The Quiet Revolution on College Campuses

This morning I read the article below on Townhall.com. Not only is it a great look at the changing trends with today's generations, but also rings true with our own experience with a local Erie college.

In the fall, the Women's Care Center hosted an event at Gannon University called, Hooking Up & Breaking Down - the Missing Links in Relationships. During the event we spoke to the harms of the hook-up culture and the benefits of delaying sexual activity until marriage.

We left the students eager to make a stand for abstinence and excited for the benefits of marriage. The revolution isn't just happening at other campuses, but right here in Erie, PA!

The Quiet Revolution on College Campuses
Janice Shaw Crouse

There’s a quiet revolution happening on the nation’s school and college campuses. While the students still live in a sex-saturated culture, and while researchers claim that at least 75 percent of college students are part of the “hook-up” generation, more and more students are opting out of the sex scene. It is far too early to declare a new trend, but there are encouraging signs of a new respect for abstinence and dating, instead of recreational sex.

Part of the change of attitude and behavior comes from college students seeing the consequences and repercussions of recreational sex.

College counselors report that they are seeing a dramatic increase in sex-related problems on campuses. A just-published article in Professional Psychology reveals over three-quarters of clinic directors (77.1 percent) noted increases in “severe psychological problems.” Over the past decade, counselors report that depression cases doubled, suicidal students tripled and sexual assault cases quadrupled. Sexually transmitted diseases are rampant in a culture where it is not uncommon for students to have sex with several partners; they call it “concurrency.” About one in four women and about one in five men have HPV. Other STDs, like Herpes, Gonorrhea, and Chlamydia, are also common among students — an estimated two-thirds of STDs occur among those under age 25.

The prevailing message about abortion is that it is a “choice,” but far too many of today’s college women have seen a friend be abandoned by a guy or coerced to have an abortion when he finds out she is pregnant.

Wonderful books are available and are having impact with college students and young careerists. Wendy Shalit’s book, The Good Girl Revolution: Young Rebels with Self-Esteem and High Standards, and her original book on modesty, A Return to Modesty, are having profound influence. Miriam Grossman’s Unprotected lays out the consequences of promiscuity. Carol Platt Liebau’s, Prude: How the Sex-Obsessed Culture Damages Girls, reveals the “minefields” that today’s students have to navigate in their sexually “ramped up” world.

Julie Klausner warns smart women not to be reckless with their hearts or bodies in I Don’t Care about Your Band. Joe McIlhaney, Jr., and Freda McKissic Bush have written a book of scientific data on casual sex, New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting our Children. Laura Sessions Stepp, author of Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both, describes the shift of “power” away from women in the hook-up culture and noted that many young women cannot handle the physical and emotional battering that they suffer in the new hook-up landscape.

Meg Meeker’s Your Kids at Risk: How Teen Sex Threatens Our Sons and Daughters is also a no-holds-barred treatise about consequences. In her book, Hooking Up: Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus, Kathleen Bogle writes about how co-eds long for a return to traditional dating. All these books, and numerous others, are being read by today’s generation of students, and they are having a positive impact on student behavior.

Plus, there are some very savvy outreach programs gaining popularity on college campuses. Foremost among them is the Love and Fidelity Network, which currently has chapters on about two dozen high-profile campuses, including Princeton, Harvard, and Notre Dame. This very popular program, with distinguished Princeton professor Robert George in leadership, provides well-attended forums and discussion groups promoting abstinence, sexual integrity, and marriage. The Ruth Institute, headed by Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse, provides speakers for campus events and quality research on the benefits of marriage.

In addition, there are some pop cultural changes afoot with pop stars sending countercultural messages. Lady Gaga created a media frenzy recently when she told the press that she was going celibate and suggested that others do the same. Former American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson released a song, “I Don’t Hook Up,” where she declared that she didn’t hook up and she didn’t “come cheap.” On Facebook, there’s a girls’ group called “Bring Dating Back” for girls who want guys to take them out on a real date rather than head straight for a bed.

But arguably, the most influential cultural statement lately among the youngest teens was a few subtle lines in a #1 hit song, “Fifteen.” Taylor Swift, one of the most popular of today’s country music stars, sang poignantly about “realizing bigger dreams” than the high school boyfriend, and about crying with Abigail “who gave everything” to a boy who “changed his mind.” She said in a recent interview, “I wouldn’t be a party girl even if I wasn’t doing this [songwriter and performer]; that’s just not the way I live my life.”

At last, our young people are hearing the truth from some pop stars, and they are getting solid information, including the quality abstinence programs that have been given wider distribution over the past decade. Today’s youth are hearing from multiple sources about the benefits of self-respect, self-restraint, and learning to say “no.” Perhaps a trend is underway after all; we can only hope and continue to challenge the nation’s young people to live up to their highest potential.

For Your Eyes Only

Modestly Yours is a blog which we've been following for sometime after having the honor of meeting some of the strong, independent and intelligent women who write for it.

Just in case you've never checked out what they have to say, here's a recent post which will really cause you to ponder the POWER of modesty and what lessons we can learn from other cultures.

For Your Eyes Only
by Erica Z.

I thought I'd share an experience I had this past week.

But first, a small intro, since I never formally introduced myself: I'm originally from Philadelphia, but I'm currently studying at a yeshiva for Jewish women in Jerusalem, Israel. Every weekend, I celebrate Shabbat, the Jewish Sabbath, which lasts from sundown Friday until sundown Saturday. I am invited to a different family each week for the festivities--eating, shmoozing, praying, learning, and eating some more. I have found throughout my travels that even within the Orthodox Jewish world, there is an enormous spectrum of philosophies, perspectives, and customs.

I spent this past Shabbat with two friends at the home of a young, newly-married Chassidic couple. After Rivky (our cute, talkative financial advisor from New York who doubles as our friend and confidante) invited me to her home, she said, "By the way, I have to warn you. My husband does not look at or talk to women. But he loves having guests." I was startled. I know that Orthodox men are careful not to gaze at immodestly dressed women, or to stare in an inappropriate manner at any woman. I had even heard of this added stringency to which men from some Chassidic sects of orthodoxy adhere, to not look at women besides their wives. But what startled me was how Rivky seemed to beam with pride as she said this. "He is really into guarding his eyes," she continued, her own eyes twinkling.

Sure enough, her husband did not steal any glances of his three female guests. Nevertheless, he warmly welcomed us when we arrived and wished us a good week when we left. He even made us eggs for the traditional, small meal after sundown on Saturday evening. He did all of this with a big smile, but with his eyes directed downward. At the dinner table, he did not talk to us directly. He gently spoke to Rivky in Yiddish, telling her stories and words of Torah. After listening to him intently, she brightly related everything to us in English. Sometimes I saw him smiling or nodding in response to things we said. After dinner, I stayed up late talking with Rivky. Much of our conversation centered on ideas about modesty, in behavior and appearance, something she feels is a pillar of her life and her role as a Jewish woman.

The next morning, we woke up in an empty apartment--the couple had already gone to the synagogue--to find three coffee cups with saucers and shiny spoons placed in a perfect line on the kitchen table, accompanied by a plate of pastries. Each cup contained instant coffee and sugar. When I later thanked Rivky for the thoughtful gesture, she giggled. "It wasn't me. It was my husband." I looked over at her husband, who had heard this exchange. He was sporting a toothy smile.

I walked away from Rivky's home with a refined understanding of a once-foreign lifestyle. And some questions... Is there such thing as too extreme when it comes to modesty? Or is it because we have become so desensitized that going "too far" from the norm of skimpy outfits and cat calls seems equally offensive?

Is modesty a long-lost virtue to which some hold a secret key?

The "P" Problem

Yesterday I was discussing the problem of pornography with a college student. It seems we've all been impacted by this addictive yet multi-million dollar industry. Fathers, husbands, brothers, friends...each exposed while young and trapped in the lust cycle that never seems satiated.

So when I saw this article in CitizenLink.org on the problem of porn, I knew I had to share.

The article interviews Mary Anne Layden, a psychotherapist at the University of Pennsylvania who treats sexual violence victims, perpetrators, sex addicts and members of the sex industry.

1. What are you finding about the dangers of pornography?

One of the ways I think that people know it’s harmful is when I treat sex addicts. At some point in the treatment I will say to them, Would you want your wife to be a prostitute? You want your daughter to be a stripper? You want your sister to be a porn model? A hundred percent of them say no.

They know it’s damaging. They just don’t want the women they love to be damaged. They want other people’s wives, other people’s daughters, other people’s sisters to engage in those activities. It’s kind of a sexual entitlement with a narcissistic twist to it. I want this pleasure but I don’t want my wife, my sister, my daughter to be damaged.

There’s also research done on the damage done by pornography. There are hundreds of studies that look at hundreds of variables. We see damage in terms of their attitude. They become more callous. They become more judging of women.

2. What does the process look like of people becoming addicted to sexually explicit images?

It does take time, and it depends on when you break into the cycle as to seeing what’s actually happening with them. Regrettably, children are now the ones that are exposed to pornography, because of the Internet. The progress of this problem starts very early. Some studies say that children as young as 7 are being exposed. When you start at 7, by the time you’re 20, 30, you’ve got a couple of decades of exposure to this material. So, you see it building up in the message that is both hostile to women and says that sex is a non-intimate, recreational activity that’s degrading, exploiting. And, that message, hostility to women, mixed with the idea that sex is adversarial and casual and recreational, those are the two factors that ultimately lead to the sexual violence that we’re seeing.

If you have used the material to the point where you are now addicted to it, you absolutely will be living a double life. Part of the addictive process is not just denial that there is a problem. The addict is clearly going to have to lie and hide what he is doing. This kind of behavior starts to take over your life more and more. (You) don’t want to go to social activities because it takes you away from Internet porn.

The hidden life, the day man and the night man, get disassociated from each other. It starts to control you rather than you controlling it. Then you start to see all of these problems come up: Changes in attitude, changes in escalating behavior. These men are more likely to go to prostitutes, to engage in risky sexual behavior.

3. How does it affect women?

Women have talked to me in therapy sessions when their husbands are using pornography. They (the couple) have been to a therapist who suggested that they use pornography. The therapist said, This will spice up your sex life. They’ll (women) tell me initially it did spice up our sex life. We did start having more sex and it was more intense, but over time it decreased our emotional intimacy.

4. How has the Internet worsened the problem?

Pornography used to be something that you had to go to the edge of town: (A) sleazy place, slink in public and go to the porn shop and get it. Now you don’t have to slink anywhere. We have a pornography pipeline into our house available 24-7 so that we don’t even have to go anywhere. It’s available instantly. Much of it is free, so that makes a dramatic change. It’s also anonymous. We don’t have to worry that somebody’s going see us in the porn shop.

5. Is there hope for people dealing with this problem?

There is good treatment. It’s long and involved treatment, and it means a commitment by the addict and a support system in which they look at and acknowledge their behavior – how they’ve broken their own promises and violated their own values. Commit yourself to be psychologically healthy, spiritually healthy and then engage in the process of relearning a healthy sex life; relearning a self-esteem that’s not based on the sexual behaviors that you’re engaged in.

It means backtracking and getting truly clean and sober from the material that you’re using. It’s not a problem that we’re going to solve just with therapists. We’ve got to have society come together and say, This material is toxic to all of us. We need journalists, lawyers, educators, everybody to work together to solve this problem, because we won’t therapize our way out of this. We won’t fix this by just dealing with the victims who have been victimized by this. The whole society has been victimized by this.

Source: citizenlink.org

http://www.citizenlink.org/CLtopstories/A000012427.cfm

Mobile Sexualization: Kids Bikes and Sex

Yesterday I came across this blog, written by a Melissa Wardy, a mother and founder of Pig Tail Pals, who is defending the definition of girly and calling out for innocent childhood instead of age inappropriate sexualization by the media and socially irresponsible companies.

We commend her because we believe more parents need to be defending and protecting their children from sexual messages from the media and the community. After all, a connected child is a protected child!

*Reproduced with permission. Enjoy!

Recently, I was shopping with my four year old daughter, comparing prices for her first bicycle. Going on bike rides as a family while growing up is a fond childhood memory of mine, so I was quite excited about Amelia (the Original Pigtail Pal) reaching this milestone. Her grandparents already had a bike waiting for her at their house to use on our visits. My husband and I were looking forward to teaching her to ride this spring so she could razzle dazzle them during our next visit.

My enthusiasm quickly diminished. I was expecting the limited and stereotypical pink/purple/turquoise color choices. I was expecting sparkles and butterflies. I was expecting almost all of the choices to be character branded with my friends from the Disney Princess crew, Hannah Montana, Barbie, etc.

What I wasn’t expecting was that even children’s bicycles have become sexualized. Of all things, the quintessential part of childhood – a first bike – carrying a sexualized message on it. What, might you ask, had me so up in arms? A Huffy bike model, sized 16 inches, displaying the words “Major Flirt” on it. (Recommended for ages: 3-6 years old)

Huffy 16inch Girls Bike: "Major Flirt"

I was shocked. Disgusted, actually. In this day and age, in our hyper-sexualized society, is it really in the best interest of our children to send them freelancing around the neighborhood on a bike letting everyone know they are a flirtatious coquette? And, is “Major Flirt” as bad as Huffy’s “Hot Stuff” 16 inch model, also recommended for 3-6 year old girls. Do 3-6 year old girls have stuff that is hot? Should girls of that age be flirting?
I don’t think so. I went home and researched bike selections at the popular big box stores like Target, K-Mart, Walmart, etc. In the price range we were looking for our daughter’s first bike (under $80), these were the model names from numerous manufacturers: So Sweet, Pop Star, Dream Journey, Spring Fling, Hot Stuff, Major Flirt, Daisy Diva, Sea Star, Twirl, Pizazz, Mist, DeeLite, Jasmine, Precious, and Candy.

Maybe with those names, I’ll be lucky enough to find Amelia a bike helmet that reads “Stepford Wife in Training”. With the exception of ‘Sea Star’, every single model name referred to sweet behavior, sexual behavior, attractive appearace, or a princess. Ugh. So maybe I should let this go and just buy her a Dora bike. It would be easy enough for me to say “That’s not for my child” and choose to spend my money elsewhere. But what about the kids whose parents don’t think that way? This isn’t just about me and my child. It is about all of our children. Remember, the 15 bike models listed above are the top sellers at the major retailers which means: 1) they are mainstream, meaning they are most readily available to the highest number of people, and 2) they are what people are buying because they are what the stores are stocking.

Unless you’re one of the lucky kids with a giant unfinished basement and get to ride your bike indoors, most kids ride their bikes outdoors. In public. Where anybody can see them. So what happens to the little girl who is unfortunate enough to be alone and ride her “Hot Stuff” bike past a group of older boys who surround her and start questioning her on how hot her stuff really is? Can a six year old handle that? Should she have to?

When I first called Huffy Bike Customer Service and asked to speak to someone about the sexually charged children’s bike names, I got the response from two different reps, “Um, no one has ever asked us that before.” Fine. But I was asking now. And I demanded to speak to someone in the marketing department. Ultimately, I received a call from Huffy Bike headquarters and had two very nice conversations with a marketing manager, a mother of two grown daughters. She told me she understood my concern, and told me when Huffy came up with these names ‘Hot Stuff’ and ‘Major Flirt’, they were influenced by fashion and what was popular in girls clothing at the time. She informed me that due to “a number of calls from parents” about these names, Huffy was no longer manufacturing them. Because they are still carried in stores, I asked if Huffy provided stickers or anything that parents could use to cover up the words. She said no. Although still available at retailers and promoted on their website, she said Huffy was trying to be more sensitive to those kind of things. So, I asked for a statement reflecting such. Instead, I got this:

Huffy has been working to help parents and children with bicycling for years. We’ve never seen ourselves as just bike manufacturers. To us, it’s more than that. Biking is a way for both adults and kids to be active outdoors. The Huffy website has a lot of information to help make sure bicycle riding is enjoyable and safe. http://www.huffy.com/ has tips for parents teaching their children how to ride a bike; bicycle safety posters for kids; guides for finding a bike path in your area and much more.

Well. Huh. That’s not really what I was looking for. I wanted a major corporation like Huffy to say something like:

Huffy has been proudly making bikes for parents and children for years. We are more than just bike manufacturers. To us, biking is a way for families to enjoy the outdoors in a healthy and safe way. Connected to our commitment to safety is the knowledge that our bikes carry messages and images that allow for healthy and age appropriate development. We responsibly consider all areas of your child’s safety when developing, marketing, and promoting our cycling products.

After all, this is our children we’re talking about. I can find a bike path on my own. What I have trouble finding is understanding for the thought process that goes into thinking names like ‘Hot Stuff’ and ‘Major Flirt’ are appropriate for a small child. A child that, at 3-6 years of age, would probably lack the social skills and vocabulary necessary to stop sexual advances from a predator or older children. And why the hell do I have to use the phrase “sexual advances” in a post about my daughter’s first bike?

So, Huffy, and the rest of you, here’s our thought for the day: THERE IS NOTHING SEXUAL ABOUT OUR CHILDREN OR THEIR CHILDHOOD.

I spoke to my children’s pediatrician about this, and he was dumb founded. And this is a man who is married to a marketing professor. He said, “Why would parents do that? Why would they have their child on a bike that says that?”. I replied that unfortunately, that is what is sold in the mainstream, Big Box stores. So next I went to my independent bike retailer here in town. His bikes were twice the price, but you could tell the difference in quality. I asked the owner what he thought of all of this, and I watched him get physically uncomfortable. He said “As a parent, I don’t like it. I don’t think that’s right for the kids.” Apparently my local bike shop owner is brighter and more socially conscious than Huffy’s marketing and development department.

Let’s do this. As adults generally concerned about the safety and healthy development of our children, let’s all write to Huffy and ask for a stronger commitment. From a wholesale perspective, they have orders to full fill that would have been written months ago. Retailers are expecting the bikes they bought at market to be on their shelves. Huffy can’t change that. What they can change is the content of their website to reflect the level of commitment they are responsible for. Whether or not these bikes are still in production, the fact remains they are still being sold and they are inappropriate. And they could prove dangerous to our children.

Here’s what Pigtail Pals will do: I had the idea, what if Pigtail Pals created rad stickers that parents could put on their girls’ bike to either cover up sexy/stupid messages, or to just generally empower their girl toward overall awesomeness? Pigtail Pals will be working on two designs for reflective stickers and will have them available in a few weeks. See, Huffy? That was easy.

Here’s what you can do: Write to Huffy so they get a better picture of how committed parents are to ending the hyper-sexualization of childhood. Encourage them to go farther in their steps towards corporate responsibility. Encourage them to do better.

Huffy Bicycle Company
Attn: Ray Thomson, Vice President of Marketing
6551 Centerville Business Pkwy
Centerville, Ohio 45459

True Beauty...Is Perception Everything?

Written by guest writer Michelle Kuhns

Have you seen the show “True Beauty”? It has a generally good principle, that I can agree with, and yet there is still a part of the show that just plain bugs me.



The show started out with ten contestants, who all think they are the most beautiful person. The show really brings out their vanity and the way they interact is sometimes shocking, but they are all there to compete for the cash prize and a photo shoot in People magazines 100 Most Beautiful People issue—and they’re all in it to win. As with any reality TV show, you see them at their best and worst.

Will this show end on a final note of unveiling a truly beautiful individual? Or will we all sit there in the end and say, “Really? THAT’S who won??” Can beauty really be determined by watching a 10 episode montage of set up scenarios of the individuals on screen? And can you really find it when you are limiting yourself to those previously chosen? I have a feeling that I will be greatly disappointed by the end result, because I am fairly sure, that there isn’t anyone on the show that I would comfortably say is truly beautiful.

Which brings us to another question: What is true beauty?

When you look at someone and truly see them for who they are, does their physical appearance really matter? I argue that it does not.

What does true beauty mean to you? A lot of people may depend on what a person actually looks like to help them gauge a person’s beauty. But I want you to think about what matters most about the people you spend your time with.

When you think about your friends, the ones that you call almost every night, and you hang out with every weekend, what is your favorite thing about them? What is it about them that makes you want to be their friend? Is it the fact that they are pretty? Or is it something else? Usually, you choose your friends because you have something in common, or because of the way they act or treat people around them. It’s not something you can tell about a person just by looking at them. It’s not a first glance kind of thing—you have to watch them to see who they are, and what they’re like.

True beauty shines from the inside out. The character of a person: that they are kind, caring, compassionate, honest, the way they react and interact with those around them …the list could go on…. THAT is what makes a person truly beautiful.

Is it any wonder the show is a vague memory? I quickly lost interest in following the shallow fakeness of the contestants, doing what they thought they had to in order to win the game, completely forgetting the entire concept of the shows premise. In fact, I had to Google it myself to find out how it all ended. I’d assumed the show had been cancelled, but here I find it is set to return to air this summer.

Apparently mainstream media is still confused about the true meaning of beauty.

Spring brings Hope, Life and Second Chances to Erie

Spring has sprung in Erie, PA and the outdoors are alive with activity. Nothing bring joy to the soul like warm sunshine and blue sky.

And with the new life of spring comes second chances.

Here at the Women's Care Center we are all about instilling hope, inspiring life, and revealing second chances.

Our Pregnancy Resource offices do this through crisis pregnancy services and counseling by showing women that life and hope are possible for them and their unborn child.

Our Adoption by Choice office does this through providing a little life to a childless family, while giving the birth mom a second chance at achieving her dreams.

Our Education Division does this through teaching teens how to avoid risky behaviors and instead to follow their goals, while reminding sexually active youth that a second chance is always available.

So we hope you enjoy your Easter and this wonderful season of spring. I know we are!