture in world history. Education that emphasizes abstinence as the best option for teens makes up a minuscule part of overall sex education in the United States.”

In other words, pregnancy rates increased because we were not pushing abstinence education hard enough, and we need to work harder.

What do you think?

Read the original post here

TIME for a Sober Look at Marriage

2009-07-23T14:13:00.009-04:00

Posted on the Heritage Foundation blog
In Family and Religion

This week’s TIME magazine cover story, Unfaithfully Yours, dramatically laments the collapse of marriage:

“There is no other single force causing as much measurable hardship and human misery in this country, as the collapse of marriage. It hurts children, it reduces mothers’ financial security, and it has landed with particular devastation on those who can bear it least: the nation’s underclass,” writes Caitlin Flanagan.

Flanagan’s clarion call is backed by demographic trends that have now reached a point where nearly four of every ten babies is born out of wedlock and only half of all teenagers live in intact families. Cause for alarm is also found in a bevy of academic studies revealing the impact of the dissolution of the nuclear family on the life prospects and well-being of adults and their children.

Research has clearly shown the physical, emotional, and fiscal benefits that married couples experience, as well as the devastating impact that the decline of the intact family has for the next generation. Compared with peers living with both biological parents, children and youth in other family structures fare worse in terms of academic achievement, mental and emotional health, and problem behavior. A father’s presence and involvement can make a lasting difference in a child’s prospects for life.

A married father is more likely to be involved with his children–as Flanagan quotes our own Robert Rector– while unmarried fathers are “soon out the door” when the demands of family life inevitably occur.

Surveys have indicated that American adolescents’ attitudes toward marriage tend to be hopeful (76 percent said that the institution of marriage and family life are “extremely important” and 81 percent said that they expected to marry), but trends in their favorable attitudes toward cohabitation and premarital sexual activity belie that hope. Research indicates that cohabiting couples are more likely to experience divorce in a subsequent marriage and premarital sex is likewise related to an increased likelihood of divorce.

A study sponsored by the US Department of Health and Human Services, “Pathways to Adulthood and Marriage,” reveals that the quality of parents’ marriages has an impact on what youths anticipate for their own future, declaring that “Teens’ expectations of what a romantic relationship should be are undoubtedly influenced by the romantic relationships of their parents.” The downward spiral of the nuclear family is, thus, likely to continue, unless the concept of marriage is once again linked to personal responsibility, obligation, and a willingness to sacrifice. In Flanagan’s words,

“The fundamental question we must ask ourselves at the beginning of the century is this: What is the purpose of marriage? Is it—given the game-changing realities of birth control, female equality, and the fact that motherhood outside of marriage is no longer stigmatized—simply an institution that has the capacity to increase the pleasure of the adults who enter into it? If so, we might as well hold the wake now…The current generation of children [is]watching commitments between adults snap like dry twigs and observing parents who simply can’t be bothered to marry each other.”

Read the original post here.

How do you break up? A Telus mobile ad gives options...

2009-07-22T10:27:00.004-04:00

The Future is Friendly?
By Wendy Shalit
July 18, 2008

A TELUS mobile poster recently caught my eye. It was a simple subway ad asking the question, "How do you break up?" Here were my options, according to Telus: "Text, email, call, messenger?" Then at the bottom, without any trace of irony: "Telus. The future is friendly."

Apparently, not friendly enough. Call me old-fashioned, but what happened to breaking up in person? I mean, it's great that Facebook gives me an update whenever "So-and-so is no longer in a relationship with so-and-so," but this always makes me worry that this is the same way so-and-so found out she'd been dumped in the first place.

Lately, I've gotten a slew of Facebook messages connected to breakups-by-text, and so I'm wondering: How do people handle this, emotionally? When someone "unfriends" you on Facebook, there is no real way to retaliate; there's no option to "Mark As, I Didn't Want to be His Friend Anyway'" or "Mark As Enemy." And that's annoying enough, but take a relationship with intimate feelings and potentially intimate body parts involved, and I would imagine that the feelings of rejection are multiplied a thousandfold if someone merely texts you "buh-bye!"

What do you think? Is this really appropriate and I'm missing something? I can see how someone might delude himself into thinking that he's tech-savvy because he's breaking up via a text message. But maybe he--or she-- is just emotionally repressed.

Here's a spoofed version of the Telus ad:

Makes a point, doesn't it?

Subscribe to the Good Girl Revolution here

The Best form of "Life-Control"

2009-07-21T11:42:00.001-04:00

Enough said.

To hear more positive messages for our youth, check out our website: www.wc2ed.org

AC Green and the Abstinence Message

2009-07-20T10:43:00.006-04:00

Examiner.com article: Why Choose Abstinence?
By: Tabitha Butler
July 17, 2009

I was flipping through the channels and I landed on TBN. The host was interviewing this guy with a afro. Upon further observation, I noticed it was A.C. Green, the former NBA player.

A.C. Green is known for his great basketball skills but also for his stand on abstinence. He spent 16 years in the NBA and not once did he engage in sex...an incredible feat.

The TBN interview was very intriguing because he spoke of the importance of abstinence education for our youth. He has a foundation called the A.C. Youth Foundation. It's about building character, building strong minds and strong bodies, winning and losing with dignity, teamwork and sacrifice. Among many other things, he provides programs that ignites dreams and promotes an abstinence program that says it's okay to wait until marriage.

He created an activities book entitled Game Plan, which uses a positive, sports-themed approach to understanding the benefits of abstinence. The eight-session program helps teens to formulate a game plan for their future and helps them to decide for themselves that abstinence is the healthiest choice.

What better way to promote abstinence than to live your life in that same manner!
Thanks A.C. Green!

Check out reasons to wait...given by the children in his foundation!

Click here to support the A.C. Green Foundation

Click here to read the original article from the Examiner.com

Response to: Schools Should Give Kids Free Contraceptives

2009-07-17T11:00:00.003-04:00

Abstinence Education Is the Key
by Moira Gaul, Family Research Council

After 30 years of implementation and evaluation, there is no compelling evidence of contraceptive distribution and instruction programs having had a sustained and meaningful effect on "protective" behaviors—that is, "consistent and correct condom use" in classroom-type settings.

As a public health intervention method, contraceptive programs have simply failed American youth: An STD epidemic currently exists amongst young people. One in four teenage girls nationwide has an STD, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention; the U.S. continues to have the highest teen pregnancy rate in the industrialized world; and the toll from the negative psychological sequelae associated with adolescent sex is having an impact on mental health and the pursuit of life-goals.

Decreasing teen sexual activity is key to decreasing poverty, since single parenting is strongly linked to poverty. Research shows that the younger a teen starts having sex, the greater risk of pregnancy. A 2002 study from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy found that almost half of all girls who have sex before age 15 get pregnant. The distribution of contraceptives does nothing to promote healthy relationships, healthy family formation, and marriage, where a greater probability for economic stability exists.

As well as increased risk of non-marital pregnancy, substance abuse and poor academic achievement are associated with teen sexual activity and can affect school drop-out rates. According to data from the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, those who were sexually active were three times more likely to be depressed than those who were abstinent. By contrast, teens who abstain from sex enhance their abilities to achieve short-term and long-term life goals.

Young people deserve a whole-person approach, including physical, emotional, and psychological dimensions. The primary prevention strategy, or risk-avoidance abstinence approach, provides for a health paradigm in which youth are better able to develop during adolescent years and from which society will benefit.

http://www.businessweek.com/debateroom/archives/2008/07/schools_should.html

Local Nonprofit Launches Character Curriculum

2009-07-16T09:12:00.005-04:00

The Women's Care Center of Erie County, Inc has recently launched Carington's Wild Character Adventure (CWCA), an innovative and exciting character education curriculum designed for Kindergarten, 1st grade, 2nd grade, 3rd grade, and 4th grade.

Years of research, development, field testing and refinement have resulted in the production of the CWCA curriculum!

The CWCA curriculum reflects key components of the Resiliency Wellness education model:

Skills for life
High expectations
Meaningful engagement
Opportunities for connectedness and bonding

Carington the giraffe leads the “wild” adventure! Children discover the value of character by exploring exotic and domestic animals, each creatively paired with a key character trait.

To take part in the adventure or to find out more: http://www.characteradventure.com/

A closer look at: Britain Tells Teens Sex OK

2009-07-15T13:24:00.007-04:00

In today’s local Erie newspaper there was an article entitled Britain Tells Teens Sex Ok. Sound shocking? Just wait until you read more about their new approach to sex education.

Rather than taking what the writer would consider the “traditional approach” to sex education by discussing the dangers of STDs and therefore the importance of condoms for children, our European counterpart has taken an even more unabashed approach. Britain has declared sexual activity not only as acceptable behavior, but what’s more a pleasurable expectation all teens deserve.

The National Health Service in the city of Sheffield produced a booklet called “Pleasure” “which has a section called "an orgasm a day" that encourages educators to tell teens about the positive physical and emotional effects of sex and masturbation, which is described as an easy way for people to explore their bodies and feel good.”

After reading that particular section of the article, I was aghast. Why have Americans continued to acclaim that Europe is more “advanced and progressive” than the US? With teen pregnancy numbers masked by abortions rates, we foolishly believe their approach will result in less physical consequences for our teens, not to mention emotional, social and spiritual ramifications.

For those who have ever been in a relationship, you know that to be a truly great lover one must be selfless and devoted to the pleasure of the other to be fully satisfied in the end. The approach Britain is heralding has the great potential to encourage selfish and self-gratifying infantile lovers who will be continually unsatisfied.

Why would we encourage casual sex among youth when the research evidence shows only harmful consequences of such activity? The consequences do not end with pregnancy and STDs, but continues with increased depression and suicide attempts, increased chance of living in poverty and depending on welfare, increased school dropout and expulsion, less stable marriages, and lower academic achievement (read more here).

What’s more, brain research has shown us that oxytocin and vasopressin, the “feel good hormones” released during sex have huge implications in bonding two people together. Dr. McIlhaney and Dr. Bush, in their book Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children write:

"An individual who goes from sex partner to sex partner is causing his or her brain to mold and gel so that it eventually begins accepting that sexual pattern as normal. For most people this brain pattern seems to interfere with the development of the neurological circuits necessary for long-term relationships that for most people result in stable marriages and family development. The pattern of changing sex partners therefore seems to damage their ability to bond in a committed relationship."

No wonder our divorce rate is so high! We encourage teen sexual activity and rely on contraceptives as means of avoiding consequences and completely condone the activity among teens as the expected norm!

As thinking citizens we must turn and run from Britain’s model and instead encourage and support models that instead build healthy individuals and stable marriages and families if we are to have any hope for our already crumbling society.

Read the original article here:
http://www.goerie.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2009307159951

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2009-07-14T12:56:00.005-04:00

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8 Traits of Teens Who Abstain From Sex, by Dr. Bernadine Healy

2009-07-14T10:17:00.006-04:00

Do you think your teen has what it takes to be successful? To be marked by character and academic achievement? What if I told you that those things are intertwined with students choosing to delay pleasurable outcomes, such as sex, until marriage? To read more, click the link below...

(Excerpt from "8 Traits of Teens Who Abstain From Sex," a US News blog)

Most parents, whatever their own background or personal maturity, still want their own high-schoolers to be abstinent.

Encouraging abstinence—maintained or regained—should be the goal of all teens. In fact, by the measure of recent sexual behavior, rather than virginity, close to 70 percent of high school students are abstinent. And many teens who are not currently abstinent are succumbing to peer pressure, real or virtual. (A Kaiser Family Foundation survey found that a third of sexually active teens were not so sure about it, and roughly a quarter said they were doing "something sexual they didn't really want to do.")

High school abstinence is associated with better physical and mental health across socioeconomic groups, no matter how much you torture the statistics. Teens themselves will tell you that they have stayed away from sexual intercourse because of their own fear of pregnancy (which new data suggest is on the rise, with teen births up in 26 states) and sexually transmitted diseases, not because they're weird or antisex. And there is plenty of evidence that being able to make an abstinence decision is linked to less depression and suicidal thinking.

Kids who can make abstinence decisions do better in school, too, even when the comparison group was matched for social background and the desire to pursue education. Abstinent teens are far more likely to attend and graduate from college than those who are sexually active, based on an analysis of the NIH-supported National Longitudinal Survey of Adolescent Health by Robert Rector and Kirk Johnson, researchers at the Heritage Foundation. Seems obvious: less distraction and more time to study.

But maybe it's more. The researchers identified eight personality and behavioral traits that were associated with both abstinence and academic achievement—traits that to some extent may be inborn but can also be taught and reinforced regularly at home and at school:

Future orientation, with a focus on long-term goals
Willingness to postpone current pleasures for larger future rewards
Perseverance, as in the ability to stick to a task or commitment
A belief that current behavior can positively affect the future
Impulse control, including ability to control emotions and desires
Resistance to peer influence
Respect for parental and social values
Sense of self-worth and personal dignity

The right kind of sex education of our young is really about more than sex. It's about raising the kind of people we all want to be.

Babysitting - Effective Birth Control

2009-07-13T14:23:00.005-04:00

(You know, being a parent is actually a lot harder than it looks)

Have you ever had to stay home and watch your younger sister or brother? What about canceling your weekend plans because you had to babysit and earn some money?

I often babysat during middle and high school, both for money and for my brothers and sisters. At the end of the night though it was always such a comfort to know I could give the child (or children) back to their parents and return to my teenage life.

However, some teens today are being forced to skip adolescence altogether and are instead being launched into adulthood with all the ensuing responsibilities. Feeding, diapers, cost of formula, strollers, car seats, not to mention doctor visits and lack of sleep and social life.

Sound like fun? Nope. That's because being a parent is not a picnic - it is hard work - yet it has its rewards. But parenting for adults comes in the safety and support of a loving marriage, where both husband and wife can share the responsibilities of the child.

Too often teens are single parents or parents whose juvenile relationship is on the rocks with the stress that a child always brings.

So when you’re babysitting next, do this for me. Think hard about what life would be like if you can't give the child back at the end of the night.

Is it a life that you want for yourself one day - I hope so. But when you're ready. When you're married. When you've prepared a home of love for the child to grow up in.

Is it a life that you want for yourself TODAY? That's only a question that you can answer.

Devoted dad key to reducing risky teen sex

2009-07-07T12:13:00.007-04:00

A new study was released this June that highlights something commonsense would tell us, but that now science backs up. Involved parents, particularly fathers, are crucial for the development of healthy children. Specifically, this study focused on the relationship between parent involvement and sexual activity of teens.

A review of the findings were reported on MSNBC.com (click here to read it). Check out this remarkable quote from the article:

Parental knowledge of a teen's friends and activities was rated on a five point scale. When it came to the dads, each point higher in parental knowledge translated into a 7 percent lower rate of sexual activity in the teen. For the moms, one point higher in knowledge translated to a 3 percent lower rate of teen sexual activity. The impact of family time overall was even more striking. One additional family activity per week predicted a 9 percent drop in sexual activity.

So, how do you reduce your child's chance of being sexually active, running the risk of contracting an STD or getting pregnant? Talk to them, be involved in their lives...CARE! And what's more, eat dinner together and devote time to spend as a whole family.

Do these things, and commonsense (and now science) tell us that your child will have greater chances at a happy and healthy life!

Information on the study:

Fathers' and Mothers' Parenting Predicting and Responding to Adolescent Sexual Risk Behaviors (p 808-827)
Rebekah Levine Coley, Elizabeth Votruba-Drzal, Holly S. Schindler
Published Online from the Journal of Child Development: May 15 2009 6:57

The Slight Edge Principle for the Overwhelmed Student:

2009-07-02T11:57:00.004-04:00

Guest Blogger Patti Fitzgerald, Presentation Specialist for the WC2ed.

Success! How do we define it? How do we achieve it? How do we get that slight edge that launches us well?

Success is not defined by the amount of money you gain or the letters after your name. It includes all areas of life including but not limited to relationships, health, sports, music, adventure, faith, etc. It’s about doing life well.

High school students are constantly encouraged to envision their futures. They are asked on a frequent, almost daily basis, “What do you want to become?” It is a great question. I heard a comedian once say that the reason adults ask teenagers this question all the time is because they are looking for ideas. The reality is that this question and the thoughts it provokes can sometimes become overwhelming. So how do we set ourselves up to succeed in our future endeavors? I recently read some great advice in the book Success for Teens.

A daughter heading off to college nervously asked her dad, “How am I going to do well in college, how am I going to stand out?” Her father’s advice outlines the slight edge principle. “Show up for your class everyday, and do the things your professors tell you to do, you’re going to beat 50% of the people by just doing that.”

Discipline yourself in the small things and the payoffs are huge. We always think that there’s a short line. I know I frequently try to find the short line at Walmart, and then hear the price check announced in my line. There are no short lines and no short cuts. Big things happen when a multitude of little things come together. When you feel overwhelmed, just continue doing your daily tasks well, and you will discover the path to true success!

(check out: http://www.successfoundation.org/ for more information about the book and other teen resources)

India Refuses to "Sell Condoms" in Schools - Then why do we??

2009-07-01T15:15:00.006-04:00

Friday June 12, 2009

Indian Government: Sex Education “Has Absolutely No Place” in Our Schools - It “Promotes Promiscuity”

By Hilary White

NEW DELHI, June 12, 2009 (LifeSiteNews.com) – The Indian government has rejected western-style sex education programs, saying they do nothing to solve the problem of teenage pregnancy but only exacerbate the problem by promoting sexual promiscuity.

A government report on the matter was issued in response to a citizen-launched petition against a decision by the Union Ministry of Human Resource Development (HRD) to start sex-education in schools. The program had been touted as a means of preventing the spread of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. Materials for teachers and facilitators in India included explicit details about “alternative methods” of sex, including anal and oral sex, presented as a means of avoiding AIDS.

According to the government, the curriculum prepared with material from UNICEF, had “shocked the consciences” of the country and was described as “quite frightening.” If implemented, the report said, it would “promote promiscuity of the worst kind.” The report was issued in March by a committee of the Rajya Sabha, the upper house of the Indian Parliament, and says that the introduction of sex education in India’s schools should at least be delayed until the issue has been fully debated in public.

The Indian government’s reasoning stands in sharp contrast to that of the West, which, in reaction to steadily increasing rates of teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, has invariably increased access to free contraceptives and abortion and exposed ever-younger children to more explicit sex education.

The testimony of witnesses and petitioners upon which the report was based was a stinging critique of the effects that such programs have had in the countries that have embraced them. The petitioners told the committee that the proposed curriculum would “strike at the root of the cultural fabric of our society that had been nourished over the millennia.”

If implemented, the petitioners said, the program would “corrupt Indian youth and lead to collapse of the education system.” Over all, they said, such programs are nothing more than an “education to sell condoms” that will lead to the creation of an “immoral society” and to an increase in single-parent families.

The report accused the HRD ministry, in its efforts to quash the petition, of using “technical jargon and euphemisms” in order to downplay the fears of the petitioners.

So explicit was the material in question that in the process of their submissions to the committee, petitioners had been asked not to give a PowerPoint presentation because the committee was “not comfortable with it and [it] could be embarrassing especially to the lady Members and other lady staff present.”

Petitioners had pointed to the increasing rate of teenage pregnancies in other countries, noting that in France, schools are equipped with nurses to distribute “contraceptive pills” to girls the morning after “unsafe sex.” The report also noted the situation in the UK, in which schools are “connected to abortion centres to terminate teenage pregnancies.”

Pratiba Naitthani, a co-petitioner and teacher, told the committee that “nothing was safer than abstinence till marriage.”

To read the full report, click here.

URL: http://www.lifesitenews.com/ldn/2009/jun/09061202.html

Adoption website up!

2009-06-30T09:34:00.002-04:00

Check out our Adoption website - now up and running!

www.adoptionbychoice.org

Talk to Me PSA

2009-06-25T09:57:00.005-04:00

Here is a PSA from the Parents Speak Up National Campaign

that the Women's Care Center ran in our local Erie community

Parent-child Communication about Sex

2009-06-25T09:54:00.000-04:00

'Parents Speak Up' National Campaign Encourages Parent-Child Communication About Sex, Study Finds
06-03-2009

RESEARCH TRIANGLE PARK, N.C. — Advertising can be an effective way to encourage parents to talk with their children about sex, according to a new study by researchers at George Washington University and RTI International.

The study, published in the June issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health, found that the "Parents Speak Up National Campaign" successfully encouraged parents to initiate conversations about sex with their children.

"The study adds a new dimension to the larger debate on abstinence education and intervention programs," said Doug Evans, Ph.D., director of public health communication and marketing at George Washington University and the study's lead author. "We found that abstinence messaging delivered to parents through mass media is efficacious in promoting parenting-child communication about sex and thus may be an effective public health strategy."

The results showed that four weeks after exposure to the ad campaign, fathers initiated more conversations with their children than they had previously. And after six months, both fathers and mothers who were exposed to the campaign were more likely to specifically recommend to their children to wait to become sexually active.

"The pattern of initiation of conversations about sex at four weeks post-baseline and then recommendations to their child to wait at six months post-baseline among fathers" is significant, said Kevin Davis, M.A., a senior researcher at RTI and the study's co-author. "This suggests the campaign succeeded in communicating its 'call to action,' particularly among fathers."

The campaign, funded by the Department of Health and Human Services, was launched in June 2007 and primarily uses public service announcements as well as paid television, radio, print and outdoor announcements.

The study included nearly 1,500 parents of children 10 to 14 years old, selected from the Knowledge Networks, an online panel based on a nationally representative sample of U.S. adults. Participants were randomly assigned to experiment conditions, receiving exposure or no exposure to campaign ads and materials. All participants completed a baseline survey prior to exposure and then two follow-up surveys four weeks and six months later.

Carolina NewsWire
http://carolinanewswire.com/news/News.cgi?database=0001news.db&command=viewone&id=3800&op=t

Ramblings of a Marriage Junkie

2009-06-08T12:38:00.002-04:00

I would really encourage anyone interested in marriage and the fight against divorce to check out the blog link below. Great info and resources!

Ramblings of a Marriage Junkie

Just a "TEST DRIVE" - right? A Look at Living Together before Marriage

2009-06-04T12:53:00.003-04:00

The value of taking a relationship for a “test drive” before marriage is a common belief in today’s society.

Did you know that in a recent national survey 66% of high school senior boys and 61% of girls indicated that they “agreed” or “mostly agreed” with this statement: “it is usually a good idea for a couple to live together before getting married in order to find out whether they really get along.”

What a crazy statistic considering this quote from Rutgers University: “It is hard to believe that across America, only 30 years ago, living together for unmarried heterosexual couples was against the law.” Did you even know that?

The truth is that living together (or cohabiting…meaning “co” – with, and “habit” – live) does NOT help to prepare you for marriage or decrease your chance of divorce. In fact, it does the complete opposite, your risk for divorce increases by 46%!

Here are some other harmful affects of living together before marriage:

Increased risk of domestic violence for women, and the risk of physical and sexual abuse for children
Increased risk of depression (by 3 times!)
Lowered levels of happiness and wellbeing than married couples

Let’s go back to the idea of test driving a relationship. That’s all fine and good if you’re the person driving. But what if you’re the car? What if you are discarded and thrown aside when the person decides to “upgrade?” And not only that, but consider this, who wants to buy a car with 100,000 miles on it anyway?

If you value yourself and your future marriage, head the research and WAIT until marriage to live with your significant other. Take this as your “Caution” sign on the road of life.

To read more: http://marriage.rutgers.edu/Publications/swlt2.pdf

Do Gentlemen and Chivalry Still Exist? Or Do Women Meet It with Scorn?

2009-03-16T11:13:00.010-04:00

What is a gentleman? Are gentlemen endangered species? These are some questions the Network of Enlightened Women (NeW) at Arizona State University started to ask. And instead of talking about their body parts during the month of February like feminists performing The Vagina Monologues, these ladies started a dialogue about how to define a gentleman and created a showcase event to acknowledge the gentlemen on their campus.

What did you think of their answers? Did you catch how most of the men thought that there were definitely gentlemen still around, often including themselves in the count! This reveals an interesting perspective described in Guys Speak Out On Chivalry:

It seems that men are lodged between a rock and a hard place. If they try to be chivalrous, feminists call them sexist. Yet if they treat us the way the feminists say we want to be treated—the same as a man—we complain of not getting enough respect.

How do guys define chivalry? Three out of four responded that it had to do with respect, honor, and courtesy towards women. One man spoke openly: “Chivalry is the notion that a man has the duty to respect and serve women.”

Another man affirmed: “It is a set of manners and respect a man should show to a woman as a demonstration of respect towards her.” Another guy said women “need to understand that chivalry isn’t being put down like feminism would like you to believe, but rather is a way a woman can command respect from a man.”

Too often, however, these same men lamented that their efforts to be chivalrous were met with scorn.

The article ends with a challenge to WOMEN to stand up and reclaim chivalrous gentlemanly behavior. If a guy holds the door open for you, don't see it as an insult, but thank him!

"Expect men to rise to the occasion."

To marry or not to marry?...

2009-02-26T16:00:00.002-05:00

posted by Michele Olson from thinkmarriage.org

The average age at first marriage is now almost 26 for women and 28 for men. A growing percentage of Americans aren’t marrying at all.

So what’s a government to do?

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Administration for Children and Families, utilizing their resource center, The National Healthy Marriage Resource Center has decided to talk about it the form of an ad campaign.

Because research shows many benefits to marriage such as better health, greater wealth and more happiness for the couple and improved well-being for children…the government does have a stake in promoting an institution that has shown to have those types of results.

While opponents will argue that the government has no “business” being involved in something as private as marriage, everyone needs to realize that when Americans are not experiencing health, wealth and happiness…the government is often one of the entities they turn to for help. All of sudden scores of Americans are quite happy to involve the government and their funds into their lives.

The media campaign is aimed at the 18-30 year old group, many who have grown up with no real role model for a healthy marriage.

Check out www.twoofus.org

Here’s the entire http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-02-17-marriage-campaign_N.htm

So...what are your thoughts?

Guilt Part of Good Parenting...

2009-01-22T12:44:00.001-05:00

By Marybeth Hicks
Saturday, January 17, 2009

Last night for dinner, I served butternut squash. Despite the fact that I drizzled it with olive oil and seasoned it with salt and pepper and then roasted it until the flesh caramelized slightly and got all tender and yummy, I subsequently had to force-feed my four children to consume this delicious, nutritious vegetable.

Later in the evening, I chased two of my teenagers off to bed. I have to chase people to bed because if I don't, they would stay up until Conan O'Brien waves goodnight. Despite the fact that bed is a warm and comfy place where, once ensconced, these same teens would remain for upward of 14 hours at a stretch, I must still nag them to go there.

This morning, on the chance she didn't hear her alarm clock, I tiptoed through the dark into my daughter's bedroom to be sure she was up in time to finish her extra-credit trigonometry assignment.

Parenting is ever thus. We nag about food and rest and responsibilities because, even though nagging is unpleasant and even frustrating, it's the right thing to do. It's how we moms and dads implement our evil strategies to bring unhappiness upon our offspring - unhappiness disguised as good nutrition, ample sleep and academic achievement.

Every parent knows that doing what's good for our children doesn't always feel good to us. If you doubt this, think back to when your pediatrician first told you about rectal thermometers and why they were best for accuracy in diagnosing fevers in tiny babies.

Up to a point, we might agree that aspects of parenting that seem to cause discomfort to our children simply are necessary and no matter, because children don't really know what's good for them in the first place. We wrestle toddlers into car seats and chase wee ones to the end of the driveway and remove sharp objects from their grasps, but never regret foiling their desires to do whatever they please. Right?

Somewhere in between "buckle your seat belt" and "eat your squash," America's moms and dads have discovered guilt - and not guilt for doing a bad job with their kids, but guilt for doing a good job. Sounds screwy, but it's true.

Here's how it works: You create a policy in your home that reflects your values and that you think is best for your child. Say you decree no texting after dinner or no Facebook page for your middle-schooler. Perhaps you monitor your child's media choices more strictly than the parents of her peers, or you encourage her to pursue hobbies such as reading or crafts, rather than incessant text messaging as a way to pass the time. Sometimes, you even say "no" to social events in favor of family time or other activities.

You chug along happily enough until one evening, your sixth-grader lets you know that she's the only one at the school lunch table who missed last evening's barrage of text messages. Or she whines about not having a Facebook page while "everyone else" has one.

Suddenly the very policies you are certain contribute to your daughter's good grades and general sense of wholesomeness now have you feeling sheepish and even guilty - not because you think your policies are wrong but because your little dear must endure the social consequences of your good parenting.

At this point, you have two choices: Give in and enjoy the dysfunctional moment when caving makes you feel like a hero to your kid; or hold fast and remember that good parenting won't always feel good.

Ah, but nothing worth doing well is ever easy. Why should parenting be any different?

Source: Townhall.com
Copyright © 2008 Salem Web Network. All Rights Reserved.

How much is virginity worth?

2009-01-12T14:15:00.008-05:00

If you had to put a price tag on your virginity, what would be the dollar sign? Most would say "What a ridiculous question! Why would anyone try to put a monetary amount on something so special?!"

Unfortunately for those of us that share that perspective, it would appear that our view of humanity is too high. The shocking news is that a 22 year old college grad from San Diego, CA is making headline news with her intentions to sell her virginity to pay for grad school.

Using the alias Natalie Dylan, she has secured numerous talk shows and international news in which she proclaims:

"I don’t have a moral dilemma with it. Why shouldn’t I be allowed to capitalize on my virginity? I understand some people may condemn me. But I think this is empowering. I’m using what I have to better myself."

Thankfully, some of the talk show hosts agree with the general public - this is prostitution and is completely absurd. Foremost among them is Tyra Banks who brought Natalie, her sister, in addition to a few bunnies from the Moonlite Bunny Ranch in Nevada along with the owner, Dennis Hof to her show.

Dennis, it appears is in full support of Natalie's decision and is happy to host the auction and latter "act" at his brothel. Is Dennis' motivation the liberation of woman and the freedom of sexual expression? Or perhaps he simply wants Natalie to get a good education. No...its rather the 50% cut from Natalie's earnings. And with the highest offers ranging from $1 million to $3.7 million, that's a lot of change in Dennis' pocket.

And the surprise guest on Tyra's show? One of Natalie's bidders! And guess what, he's a 56 year old man who admits "having a virgin" has been one of his "fantasies."

...sick...

As disgusting as this story is, it brings up a good talking point. Can you put a price tag on virginity? Is putting a price tag on your self - on your body - truly liberating? Or is it simply selling yourself into a form of temporary slavery where you are subject to the whims of the buyer?

At one point, Natalie stated that she won't have any harmful side effects by doing this. However, I believe she is underestimating the impact of being that vulnerable with a complete stranger.

Did you know that 2/3 teens regret losing their virginity? In addition, sexually active teens are more likely to be depressed and attempt suicide. Clearly the emotional factors associated with sex are strong! (See http://www.heritage.org/research/abstinence/cda0304.cfm for more info)

I only hope that Natalie will take Tyra Banks' advice: "Please make me proud and change your mind." Only then will she realize that she's worth more...infinitely more!

Flawed study on abstinence pledge

2009-01-06T11:22:00.004-05:00

Washington, DC (LifeNews.com) --

A new study published by the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health claims the abstinence pledges teens sign to refrain from sex until they're married are ineffective. The study claims teens signing such pledges are likely to engage in premarital sex and more likely not to use birth control.

The JHU study examined federal data and found that more than half of teens became sexually active before marriage regardless of whether they signed the abstinence pledge or not.

"Taking a pledge doesn't seem to make any difference at all in any sexual behavior," HU researcher Janet Rosenbaum said. "But it does seem to make a difference in condom use and other forms of birth control that is quite striking."

The study only included 289 students who were 17 in 1996 when they took the virginity pledge and compared with them 645 students who did not take a pledge.

(FYI - Abstinence funding didn't start until Nov of 1997, so this data looked at students receiving "virginity pledges" prior to abstinence programming!!)

By 2001, JHU found 82 percent of those teens taking a pledge had broken their no-premarital-sex promise.

"It seems that pledgers aren't really internalizing the pledge," Rosenbaum told the Washington Post. "It seems like abstinence has to come from an individual conviction rather than participating in a program."

However, the study appeared to indicate that the abstinence programs are not ineffective -- they're just not reinforced by either the schools, parents or society.

Five years after taking a virginity pledge more than 80 percent of pledgers denied ever making such a promise.

That is a point Valerie Huber of the National Abstinence Education Association made in her comments to the Post -- which had her saying the study was flawed and too ideological.

"It is remarkable that an author who employs rigorous research methodology would then compromise those standards by making wild, ideologically tainted and inaccurate analysis regarding the content of abstinence education programs," Huber said.

Huber points to other data showing abstinence education programs effective.

She points to research from Dr. Stan Weed, leading researcher on youth behavior and President of The Institute for Research and Evaluation.

His studies show abstinence education can cut in half the rates of teen sexual activity, and that abstinence education classes do not deter sexually active teens from using condoms.

"Not only do Dr. Weed's studies provide proof that abstinence education is the best health message for teens," Huber said, but she says his research shows "so-called comprehensive sex education has little evidence of success."

"Contraception based programs spend less than 10 percent of class time promoting abstinence," Huber said.

Huber also points to an October 2008 study in the Journal of Adolescent Health by several researchers showing that those who pledged to abstain from sex were much more likely to do so than their peers.

“In the absence of pledging, an estimated 42.4 percent of virgins with characteristics indicating an inclination to pledge initiate intercourse within three years. In the presence of the pledge, 33.6 percent of such youth initiate intercourse," the study found.

Pledgers were also no less likely to use a condom than their peers, that study found.

Some 17 states have decided to reject the abstinence funds from the federal government because their governors or state legislatures want to promote comprehensive sexual education.
The findings of the new study were published in the January issue of the journal Pediatrics.

Related web sites:National Abstinence Education Association - http://www.abstinenceassociation.org/

Inside the Teenage Brain

2008-12-22T14:54:00.002-05:00

The Importance of Self-Control

By ANN PLESHETTE MURPHY and JENNIFER ALLEN of ABC NEWS
July 31, 2006 —

Over-the-top teens like lazy A.J. Soprano and "Desperate Housewives" angst-ridden Andrew and impulsive Danielle reflect our culture's convictions that teens are angry, oversexed risk-takers.

So 17-year-old Ali Nepola, who's at the top of her class, cross-country team captain, a competitive dancer, and popular and well behaved to boot, doesn't quite fit the stereotype.
According to new research, Ali's self-control may be the key to her success.

"She's got a lot of self-control and knows her limitations and knows her strengths and weaknesses," says Cathy Nepola, Ali's mom.

Grazyna Kochanska, a professor at the University of Iowa, has tracked Ali and more than 300 other kids for almost 20 years to gauge how their ability to delay gratification and exert self-control affects their lives.

"Self-control is generally considered a very good thing," Kochanska says. "In our own research, this capacity has clearly been associated with positive aspects of social development."

Using a variety of measures, Kochanska and her team test children on how well they can control their impulses. Some tests involve letting a child see a particular reward -- a wrapped present, a piece of candy, an attractive toy -- but not allowing him to touch the item until given permission. Others involve building a tall structure with blocks, then asking the child to wait a specified time before allowing him to knock it down.

Videotaped at 3 years old, Ali is told she can eat the candy placed in front of her but only after the researcher rings a bell. On the video, Ali hops around a bit but does not touch the candy.

In another test, Ali waits more than three minutes -- an eternity to a 3-year-old -- to unwrap a present left just within her reach. Kochanska says this ability to delay gratification will benefit Ali throughout her life.

"Those who have good self-control are more compliant, more cooperative, have good harmonious relationships with their parents, good relationships with their peers, and they have good academic success," Kochanska says.

Pedal to the Floor, No Brakes

But watch almost any teen movie, and you may wonder why impulse control seems to skid off the road during the scary teen years. Experts now know this is because the brain is not fully developed at adolescence.

"If we were to compare the teenage brain to an automobile, it's as if the gas pedal is to the floor, and there are no brakes," says David Walsh, author of "Why Do They Act That Way: A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen."

Thanks to magnetic resonance imaging, or MRI, technology, we know that the teen brain develops from back to front. In other words, the part of the brain that helps teens reason, plan ahead and manage impulses -- the prefrontal cortex -- is one of the last areas to mature, at around age 25. Until then parents may have a hard time engaging their teens.

"If parents create a supportive, loving, well-organized, predictable environment in the home, I think those children will be all right," Kochanska says.

And that's just the sort of environment Ali's parents provided for her.

"Pretty much been the way that she's been raised is that you don't always get what you want when you want it," says Cathy Nepola. "You just have to wait sometimes, and sometimes when you wait, it's even better."

Learning to delay gratification and exercise self-control are lessons Ali will take with her into her adult years.

"I'd be more comfortable doing the right thing than doing something that I think would be fun, but I'd feel bad about later," Ali says.

Is There Any Difference Between Boys and Girls?

For the first year or two of life, controlling impulses is very tough for kids, which is why the toddler years can be such a challenge.

Toddlers are active and want to explore their environment and can't help reaching or screaming for something they see that's inviting.

But even at that young age, parents can help a child develop better impulse control by making him wait to take turns; by not rushing in to help the minute he whimpers for something; by using routines to create a predictable schedule at home. The goal is to teach your child to tolerate frustration.

Lots of research shows that girls tend to have more impulse control than boys. During the teen years, girls tend to be more emotional, while boys tend to be bigger risk-takers.

Knowing that teens sometimes can't help the way they feel and act -- that they're not misbehaving just to be annoying or worse -- can go a long way toward defusing battles.

If your teen is more like an A.J. than an Ali, what can you do?

Encourage your teen's involvement in any activity that requires practice, whether it's sports or music lessons, volunteer work or a job that forces your child to set goals.

The most important thing is for parents to model patience. We live in a get-it-now environment where everything is about instant gratification, so showing teens how you set goals to achieve what you want, as opposed to lecturing about it, is critical.

Copyright © 2008 ABC News Internet Ventures

Boundaries...its a GIRL issue?!

2008-12-05T10:51:00.008-05:00

This week I was teaching on the subject of dating and boundaries when I heard this comment...

"Boundaries are for girls." This of course, coming from a young man.

"Oh really?" I replied. "Why do you say that?"

"Because they are the ones who need to say no" was the answer.

Hmm. Interesting. Girls are the only ones who can or need to say no. What a thought! So, let's explore the presumptions.

First, this young man believes that guys are always the aggressors and girls mearly the receivers of advances. However, what we are seeing is that more and more females are becoming sexually aggressive. In one study, about 90% of college men reported sexual advances from a female (to read more see: Men's Reactions in Sex Roles: A Journal of Research, Vol 31, 1994).

Second, there seems to be the assumption that men cannot or need not say no. This, undoubtedly stemming from the idea that "you're a man" if you "get whatever you can." However, this idea completely misses all the consequences of sex outside of a life-long committed relationship.

So, why can a guy say no?? (10 GREAT REASONS)

Because he's an intelligent human being, not an animal driven by instinct.
Because he has dreams and goals for his life.
Because he wants the best sex possible - the kind that science tells us is found in marriage.
Because he doesn't want the stress of worrying about getting her pregnant.
Because he doesn't want nasty diseases that cause extreme pain or can even lead to death.
Because he knows sex outside of marriage is never 100% safe, only abstinence is.
Because he knows that even if you protect the physical, there's still the intellectual, emotional, social, and spiritual parts of him that will be effected.
Because he knows how strongly the physical interactions can chemically bond you to another, and if broken, how each new bond will always be weaker.
Because he knows that a TRUE man would honor the girl by marrying her first, not just enjoying her goods.
Because he RESPECTS himself enough to stand up for the BEST decision.

Better health, More $, More satisfying sex...HOW??

2008-11-21T10:33:00.002-05:00

In an article by the New York Times on April 10, 1995, Jennifer Steinhauer wrote the following:

Studies Find Big Benefits in Marriage

Single people may simply not know what's good for them, a recent group of studies suggests.
A body of demographic research presented at the conference of the Population Association of America here today indicates that marriage offers dramatic emotional, financial and even health benefits over the single life and cohabitation.

"Cohabitation has some but not all of the benefits of marriage," said Linda Waite, the association's president, in an address to members in which she argued that the married enjoy better health, more money and more satisfying sex.

An enhanced commitment that comes naturally with marriage, she said, increases all levels of the support that individuals bring to their relationship and lives. "Cohabitation does not generally imply a lifetime commitment to stay together," she said. "Cohabitants are more likely to assume that each partner is responsible for supporting him or herself."

Dr. Waite, a professor of sociology at the University of Chicago whose research focuses on family structure, drew from various resources in her work, including the National Survey of Families and Households, a sampling of 13,000 adults, which was conducted in the late 1980's, with a followup in the early 1990's.

In terms of money, her research found that married couples were generally more financially well off than couples who simply lived together, because they were much more likely to pool money and invest in the future than were couples who merely cohabitated.

Increased material well being, she argued, trickles down into investments in better medical care, safer surroundings, better food and other things that raise the standard of living and reduce stress.

Dr. Waite also traced better health to marriage. Divorced men, her study showed, had twice the rate of alcohol abuse that married men had, and almost as many indulged in other "risk taking" behavior. Divorced women showed similar patterns, though at lower rates.

"Marriage may provide individuals with a sense of meaning in their lives," Dr. Waite said, "and a sense of obligation to others, inhibiting risky behaviors and encouraging healthy ones."

Her audience seemed most interested in the fact that married people report having more and better sex than single people have.

She cited the 1992 National Health and Social Life survey to support the notion that a readily available and willing married partner resulted in married men having sex twice as frequently as most of the single men surveyed, and the married men reported higher levels of satisfaction with their sex lives than either single or cohabitating men. She attributed this to the partners' investment in "skills" to please one specific person, and to an emotional investment in a relationship that should result in increasing the frequency and quality of sex.

Men appear to have the most to benefit from marriage, the study showed. They tend to make more money, perhaps because they have the incentive of another person. Dr. Waite said that divorced men had higher rates of drug and alcohol abuse and depression than single or married men or than single, married or divorced women.

"I think that happens because women tend to do the emotional work for the family," Dr. Waite said in an interview. "They have the friends and the skills and don't get it all from a marriage."
On the other hand, the studies she compiled indicated that women get fewer benefits from marriage. They often suffer a wage loss, particularly after children, and tend to be burdened with more housework. And the same research she used with men and sex, Dr. Waite said, indicated that women's sexual satisfaction was not really altered by their marital status.

Throughout three days of paper presentations, at least a half dozen demographers of family structure made strong arguments against cohabitation, offering research showing that those who live together before marriage have higher divorce rates, are more likely to be incompatible and sexually disloyal and are generally less happy than married couples. People who live together without marriage focus too much on their individual careers to care about another very much, said onedemographer; others argued that such people are not necessarily committed to a relationship for the long haul.

Even so, more than half of all marriages now follow cohabitation, and the number of people who live together without marriage at any one time grew 80 percent from 1980 to 1991. Conversely, 1 in 4 Americans over 18 has never married, according to the Census data, compared with 1 in 6 in 1970.

"Marriage is like exercise," Dr. Waite said. "You have to give people the information, and some are going to say, 'I know this is good for me, and I am going to push myself, and I am going to have a healthier and more satisfying life.' And as much as they like the single's scene, they are going to negotiate."

Silent Majority

2008-11-14T10:21:00.005-05:00

I was teaching in a class yesterday and when I asked the class "why do people have sex?" I received some interesting responses. One girl raised her hand and said "because all their friends are doing it."

Really??

Isn't it the case that those who make the poorest decisions tend to be the loudest? You don't often hear someone walk into the locker room bragging "DUDE - I had an awesome weekend! Guess what I did? I went to that party Friday night and I didn't drink, smoke OR have sex! I rock!"

The above situation is comical because it never happens! Instead, you often hear the opposite. It's like making poor decisions that could compromise their future and have negative consequences somehow makes them "cool" and therefore "popular."

Because they tend to be very vocal about these poor decisions, we are often led to believe they are the majority. But even this will prove to be false.

Statistics published in 2007 by the Center for Disease Control (CDC) showed that the MAJORITY of teens are NOT having sex! Surprised? Let's look at the numbers for high school students:

The number who are NOT currently sexually active is 65%
The number who have NEVER had sexual intercourse is 52.2%

So stop buy the LIE that everyone is doing it. You are in the majority. It's time to stop being silent and start speaking up. VIRGIN is not a dirty word. In fact, it's the best thing you could ever do for yourself during high school.

(To read stats, visit http://www.cdc.gov/HealthyYouth/yrbs/index.htm)

007 Exposed

2008-11-11T10:17:00.008-05:00

Bond...James Bond (*cue cheesy music*)

A classic hero and not to mentioned a hottie, 007 seemed to have it all. The cool gadgets, the suave moves, and lets not forget the gorgeous females. He always seemed to get himself in a pickle, but his wit and cunny always saved the day as good triumphed over evil.

Yet, how well did James Bond's intelligence serve him?

Since the creation of the James Bond movies, there have been 22 films, with the most recent opening in Erie this weekend: Quantum of Solace. Out of these 22 films, there have been well over 80 Bond Girls. Even if Bond only slept with 50 of them (which is generous) then can you imagine his sexual exposure?

An article written by Jane Jimenez said it this way:

"Professor John Ashton, a director of public health in the UK, has just pointed out the obvious. If James Bond were a real person, the good professor tells reporters, he would have almost certainly been HIV positive. 007 is more at risk from careless sex than he is from any arch enemy.

Beginning in 1962 with Ursula, Eunice, and Daniela, straight through forty years into the new millennium with Denise and Elektra…The World is Never Enough when it comes to Bond and his women. No matter how swift the action and dangerous the situation, in each and every movie 007 always has time to “make whoopee” with a new Bond woman.

Liberated by Hollywood magic, Bond and his eternal harem are free to flow with their sexual urges. No matter how short the friendship, or how fleeting the relationship, 007 and his woman of the moment inevitably merge in a big-screen sexual romp.

According to Hollywood, sex is everything wonderful…anytime, anywhere, and with anyone.

According to medical realities, sex is only wonderful…in the right time, in the right place, and with the right person. And no gadget known to mankind will save Bond…or the rest of us…from the inevitable.

Medical realities are amassing in data to prove the truth of what abstinence educators have been teaching over the past twenty years. Professor Ashton raises the same alarm. Sex has consequences, both good and bad. And the bad consequences of sex will not disappear, no matter how big the denial is from those who promote condoms and “safe sex.”

Condoms are not fail-safe. They are subject to failure…and lots of it. For teens and pregnancy, condoms fail approximately 20 percent of the time.

Condoms are never fail-safe. Genital herpes viruses infect one in five people over the age of twelve… partly owing to the fact that they live on body areas not covered by the condom. These are just a few of the realities that never touch Bond.

Hollywood profits from building the illusion that Bond will never die…from anything. This makes for great movies. But in our hearts, we know the truth.

We know it’s an illusion when we see 007 dodging a hail of bullets, skiing off the top of the Alps and landing with a downhill swoosh of grace, sailing down the slope, around the trees, and over the rocks…his hair unmessed and his body unsmashed.

In bed, the illusions are no less spectacular. Bond has been allowed to dodge STDs, pregnancy and abortion through ignorant movie “madness.”

Illusions make great movies. But they are deadly in real life.

No doubt about it. If you want to Never Say Die, take note. Bond is a great thrill to watch. But he is no role model for living a life in the real world…on the slopes…in space…or under the sheets." (to read more see http://www.fromthehomefront.org/04_July30.htm)

Welcome to the wide wide world

2008-11-03T15:56:00.002-05:00

Hello!

The Women's Care Center is officially on the information highway. Took us a while, but we are up. We are excited to start blogging, posting videos, and interacting with parents and youth to better serve Erie, PA.

Make sure to share this blog with friends!