Last night my husband and I watch the Proposal. As the movie began you see Sandra Bullock dressed in an all black suit playing the role of Margaret, a “witch” like manager of a publishing firm running a strict shift among her employees. Enter Andrew, played by Ryan Reynolds, as the overworked yet ambitious assistant.The plot thickens when Margaret learns of her near deportation to Canada due to an expired Visa. Grasping for a way out of her predicament, Margaret decides to blackmail Andrew into marrying her, thus saving her career – and as she tells Andrew – his as well.
The twist comes when Andrew has to take Margaret along with him to his hometown in Alaska to celebrate his grandmother’s 90th birthday. The pseudo-couple are under pressure to prove the genuineness of the relationship or else be accused of committing fraud.
The parts of the movie which astound me are the sly messages about sex woven throughout the movie.
For instance, when the couple arrives at Andrew’s parents’ home they are led into a bedroom with one big bed. Margaret notes the bed and asks, “So where is Andrew’s room?” To which his parents rely something to the effect of, “We aren’t so silly as to assume that you both aren’t already sleeping together.”
Talk about setting high standards for your only son and his supposed fiancé! And not only does this send the message that sleeping together before marriage is expected, but it also communicates that parents should be supportive of this arrangement!
Later Margaret is resting on the bed, while Andrew is on the floor. She begins to share more intimate details of her life, revealing her softer side despite all her attempts to prove her hard headed, independent feminism. She shares about her parents’ death, details of her tattoo, memories of her first concert, and (of course Hollywood!) – the length of time since she has last been with a man sexually – 1 ½ years.
Andrew silently listens and when Margaret finishes he admits he is “Processing.” Then he bursts out, “You haven’t had sex for 18 months!”
As if a person becomes less of a person if they have had periods of abstinence in their life!
When speaking with youth we ask the question – is sex a need or a desire for an individual? With the need to reproduce and continue the human race aside, sex is not a need. I joke around and ask the students, “If I walk around the Erie cemetery, would I see a tombstone that said ‘Here lays Joe Smith. He died because he didn’t get any.” To which the students chuckle and realize the lie that they have become to believe.
The lie seen in virtually every movie, television show, music lyric, magazine cover, internet site, and product ad.
Teens begin to believe that they must have sex in order to prove something. Prove they are a real man or woman, prove that they are cool, or even…sadly…that they can get attention and love (or so they think).
You see, that’s the problem in Hollywood. Too may people have confused not only sex as a need instead of a desire, but also confused sex with love.
They take something that is an emotional need for all of us – love – and twist it so that we believe that sex equals love. Even beyond that, they equate lust with love!
So parents, think critically about the movies you watch and discuss the underlying messages with your teens. And teens don’t be conned! Learn to decipher the lies from the truth.
(The use of the Proposal is for discussion only and I am in no way recommending or supporting the film.)
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