The Toy Story Dad... What's His Story?

The following blog is from the Father Factor, a blog by the National Fatherhood Initiative.

This past weekend, my family and I went to see "Toy Story 3." Wow. What a great movie! The dialogue was clever and humorous. The characters and the plot were compelling and entertaining, and the movie has a wonderfully engaging blend of drama and comedy. My sense is that the Toy Story series has run its course. If so, the creators of the series ended on a very high note.

However, there was one aspect of the movie that left me a bit "animated." The plot builds around the fact that Andy, who is now 17, has lost interest in playing with Woody, Buzz and the gang. Accordinly, the urgent crisis for the toys is what would become of them now that Andy would soon be heading off to college.

At one point, there is a scan of Andy's desk and you see a picture from his recent high school graduation. There are three smiling faces: Andy, his sister and his mom. So, for me, the stuffed elephant in the living room was... Where is Andy's dad and what's his story?

Now, I know that this is just a movie, but, unfortunately, art can imitate life. With 24 million kids living in father-absent homes, Andy's family situation is too real and too common for too many children. Nonetheless, this was not an accident or an oversight. Somewhere during the creative process someone made the call to erase dad. Moreover, he was deleted and no reference was made to him. And, well, I am just not comfortable with this new normal.

Interestingly, there was a scene in the movie where I got a sense that Andy was not too comfortable with this either. Near the end of the film, Andy is holding Woody for what will probably be the last time and he says that Woody is his most special toy and that he has been with him for as long as he can remember. He added that Woody was always there for him and, best of all, Woody would never give up on him, no matter what.

Now, you can dismiss this like so much "psycho babble," but it seems to me that Andy, through his imagination and play, ascribed to Woody the attributes of an involved, responsible, and committed father. And, if you followed the Toy Story series, this is exactly how Woody behaved. He was always focused on being there for Andy regardless of the challenges and obstacles. Interestingly, the magic that made Woody a "read" toy was his commitment to Andy, just like what makes a man a real father is his commitment to his children.

In fact, if anyone ever questioned his priorities and purpose, Woody was quick to show them the word "ANDY" written on the sole of his shoe in permanent marker. What an amazing metaphor for what happens to a man when he becomes a dad. I have heard numerous times from fathers how something changed inside of them when they held their child for the first time. Well, I think that children are born with "magic" markers and when their dads hold them for the first time, they write their names on their dad's souls to remind their fathers who they belong to.

I guess that's why I am a bit troubled by no reference or mention of Andy's dad. Because for all of the real "Andys" in the world, their history is linked to their destiny as men and as fathers. Accordingy, they have to come to grip with and make sense of their father's absence in a real way. And there is no erasing that.

Giving Booty Pop the BOOT

Yesterday I was reviewing our mailing and found myself flipping through the pages of a recent Bed Bath & Beyond flyer.

It was clearly the college edition with cute pictures of dorm room storage units, bedding sets, and even models wearing Snuggie "cap and gowns."

And then I turned to page 19. Amongst the curlers and straighteners was a picture of girl posing and a text bubble that read, "Do I even have a booty?"



Maybe I live in a cave that I've never heard of the Booty Pop, but that ad left me outraged. How dare they prey on the insecurity of soon-to-be college freshman girls who already are wondering if they have what it takes to survive college, let alone question the size of their God-given caboose!

Thoroughly upset about 1) what advetizers are getting away with, and 2) what girls are literally buying and figurally buying into, I began to investigate the website of Booty Pop.

Immediately upon opening the website are you are bommarded with before and after pictures, testimonials of people like Kelli Ripa, and cheesy lines like "the secret is out!" and "go from flat to fab in a POP!"

And then I saw this:

I realize it's hard to read, so let me reproduce it:

WARNING! Wearing Booty Pop panties has been known to make men notice...

(Notice what? How fake you are?)

The makers of Booty Pop are not responsible for all the extra attention you will receive as a result of wearing our product...

(Again, playing on the insecurity of girls who don't feel loved and desperately want attention. Girls, is falsely enhacing your body in anyway the solution? Will he truly LOVE you for who you are, instead of how you look? Or are you just lowering your standards?)

Subsequently the hiring of, and costs related to, additional personal security is the sole responsibility of the Booty Pop customer. (emphasis added)

(Whoa!! Let's talk about this. They are jokingly implying that you'll need to hire security because you'll get so much attention. Attention? Or physically attacked? I think that's called rape ladies, let's not confuse the two.)

I think it's about time we ladies stop buying into the lies of "you need this" and "you aren't beautiful" and need to start giving products like Booty Pop the BOOT.

41 Reasons...

...to wait to have sex.

Submitted by teens and originally posted on AC Green's Youth Foundation website.

1. I'd rather say no to my boyfriend than "Yes, I'm pregnant" to my parents.
2. To avoid STDs.
3. I don't want to feel guilty.
4. I don't want the reputation of being someone that people date because they expect to have sex.
5. I would disappoint my parents.
6. I might lose respect for the other person, he or she might lose respect for me, and I might lose respect for myself.
7. Sex is better in a secure, loving marriage relationship.
8. The thought of having an abortion scares me to death.
9. Sex gets in the way of real intimate communication.
10. Sexual relationships are a lot harder to break up even when you know you should.
11. I'm afraid it may ruin a good relationship rather than make it better.
12. There are better ways to get someone to like you.
13. You won't have to worry about birth control side effects.
14. I'm not emotionally ready for that intense of a relationship.
15. I could become scared of my partner.
16. I don't want to hurt someone I really care about.
17. Sex could become the central focus of the relationship, like an addiction. At that point it is no longer a meaningful relationship, but we are using each other to satisfy sexual desires.
18. You begin to compare sexual experiences, leading to lots of disappointments.
19. I don't want to make myself vulnerable to being used or abused sexually.
20. If I'm hurt too many times, I might miss out on something great because I'm so afraid of being hurt again.
21. I like my freedom too much. Sexual relationships are binding.
22. I'm only sixteen.
23. I'm proud of my virginity, and I want to stay that way.
24. Building a relationship in other ways is more important.
25. I don't want to risk becoming someone's sex object.
26. I want my first experience to be a good one with someone who won't laugh at me, reject me, or tell lies about me, and who I know will always be there tomorrow.
27. It's possible to enjoy ourselves without getting sexually intimate.
28. Why rush into something that could be lousy or mediocre now, when it could be great later?
29. I don't want sex to lose meaning and value so that I feel "sexually bankrupt."
30. I am afraid that at this age it might not meet my expectations, and I will be seriously disappointed.
31. I don't want to risk ending a relationship by our hating each other because of it.
32. I might find it painful and the other person rough and uncaring.
33. I don't want the boy to brag about scoring with me.
34. It's the safest way not to become pregnant.
35. You may feel invaded, and you can't take it back after it's happened.
36. You may have to grow up too fast and too soon.
37. Sex may become the only thing that keeps the relationship together.
38. You may have sex too early to really enjoy or understand it.
39. You lose the chance to experience the "first time" with someone who really cares for you.
40. I want my most intimate physical relationship to be with the one I marry.
41. Sex brings feelings of jealousy, envy, and possessiveness. Every relationship changes.