Parent-child Communication about Sex

'Parents Speak Up' National Campaign Encourages Parent-Child Communication About Sex, Study Finds
06-03-2009

RESEARCH TRIANGLE PARK, N.C. — Advertising can be an effective way to encourage parents to talk with their children about sex, according to a new study by researchers at George Washington University and RTI International.

The study, published in the June issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health, found that the "Parents Speak Up National Campaign" successfully encouraged parents to initiate conversations about sex with their children.

"The study adds a new dimension to the larger debate on abstinence education and intervention programs," said Doug Evans, Ph.D., director of public health communication and marketing at George Washington University and the study's lead author. "We found that abstinence messaging delivered to parents through mass media is efficacious in promoting parenting-child communication about sex and thus may be an effective public health strategy."

The results showed that four weeks after exposure to the ad campaign, fathers initiated more conversations with their children than they had previously. And after six months, both fathers and mothers who were exposed to the campaign were more likely to specifically recommend to their children to wait to become sexually active.

"The pattern of initiation of conversations about sex at four weeks post-baseline and then recommendations to their child to wait at six months post-baseline among fathers" is significant, said Kevin Davis, M.A., a senior researcher at RTI and the study's co-author. "This suggests the campaign succeeded in communicating its 'call to action,' particularly among fathers."

The campaign, funded by the Department of Health and Human Services, was launched in June 2007 and primarily uses public service announcements as well as paid television, radio, print and outdoor announcements.

The study included nearly 1,500 parents of children 10 to 14 years old, selected from the Knowledge Networks, an online panel based on a nationally representative sample of U.S. adults. Participants were randomly assigned to experiment conditions, receiving exposure or no exposure to campaign ads and materials. All participants completed a baseline survey prior to exposure and then two follow-up surveys four weeks and six months later.

Carolina NewsWire
http://carolinanewswire.com/news/News.cgi?database=0001news.db&command=viewone&id=3800&op=t

Ramblings of a Marriage Junkie

I would really encourage anyone interested in marriage and the fight against divorce to check out the blog link below. Great info and resources!

Ramblings of a Marriage Junkie

Just a "TEST DRIVE" - right? A Look at Living Together before Marriage

The value of taking a relationship for a “test drive” before marriage is a common belief in today’s society.

Did you know that in a recent national survey 66% of high school senior boys and 61% of girls indicated that they “agreed” or “mostly agreed” with this statement: “it is usually a good idea for a couple to live together before getting married in order to find out whether they really get along.”

What a crazy statistic considering this quote from Rutgers University: “It is hard to believe that across America, only 30 years ago, living together for unmarried heterosexual couples was against the law.” Did you even know that?

The truth is that living together (or cohabiting…meaning “co” – with, and “habit” – live) does NOT help to prepare you for marriage or decrease your chance of divorce. In fact, it does the complete opposite, your risk for divorce increases by 46%!

Here are some other harmful affects of living together before marriage:

• Increased risk of domestic violence for women, and the risk of physical and sexual abuse for children
• Increased risk of depression (by 3 times!)
• Lowered levels of happiness and wellbeing than married couples

Let’s go back to the idea of test driving a relationship. That’s all fine and good if you’re the person driving. But what if you’re the car? What if you are discarded and thrown aside when the person decides to “upgrade?” And not only that, but consider this, who wants to buy a car with 100,000 miles on it anyway?

If you value yourself and your future marriage, head the research and WAIT until marriage to live with your significant other. Take this as your “Caution” sign on the road of life.

To read more: http://marriage.rutgers.edu/Publications/swlt2.pdf

Do Gentlemen and Chivalry Still Exist? Or Do Women Meet It with Scorn?

What is a gentleman? Are gentlemen endangered species? These are some questions the Network of Enlightened Women (NeW) at Arizona State University started to ask. And instead of talking about their body parts during the month of February like feminists performing The Vagina Monologues, these ladies started a dialogue about how to define a gentleman and created a showcase event to acknowledge the gentlemen on their campus.

What did you think of their answers? Did you catch how most of the men thought that there were definitely gentlemen still around, often including themselves in the count! This reveals an interesting perspective described in Guys Speak Out On Chivalry:

It seems that men are lodged between a rock and a hard place. If they try to be chivalrous, feminists call them sexist. Yet if they treat us the way the feminists say we want to be treated—the same as a man—we complain of not getting enough respect.

How do guys define chivalry? Three out of four responded that it had to do with respect, honor, and courtesy towards women. One man spoke openly: “Chivalry is the notion that a man has the duty to respect and serve women.”

Another man affirmed: “It is a set of manners and respect a man should show to a woman as a demonstration of respect towards her.” Another guy said women “need to understand that chivalry isn’t being put down like feminism would like you to believe, but rather is a way a woman can command respect from a man.”

Too often, however, these same men lamented that their efforts to be chivalrous were met with scorn.

The article ends with a challenge to WOMEN to stand up and reclaim chivalrous gentlemanly behavior. If a guy holds the door open for you, don't see it as an insult, but thank him!

"Expect men to rise to the occasion."

To marry or not to marry?...

posted by Michele Olson from thinkmarriage.org

The average age at first marriage is now almost 26 for women and 28 for men. A growing percentage of Americans aren’t marrying at all.

So what’s a government to do?

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Administration for Children and Families, utilizing their resource center, The National Healthy Marriage Resource Center has decided to talk about it the form of an ad campaign.

Because research shows many benefits to marriage such as better health, greater wealth and more happiness for the couple and improved well-being for children…the government does have a stake in promoting an institution that has shown to have those types of results.

While opponents will argue that the government has no “business” being involved in something as private as marriage, everyone needs to realize that when Americans are not experiencing health, wealth and happiness…the government is often one of the entities they turn to for help. All of sudden scores of Americans are quite happy to involve the government and their funds into their lives.

The media campaign is aimed at the 18-30 year old group, many who have grown up with no real role model for a healthy marriage.

Check out www.twoofus.org

Here’s the entire http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-02-17-marriage-campaign_N.htm

So...what are your thoughts?

Guilt Part of Good Parenting...

By Marybeth Hicks
Saturday, January 17, 2009

Last night for dinner, I served butternut squash. Despite the fact that I drizzled it with olive oil and seasoned it with salt and pepper and then roasted it until the flesh caramelized slightly and got all tender and yummy, I subsequently had to force-feed my four children to consume this delicious, nutritious vegetable.

Later in the evening, I chased two of my teenagers off to bed. I have to chase people to bed because if I don't, they would stay up until Conan O'Brien waves goodnight. Despite the fact that bed is a warm and comfy place where, once ensconced, these same teens would remain for upward of 14 hours at a stretch, I must still nag them to go there.

This morning, on the chance she didn't hear her alarm clock, I tiptoed through the dark into my daughter's bedroom to be sure she was up in time to finish her extra-credit trigonometry assignment.

Parenting is ever thus. We nag about food and rest and responsibilities because, even though nagging is unpleasant and even frustrating, it's the right thing to do. It's how we moms and dads implement our evil strategies to bring unhappiness upon our offspring - unhappiness disguised as good nutrition, ample sleep and academic achievement.

Every parent knows that doing what's good for our children doesn't always feel good to us. If you doubt this, think back to when your pediatrician first told you about rectal thermometers and why they were best for accuracy in diagnosing fevers in tiny babies.

Up to a point, we might agree that aspects of parenting that seem to cause discomfort to our children simply are necessary and no matter, because children don't really know what's good for them in the first place. We wrestle toddlers into car seats and chase wee ones to the end of the driveway and remove sharp objects from their grasps, but never regret foiling their desires to do whatever they please. Right?

Somewhere in between "buckle your seat belt" and "eat your squash," America's moms and dads have discovered guilt - and not guilt for doing a bad job with their kids, but guilt for doing a good job. Sounds screwy, but it's true.

Here's how it works: You create a policy in your home that reflects your values and that you think is best for your child. Say you decree no texting after dinner or no Facebook page for your middle-schooler. Perhaps you monitor your child's media choices more strictly than the parents of her peers, or you encourage her to pursue hobbies such as reading or crafts, rather than incessant text messaging as a way to pass the time. Sometimes, you even say "no" to social events in favor of family time or other activities.

You chug along happily enough until one evening, your sixth-grader lets you know that she's the only one at the school lunch table who missed last evening's barrage of text messages. Or she whines about not having a Facebook page while "everyone else" has one.

Suddenly the very policies you are certain contribute to your daughter's good grades and general sense of wholesomeness now have you feeling sheepish and even guilty - not because you think your policies are wrong but because your little dear must endure the social consequences of your good parenting.

At this point, you have two choices: Give in and enjoy the dysfunctional moment when caving makes you feel like a hero to your kid; or hold fast and remember that good parenting won't always feel good.

Ah, but nothing worth doing well is ever easy. Why should parenting be any different?

Source: Townhall.com
Copyright © 2008 Salem Web Network. All Rights Reserved.

How much is virginity worth?

If you had to put a price tag on your virginity, what would be the dollar sign? Most would say "What a ridiculous question! Why would anyone try to put a monetary amount on something so special?!"

Unfortunately for those of us that share that perspective, it would appear that our view of humanity is too high. The shocking news is that a 22 year old college grad from San Diego, CA is making headline news with her intentions to sell her virginity to pay for grad school.

Using the alias Natalie Dylan, she has secured numerous talk shows and international news in which she proclaims:

"I don’t have a moral dilemma with it. Why shouldn’t I be allowed to capitalize on my virginity? I understand some people may condemn me. But I think this is empowering. I’m using what I have to better myself."

Thankfully, some of the talk show hosts agree with the general public - this is prostitution and is completely absurd. Foremost among them is Tyra Banks who brought Natalie, her sister, in addition to a few bunnies from the Moonlite Bunny Ranch in Nevada along with the owner, Dennis Hof to her show.

Dennis, it appears is in full support of Natalie's decision and is happy to host the auction and latter "act" at his brothel. Is Dennis' motivation the liberation of woman and the freedom of sexual expression? Or perhaps he simply wants Natalie to get a good education. No...its rather the 50% cut from Natalie's earnings. And with the highest offers ranging from $1 million to $3.7 million, that's a lot of change in Dennis' pocket.

And the surprise guest on Tyra's show? One of Natalie's bidders! And guess what, he's a 56 year old man who admits "having a virgin" has been one of his "fantasies."

...sick...

As disgusting as this story is, it brings up a good talking point. Can you put a price tag on virginity? Is putting a price tag on your self - on your body - truly liberating? Or is it simply selling yourself into a form of temporary slavery where you are subject to the whims of the buyer?

At one point, Natalie stated that she won't have any harmful side effects by doing this. However, I believe she is underestimating the impact of being that vulnerable with a complete stranger.

Did you know that 2/3 teens regret losing their virginity? In addition, sexually active teens are more likely to be depressed and attempt suicide. Clearly the emotional factors associated with sex are strong! (See http://www.heritage.org/research/abstinence/cda0304.cfm for more info)

I only hope that Natalie will take Tyra Banks' advice: "Please make me proud and change your mind." Only then will she realize that she's worth more...infinitely more!

Flawed study on abstinence pledge

Washington, DC (LifeNews.com) --

A new study published by the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health claims the abstinence pledges teens sign to refrain from sex until they're married are ineffective. The study claims teens signing such pledges are likely to engage in premarital sex and more likely not to use birth control.

The JHU study examined federal data and found that more than half of teens became sexually active before marriage regardless of whether they signed the abstinence pledge or not.

"Taking a pledge doesn't seem to make any difference at all in any sexual behavior," HU researcher Janet Rosenbaum said. "But it does seem to make a difference in condom use and other forms of birth control that is quite striking."

The study only included 289 students who were 17 in 1996 when they took the virginity pledge and compared with them 645 students who did not take a pledge.

(FYI - Abstinence funding didn't start until Nov of 1997, so this data looked at students receiving "virginity pledges" prior to abstinence programming!!)

By 2001, JHU found 82 percent of those teens taking a pledge had broken their no-premarital-sex promise.

"It seems that pledgers aren't really internalizing the pledge," Rosenbaum told the Washington Post. "It seems like abstinence has to come from an individual conviction rather than participating in a program."

However, the study appeared to indicate that the abstinence programs are not ineffective -- they're just not reinforced by either the schools, parents or society.

Five years after taking a virginity pledge more than 80 percent of pledgers denied ever making such a promise.

That is a point Valerie Huber of the National Abstinence Education Association made in her comments to the Post -- which had her saying the study was flawed and too ideological.

"It is remarkable that an author who employs rigorous research methodology would then compromise those standards by making wild, ideologically tainted and inaccurate analysis regarding the content of abstinence education programs," Huber said.

Huber points to other data showing abstinence education programs effective.

She points to research from Dr. Stan Weed, leading researcher on youth behavior and President of The Institute for Research and Evaluation.

His studies show abstinence education can cut in half the rates of teen sexual activity, and that abstinence education classes do not deter sexually active teens from using condoms.

"Not only do Dr. Weed's studies provide proof that abstinence education is the best health message for teens," Huber said, but she says his research shows "so-called comprehensive sex education has little evidence of success."

"Contraception based programs spend less than 10 percent of class time promoting abstinence," Huber said.

Huber also points to an October 2008 study in the Journal of Adolescent Health by several researchers showing that those who pledged to abstain from sex were much more likely to do so than their peers.

“In the absence of pledging, an estimated 42.4 percent of virgins with characteristics indicating an inclination to pledge initiate intercourse within three years. In the presence of the pledge, 33.6 percent of such youth initiate intercourse," the study found.

Pledgers were also no less likely to use a condom than their peers, that study found.

Some 17 states have decided to reject the abstinence funds from the federal government because their governors or state legislatures want to promote comprehensive sexual education.
The findings of the new study were published in the January issue of the journal Pediatrics.

Related web sites:National Abstinence Education Association - http://www.abstinenceassociation.org/

Inside the Teenage Brain

The Importance of Self-Control

By ANN PLESHETTE MURPHY and JENNIFER ALLEN of ABC NEWS
July 31, 2006 —

Over-the-top teens like lazy A.J. Soprano and "Desperate Housewives" angst-ridden Andrew and impulsive Danielle reflect our culture's convictions that teens are angry, oversexed risk-takers.

So 17-year-old Ali Nepola, who's at the top of her class, cross-country team captain, a competitive dancer, and popular and well behaved to boot, doesn't quite fit the stereotype.
According to new research, Ali's self-control may be the key to her success.

"She's got a lot of self-control and knows her limitations and knows her strengths and weaknesses," says Cathy Nepola, Ali's mom.

Grazyna Kochanska, a professor at the University of Iowa, has tracked Ali and more than 300 other kids for almost 20 years to gauge how their ability to delay gratification and exert self-control affects their lives.

"Self-control is generally considered a very good thing," Kochanska says. "In our own research, this capacity has clearly been associated with positive aspects of social development."

Using a variety of measures, Kochanska and her team test children on how well they can control their impulses. Some tests involve letting a child see a particular reward -- a wrapped present, a piece of candy, an attractive toy -- but not allowing him to touch the item until given permission. Others involve building a tall structure with blocks, then asking the child to wait a specified time before allowing him to knock it down.

Videotaped at 3 years old, Ali is told she can eat the candy placed in front of her but only after the researcher rings a bell. On the video, Ali hops around a bit but does not touch the candy.

In another test, Ali waits more than three minutes -- an eternity to a 3-year-old -- to unwrap a present left just within her reach. Kochanska says this ability to delay gratification will benefit Ali throughout her life.

"Those who have good self-control are more compliant, more cooperative, have good harmonious relationships with their parents, good relationships with their peers, and they have good academic success," Kochanska says.

Pedal to the Floor, No Brakes

But watch almost any teen movie, and you may wonder why impulse control seems to skid off the road during the scary teen years. Experts now know this is because the brain is not fully developed at adolescence.

"If we were to compare the teenage brain to an automobile, it's as if the gas pedal is to the floor, and there are no brakes," says David Walsh, author of "Why Do They Act That Way: A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen."

Thanks to magnetic resonance imaging, or MRI, technology, we know that the teen brain develops from back to front. In other words, the part of the brain that helps teens reason, plan ahead and manage impulses -- the prefrontal cortex -- is one of the last areas to mature, at around age 25. Until then parents may have a hard time engaging their teens.

"If parents create a supportive, loving, well-organized, predictable environment in the home, I think those children will be all right," Kochanska says.

And that's just the sort of environment Ali's parents provided for her.

"Pretty much been the way that she's been raised is that you don't always get what you want when you want it," says Cathy Nepola. "You just have to wait sometimes, and sometimes when you wait, it's even better."

Learning to delay gratification and exercise self-control are lessons Ali will take with her into her adult years.

"I'd be more comfortable doing the right thing than doing something that I think would be fun, but I'd feel bad about later," Ali says.

Is There Any Difference Between Boys and Girls?

For the first year or two of life, controlling impulses is very tough for kids, which is why the toddler years can be such a challenge.

Toddlers are active and want to explore their environment and can't help reaching or screaming for something they see that's inviting.

But even at that young age, parents can help a child develop better impulse control by making him wait to take turns; by not rushing in to help the minute he whimpers for something; by using routines to create a predictable schedule at home. The goal is to teach your child to tolerate frustration.

Lots of research shows that girls tend to have more impulse control than boys. During the teen years, girls tend to be more emotional, while boys tend to be bigger risk-takers.

Knowing that teens sometimes can't help the way they feel and act -- that they're not misbehaving just to be annoying or worse -- can go a long way toward defusing battles.

If your teen is more like an A.J. than an Ali, what can you do?

Encourage your teen's involvement in any activity that requires practice, whether it's sports or music lessons, volunteer work or a job that forces your child to set goals.

The most important thing is for parents to model patience. We live in a get-it-now environment where everything is about instant gratification, so showing teens how you set goals to achieve what you want, as opposed to lecturing about it, is critical.

Copyright © 2008 ABC News Internet Ventures

Boundaries...its a GIRL issue?!

This week I was teaching on the subject of dating and boundaries when I heard this comment...

"Boundaries are for girls." This of course, coming from a young man.

"Oh really?" I replied. "Why do you say that?"

"Because they are the ones who need to say no" was the answer.

Hmm. Interesting. Girls are the only ones who can or need to say no. What a thought! So, let's explore the presumptions.

First, this young man believes that guys are always the aggressors and girls mearly the receivers of advances. However, what we are seeing is that more and more females are becoming sexually aggressive. In one study, about 90% of college men reported sexual advances from a female (to read more see: Men's Reactions in Sex Roles: A Journal of Research, Vol 31, 1994).

Second, there seems to be the assumption that men cannot or need not say no. This, undoubtedly stemming from the idea that "you're a man" if you "get whatever you can." However, this idea completely misses all the consequences of sex outside of a life-long committed relationship.

So, why can a guy say no?? (10 GREAT REASONS)

1. Because he's an intelligent human being, not an animal driven by instinct.
2. Because he has dreams and goals for his life.
3. Because he wants the best sex possible - the kind that science tells us is found in marriage.
4. Because he doesn't want the stress of worrying about getting her pregnant.
5. Because he doesn't want nasty diseases that cause extreme pain or can even lead to death.
6. Because he knows sex outside of marriage is never 100% safe, only abstinence is.
7. Because he knows that even if you protect the physical, there's still the intellectual, emotional, social, and spiritual parts of him that will be effected.
8. Because he knows how strongly the physical interactions can chemically bond you to another, and if broken, how each new bond will always be weaker.
9. Because he knows that a TRUE man would honor the girl by marrying her first, not just enjoying her goods.
10. Because he RESPECTS himself enough to stand up for the BEST decision.