"Boundaries are for girls." This of course, coming from a young man.
"Oh really?" I replied. "Why do you say that?"
"Because they are the ones who need to say no" was the answer.
Hmm. Interesting. Girls are the only ones who can or need to say no. What a thought! So, let's explore the presumptions.
First, this young man believes that guys are always the aggressors and girls mearly the receivers of advances. However, what we are seeing is that more and more females are becoming sexually aggressive. In one study, about 90% of college men reported sexual advances from a female (to read more see: Men's Reactions in Sex Roles: A Journal of Research, Vol 31, 1994).
Second, there seems to be the assumption that men cannot or need not say no. This, undoubtedly stemming from the idea that "you're a man" if you "get whatever you can." However, this idea completely misses all the consequences of sex outside of a life-long committed relationship.
So, why can a guy say no?? (10 GREAT REASONS)
- Because he's an intelligent human being, not an animal driven by instinct.
- Because he has dreams and goals for his life.
- Because he wants the best sex possible - the kind that science tells us is found in marriage.
- Because he doesn't want the stress of worrying about getting her pregnant.
- Because he doesn't want nasty diseases that cause extreme pain or can even lead to death.
- Because he knows sex outside of marriage is never 100% safe, only abstinence is.
- Because he knows that even if you protect the physical, there's still the intellectual, emotional, social, and spiritual parts of him that will be effected.
- Because he knows how strongly the physical interactions can chemically bond you to another, and if broken, how each new bond will always be weaker.
- Because he knows that a TRUE man would honor the girl by marrying her first, not just enjoying her goods.
- Because he RESPECTS himself enough to stand up for the BEST decision.
3 comments:
The Date is December 27, 2008. The news is out of the Chicago Tribune.
It is so unusual that it made the headlines.
The headline read:
"Married couple have sex for the first time"
Abstinence made the heart grow fonder, they say
—Vikki Ortiz
December 27, 2008
The story is here: (cut and paste to your browser if needed):
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/chi-talk-nosex-satdec27,0,1063934.story
In Erie, PA, there are two links for this site to expand their awareness and have a greater impact on our community.
Scoot over to
Erie PA Today and also to Erie Blogs.
Click the links there, and your blog will scroll along with ALL Erie blogs. Your audience grows exponentially to see what you write and more comments will follow as people read.
Create a community dialog on your issues.
Ask for "Guest Posts" from the audience.... particularly from all students at all schools from any grade level, any gender.
Once your blog scrolls the list a few times, folks in town will know more about what you are saying.
Your web page needs an Internet Contact, a Google Map of precisely where you are located embedded for folks to find you (they still can't find the blood bank!), and links to similar sites for folks to read ---based on your recommendation.
(Dove has incredible videos on self-esteem. Check Evolution too).
Look at a few of the local blogs (there are hundreds) and see how they market their blog page to our town. Imitate the best ideas you find to expand your word and impact.
God bless you and your efforts.
When the Tribune reported last month that Chicago couple Melody LaLuz and Claudaniel Fabien were about to wed without ever having kissed, much less slept together, hundreds of readers responded passionately.
Some were incredulous: "Huuuuge mistake. ... To go in with that as an unknown is too big of a risk factor."
Others were inspired: "Don't hate, participate!! This is a very good thing!"
LaLuz, 28, and Fabien, 30, saved their first kiss on the lips and their first—y'know—for their Nov. 29 wedding night because they wanted to practice what they preach. Both teach abstinence courses to teenagers in the Chicago Public Schools.
Related links
Practicing abstinence, bride and groom have never kissed LaLuz said her husband surprised her on their wedding night with a hotel suite covered with rose petals and lighted candles.
The couple say married life is off to a great start, from their honeymoon in the Bahamas to moving in together and getting their first Christmas tree. In some ways, they say, their premarital promise has made married life easier because they've already proved they can be disciplined and faithful.
And much as we hate to make people kiss and tell, the newlyweds said skeptics need not doubt.
"It was awesome," Fabien said.
"We got a reward for doing good," said LaLuz. "We weren't disappointed at all."
----from Chicago Tribune
December 27, 2008
(Blogger links are atrocious)
I can only WISH abstinence were 100% safe, especially from an AIDS standpoint. Click here and scroll down to "Can we get HIV without having sex?" if you dare.
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