Family Movies for the Holidays

The holidays are here! And that means lots and lots of time spent with and around loved ones. What better way to spend that time than to share some laughter, right? Right.

The following movies are hysterically funny and are sure to bring out fits of laughter in both young and old. What's more, they are filled with messages about building character, developing healthy relationships and positive self-image.

Whether you will be gathering around the sofa with home-made popcorn or out to your favorite movie theatre, you will appreciate this family time spent together!

For more reviews, visit commonsensemedia.org.

Know your Rebecca St James songs!

Since Rebecca St James is coming to Erie on Sept 18 and 19th I thought you might enjoy watching a video from one of the songs she'll be performing.

Wait For Me.

Family Movie Night

Looking for a family friendly movie night? Look no further than Ramona and Beezus! This movie comes highly rated by our office staff and their families.

Filled with positive healthy relationships and good role models, this movie is guaranteed to be a new family favorite.

For more reviews, please visit commonsensemedia.org

Rebecca St. James in Concert!

SAVE the DATE!

Singer, performer, and actor, Rebecca St. James will be coming to Erie, PA for a benefit concert for the Women's Care Center.

Rebecca has won a Grammy award and multiple Dove awards for her talented work in the Christian music industry.

So mark the date on your calendar:

Sunday September 19, 2010 @ 7pm Rebecca St. James in concert at Erie First Assembly of God

For more information, visit our website or call our main office at (814) 836-7505

The Toy Story Dad... What's His Story?

The following blog is from the Father Factor, a blog by the National Fatherhood Initiative.

This past weekend, my family and I went to see "Toy Story 3." Wow. What a great movie! The dialogue was clever and humorous. The characters and the plot were compelling and entertaining, and the movie has a wonderfully engaging blend of drama and comedy. My sense is that the Toy Story series has run its course. If so, the creators of the series ended on a very high note.

However, there was one aspect of the movie that left me a bit "animated." The plot builds around the fact that Andy, who is now 17, has lost interest in playing with Woody, Buzz and the gang. Accordinly, the urgent crisis for the toys is what would become of them now that Andy would soon be heading off to college.

At one point, there is a scan of Andy's desk and you see a picture from his recent high school graduation. There are three smiling faces: Andy, his sister and his mom. So, for me, the stuffed elephant in the living room was... Where is Andy's dad and what's his story?

Now, I know that this is just a movie, but, unfortunately, art can imitate life. With 24 million kids living in father-absent homes, Andy's family situation is too real and too common for too many children. Nonetheless, this was not an accident or an oversight. Somewhere during the creative process someone made the call to erase dad. Moreover, he was deleted and no reference was made to him. And, well, I am just not comfortable with this new normal.

Interestingly, there was a scene in the movie where I got a sense that Andy was not too comfortable with this either. Near the end of the film, Andy is holding Woody for what will probably be the last time and he says that Woody is his most special toy and that he has been with him for as long as he can remember. He added that Woody was always there for him and, best of all, Woody would never give up on him, no matter what.

Now, you can dismiss this like so much "psycho babble," but it seems to me that Andy, through his imagination and play, ascribed to Woody the attributes of an involved, responsible, and committed father. And, if you followed the Toy Story series, this is exactly how Woody behaved. He was always focused on being there for Andy regardless of the challenges and obstacles. Interestingly, the magic that made Woody a "read" toy was his commitment to Andy, just like what makes a man a real father is his commitment to his children.

In fact, if anyone ever questioned his priorities and purpose, Woody was quick to show them the word "ANDY" written on the sole of his shoe in permanent marker. What an amazing metaphor for what happens to a man when he becomes a dad. I have heard numerous times from fathers how something changed inside of them when they held their child for the first time. Well, I think that children are born with "magic" markers and when their dads hold them for the first time, they write their names on their dad's souls to remind their fathers who they belong to.

I guess that's why I am a bit troubled by no reference or mention of Andy's dad. Because for all of the real "Andys" in the world, their history is linked to their destiny as men and as fathers. Accordingy, they have to come to grip with and make sense of their father's absence in a real way. And there is no erasing that.

Giving Booty Pop the BOOT

Yesterday I was reviewing our mailing and found myself flipping through the pages of a recent Bed Bath & Beyond flyer.

It was clearly the college edition with cute pictures of dorm room storage units, bedding sets, and even models wearing Snuggie "cap and gowns."

And then I turned to page 19. Amongst the curlers and straighteners was a picture of girl posing and a text bubble that read, "Do I even have a booty?"



Maybe I live in a cave that I've never heard of the Booty Pop, but that ad left me outraged. How dare they prey on the insecurity of soon-to-be college freshman girls who already are wondering if they have what it takes to survive college, let alone question the size of their God-given caboose!

Thoroughly upset about 1) what advetizers are getting away with, and 2) what girls are literally buying and figurally buying into, I began to investigate the website of Booty Pop.

Immediately upon opening the website are you are bommarded with before and after pictures, testimonials of people like Kelli Ripa, and cheesy lines like "the secret is out!" and "go from flat to fab in a POP!"

And then I saw this:

I realize it's hard to read, so let me reproduce it:

WARNING! Wearing Booty Pop panties has been known to make men notice...

(Notice what? How fake you are?)

The makers of Booty Pop are not responsible for all the extra attention you will receive as a result of wearing our product...

(Again, playing on the insecurity of girls who don't feel loved and desperately want attention. Girls, is falsely enhacing your body in anyway the solution? Will he truly LOVE you for who you are, instead of how you look? Or are you just lowering your standards?)

Subsequently the hiring of, and costs related to, additional personal security is the sole responsibility of the Booty Pop customer. (emphasis added)

(Whoa!! Let's talk about this. They are jokingly implying that you'll need to hire security because you'll get so much attention. Attention? Or physically attacked? I think that's called rape ladies, let's not confuse the two.)

I think it's about time we ladies stop buying into the lies of "you need this" and "you aren't beautiful" and need to start giving products like Booty Pop the BOOT.

41 Reasons...

...to wait to have sex.

Submitted by teens and originally posted on AC Green's Youth Foundation website.

1. I'd rather say no to my boyfriend than "Yes, I'm pregnant" to my parents.
2. To avoid STDs.
3. I don't want to feel guilty.
4. I don't want the reputation of being someone that people date because they expect to have sex.
5. I would disappoint my parents.
6. I might lose respect for the other person, he or she might lose respect for me, and I might lose respect for myself.
7. Sex is better in a secure, loving marriage relationship.
8. The thought of having an abortion scares me to death.
9. Sex gets in the way of real intimate communication.
10. Sexual relationships are a lot harder to break up even when you know you should.
11. I'm afraid it may ruin a good relationship rather than make it better.
12. There are better ways to get someone to like you.
13. You won't have to worry about birth control side effects.
14. I'm not emotionally ready for that intense of a relationship.
15. I could become scared of my partner.
16. I don't want to hurt someone I really care about.
17. Sex could become the central focus of the relationship, like an addiction. At that point it is no longer a meaningful relationship, but we are using each other to satisfy sexual desires.
18. You begin to compare sexual experiences, leading to lots of disappointments.
19. I don't want to make myself vulnerable to being used or abused sexually.
20. If I'm hurt too many times, I might miss out on something great because I'm so afraid of being hurt again.
21. I like my freedom too much. Sexual relationships are binding.
22. I'm only sixteen.
23. I'm proud of my virginity, and I want to stay that way.
24. Building a relationship in other ways is more important.
25. I don't want to risk becoming someone's sex object.
26. I want my first experience to be a good one with someone who won't laugh at me, reject me, or tell lies about me, and who I know will always be there tomorrow.
27. It's possible to enjoy ourselves without getting sexually intimate.
28. Why rush into something that could be lousy or mediocre now, when it could be great later?
29. I don't want sex to lose meaning and value so that I feel "sexually bankrupt."
30. I am afraid that at this age it might not meet my expectations, and I will be seriously disappointed.
31. I don't want to risk ending a relationship by our hating each other because of it.
32. I might find it painful and the other person rough and uncaring.
33. I don't want the boy to brag about scoring with me.
34. It's the safest way not to become pregnant.
35. You may feel invaded, and you can't take it back after it's happened.
36. You may have to grow up too fast and too soon.
37. Sex may become the only thing that keeps the relationship together.
38. You may have sex too early to really enjoy or understand it.
39. You lose the chance to experience the "first time" with someone who really cares for you.
40. I want my most intimate physical relationship to be with the one I marry.
41. Sex brings feelings of jealousy, envy, and possessiveness. Every relationship changes.

Beautiful, Must See Commercial!

Saw this new "wear your seat belt" commercial the UK is running and loved it. A beautiful depiction of why your loved ones want you to be safe.

And not only with wearing your seat belt, but also making healthy choices about drinking, drugs and premarital sex. Because when it comes down to it, poor choices always affect more people than just yourself. It affects everyone who cares about you.

Fathers Who Are Husbands Spare Children from Poverty

An excellent article by the Heritage Foundation, written by Ken McIntyre.

A wedding ring on Dad’s finger is more than a symbol of his commitment to Mom. It also proves to be the ultimate anti-poverty weapon for their children. Now that’s something to celebrate and encourage this Father’s Day. It’s fitting on Sunday to honor all the fathers who strive to keep that commitment, even when they grow weary.


“The principal cause of child poverty in the U.S. is the absence of married fathers in the home,” Robert Rector, senior research fellow in domestic policy studies at The Heritage Foundation, writes in a new paper. “Marriage is a powerful weapon in fighting poverty. Being married has the same effect in reducing poverty as adding five to six years to a parent’s education level.”

In the paper, accompanied by 12 new charts on marriage and poverty, Rector illustrates the severe social costs of record-high births outside marriage – and of homes without fathers.

The escalating rate of births to unmarried women – four of every 10 babies overall, but more than half the Hispanic births and a staggering seven of every 10 births for blacks – is driving the collapse of marriage in America, especially in lower-income neighborhoods.

As Rector writes:

Marriage matters. But mentioning the bond between marriage and lower poverty violates the protocols of political correctness. Thus, the main cause of child poverty remains hidden from public view. Since the decline of marriage is the principal cause of child poverty and welfare dependence in the U.S. …it would seem reasonable for government to take steps to strengthen marriage.

About two of every three poor children live in single-parent households. Yet if poor single moms married the fathers of their children, nearly two out of three would be lifted out of poverty.

And contrary to the mainstream media line, teen pregnancy is a small part of the picture: In 2008, the most recent year for which data is available, babies born to girls under 18 accounted for 130,000, or 7.5 percent, of the total 1.72 million out-of-wedlock births.

It’s not as simple as young men “manning up” and becoming the lawfully wedded husbands of their girlfriends, live-in or otherwise. These unmarried mothers tend to be in their 20s, without much income or education. They come to depend on public assistance; many learn how to work the welfare system.

Research shows that a child raised in a home where Dad is married to Mom is much less likely to live in poverty, get arrested as a juvenile, be suspended or expelled from school, be treated for emotional or behavioral problems, or drop out before completing high school. Taxpayers foot the bill for more than $300 billion a year in means-tested government spending on low-income single moms – and, in relatively rare cases, single dads.

One budding national leader, himself a young husband and father, nailed the poverty portion of the tragedy of absent fathers when he cited similar statistics five years ago and wrote:

In light of these facts, policies that strengthen marriage for those who choose it and that discourage unintended births outside of marriage are sensible goals to pursue.

Those words come from husband, father and then-Senator Barack Obama’s 2006 best-seller “The Audacity of Hope.” He was correct then, and he should implement marriage-strengthening policies today.

To reinvigorate marriage in lower-income neighborhoods, Rector suggests, government could start by providing facts on the role of healthy marriages in reducing poverty and improving the well-being of children. Why not teach skills for selecting a wife or husband? Why not explain the importance of developing a stable marital relationship before bringing children into the world?

Nothing could be further from government practice. In social service agencies, welfare offices, schools and popular culture across America, what Rector calls “a deafening silence” reigns on the topic of marriage. The welfare system actively penalizes low-income couples who do get married. He adds:

For most on the Left, marriage is, at best, an antiquated institution, a red-state superstition. From this viewpoint, the real task is to expand government subsidies as a post-marriage society is built.

Rather than adopt policies to reverse the 50-year spike in births outside marriage, though, President Obama in his 2011 budget “would eliminate the one program dedicated to encouraging healthy marriage,” notes Jennifer A. Marshall, Heritage’s director of domestic policy studies.

Marshall writes:

In its place would be a program promoting a notion of ‘fatherhood’ that doesn’t involve the father being married or in the home. The facts speak for themselves. It’s time more policymakers noticed what the facts are saying.

Something to think about, Mr. President. Happy Father’s Day.

Love Shouldn't Hurt

Dating violence is a serious issue which isn't ignored at the Women's Care Center. From our staff who counsels couples towards healthy relationships to our educators in the classroom teaching on the "con games" in relationships, we are developing hope in and for our community.

That is why this recent blog by I Am That Girl was so sad to me. Sad because it involved dating violence in my hometown of Charlottesville, VA. Violence which ended in a murder. Sad because no one said anything. Sad because it could have been prevented.

Love Shouldn't Hurt

by Ashley Thill

Could she have been saved? That is the question on the minds of many after the death of Yeardley Love. Love was a lacrosse player for the women’s team at the University of Virginia. She was a beautiful and sweet 22-year-old, set to graduate. She was found dead in her apartment nearly a month ago. Her ex-boyfriend, George Huguely, a fellow lacrosse player on the men’s team, stands accused in the case of her murder. After the story broke, more news came forward about Huguely’s violent and obsessive ways. Those near Love and Huguely seemed to recognize his temper and his fixation on Love. Yet no one came forward or said anything. This is why the University of Virginia and the nation is reeling about whether Yeardley Love’s murder could have been prevented.

Huguely’s lawyers are calling his actions “an accident with a tragic aftermath.” However, dating violence is no accident and should not be treated as such. The National Violence Against Women Survey, co-sponsored by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and the National Institute of Justice, reported that nearly 25% of women report being physically assaulted or raped in their lifetime. That adds up to nearly 4.8 million female victims of intimate partner violence each year.

Many young people who are victims of dating violence often don’t realize that there is something wrong. They have little experience and may think that it is “normal” relationship behavior or it will stop. Obviously, none of the people around Love thought to go to someone about Huguely’s behavior toward her nor does it appear that Love did so herself.

Dating violence isn’t just physical either. The CDC classifies different forms of dating violence as verbal, emotional, physical and sexual. The last two are often the most focused on but verbal and emotional abuse can take a toll; they also may be the least recognizable. These types can be confused as teasing (such as when dating partners call each other names) or as a sign of love, like when someone threatens to hurt him or herself if a partner expresses desire to end the relationship.

The most important thing is to educate adolescents so they learn from a young age to recognize dating violence. Incorporating curriculum about dating violence into health classes is one way to ensure young people are exposed to signs of violence and abuse early.

The saddest part of this whole story is that Love’s death probably could have been prevented, if someone had intervened. Now not only is this young woman dead, but Huguely faces life in prison. If something had been done, both Love and Huguely could have gone on to lead fulfilling lives. It’s our turn as a society to learn something from this tragedy and prevent cases like it form happening in the future.

Ideas from the Dating Divas

I stumbled upon a blog by the Dating Divas who describe the blog as such:

Once upon a time, there were a group of FABULOUS divas...twelve to be exact...who realized that they all had the same problem! Each of them was married to a super-duper hottie, of course, but they were discovering that they were letting LIFE take over...and weren't focusing on their husbands as much as they would like! Since these divas were so fabulous and all...they quickly came up with a plan. They would take turns posting a super fun, creative, AND inexpensive date each week on their "Dating Divas" blog! And, of course, being the fabulous divas...and all..they decided to share those dates with the rest of you!

Sounds like fun, huh? Wait until you see their awesome posts.

This one has got to be one of my favorite: Couples Minute to Win It, taylored after the TV game show. Included on their blog is a ready made invitation that you can use to host your own Minute to Win It party.

If your dating life has gotten too routine (whether your single or married) try out some of their and let us know how it goes!

Or, if you're creative come up with your own and contact the Divas!

Teen's Biggest Influence is...

Because today is National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, I wanted to highlight those individuals who have the biggest impact on teens: parents!

Again and again teens say that parents influence them more than friends, the media, or any other source. Encouraging, isn't it?

So parents, are you using your influence to guide your child toward success and healthy relationships? Check out this video in which teens are crying out for their parents to just talk with them about sex.

Talk to Me PSA...

For more parent information on talking with your teen about sex, please visit: 4parents.gov

The Quiet Revolution on College Campuses

This morning I read the article below on Townhall.com. Not only is it a great look at the changing trends with today's generations, but also rings true with our own experience with a local Erie college.

In the fall, the Women's Care Center hosted an event at Gannon University called, Hooking Up & Breaking Down - the Missing Links in Relationships. During the event we spoke to the harms of the hook-up culture and the benefits of delaying sexual activity until marriage.

We left the students eager to make a stand for abstinence and excited for the benefits of marriage. The revolution isn't just happening at other campuses, but right here in Erie, PA!

The Quiet Revolution on College Campuses
Janice Shaw Crouse

There’s a quiet revolution happening on the nation’s school and college campuses. While the students still live in a sex-saturated culture, and while researchers claim that at least 75 percent of college students are part of the “hook-up” generation, more and more students are opting out of the sex scene. It is far too early to declare a new trend, but there are encouraging signs of a new respect for abstinence and dating, instead of recreational sex.

Part of the change of attitude and behavior comes from college students seeing the consequences and repercussions of recreational sex.

College counselors report that they are seeing a dramatic increase in sex-related problems on campuses. A just-published article in Professional Psychology reveals over three-quarters of clinic directors (77.1 percent) noted increases in “severe psychological problems.” Over the past decade, counselors report that depression cases doubled, suicidal students tripled and sexual assault cases quadrupled. Sexually transmitted diseases are rampant in a culture where it is not uncommon for students to have sex with several partners; they call it “concurrency.” About one in four women and about one in five men have HPV. Other STDs, like Herpes, Gonorrhea, and Chlamydia, are also common among students — an estimated two-thirds of STDs occur among those under age 25.

The prevailing message about abortion is that it is a “choice,” but far too many of today’s college women have seen a friend be abandoned by a guy or coerced to have an abortion when he finds out she is pregnant.

Wonderful books are available and are having impact with college students and young careerists. Wendy Shalit’s book, The Good Girl Revolution: Young Rebels with Self-Esteem and High Standards, and her original book on modesty, A Return to Modesty, are having profound influence. Miriam Grossman’s Unprotected lays out the consequences of promiscuity. Carol Platt Liebau’s, Prude: How the Sex-Obsessed Culture Damages Girls, reveals the “minefields” that today’s students have to navigate in their sexually “ramped up” world.

Julie Klausner warns smart women not to be reckless with their hearts or bodies in I Don’t Care about Your Band. Joe McIlhaney, Jr., and Freda McKissic Bush have written a book of scientific data on casual sex, New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting our Children. Laura Sessions Stepp, author of Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both, describes the shift of “power” away from women in the hook-up culture and noted that many young women cannot handle the physical and emotional battering that they suffer in the new hook-up landscape.

Meg Meeker’s Your Kids at Risk: How Teen Sex Threatens Our Sons and Daughters is also a no-holds-barred treatise about consequences. In her book, Hooking Up: Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus, Kathleen Bogle writes about how co-eds long for a return to traditional dating. All these books, and numerous others, are being read by today’s generation of students, and they are having a positive impact on student behavior.

Plus, there are some very savvy outreach programs gaining popularity on college campuses. Foremost among them is the Love and Fidelity Network, which currently has chapters on about two dozen high-profile campuses, including Princeton, Harvard, and Notre Dame. This very popular program, with distinguished Princeton professor Robert George in leadership, provides well-attended forums and discussion groups promoting abstinence, sexual integrity, and marriage. The Ruth Institute, headed by Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse, provides speakers for campus events and quality research on the benefits of marriage.

In addition, there are some pop cultural changes afoot with pop stars sending countercultural messages. Lady Gaga created a media frenzy recently when she told the press that she was going celibate and suggested that others do the same. Former American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson released a song, “I Don’t Hook Up,” where she declared that she didn’t hook up and she didn’t “come cheap.” On Facebook, there’s a girls’ group called “Bring Dating Back” for girls who want guys to take them out on a real date rather than head straight for a bed.

But arguably, the most influential cultural statement lately among the youngest teens was a few subtle lines in a #1 hit song, “Fifteen.” Taylor Swift, one of the most popular of today’s country music stars, sang poignantly about “realizing bigger dreams” than the high school boyfriend, and about crying with Abigail “who gave everything” to a boy who “changed his mind.” She said in a recent interview, “I wouldn’t be a party girl even if I wasn’t doing this [songwriter and performer]; that’s just not the way I live my life.”

At last, our young people are hearing the truth from some pop stars, and they are getting solid information, including the quality abstinence programs that have been given wider distribution over the past decade. Today’s youth are hearing from multiple sources about the benefits of self-respect, self-restraint, and learning to say “no.” Perhaps a trend is underway after all; we can only hope and continue to challenge the nation’s young people to live up to their highest potential.

For Your Eyes Only

Modestly Yours is a blog which we've been following for sometime after having the honor of meeting some of the strong, independent and intelligent women who write for it.

Just in case you've never checked out what they have to say, here's a recent post which will really cause you to ponder the POWER of modesty and what lessons we can learn from other cultures.

For Your Eyes Only
by Erica Z.

I thought I'd share an experience I had this past week.

But first, a small intro, since I never formally introduced myself: I'm originally from Philadelphia, but I'm currently studying at a yeshiva for Jewish women in Jerusalem, Israel. Every weekend, I celebrate Shabbat, the Jewish Sabbath, which lasts from sundown Friday until sundown Saturday. I am invited to a different family each week for the festivities--eating, shmoozing, praying, learning, and eating some more. I have found throughout my travels that even within the Orthodox Jewish world, there is an enormous spectrum of philosophies, perspectives, and customs.

I spent this past Shabbat with two friends at the home of a young, newly-married Chassidic couple. After Rivky (our cute, talkative financial advisor from New York who doubles as our friend and confidante) invited me to her home, she said, "By the way, I have to warn you. My husband does not look at or talk to women. But he loves having guests." I was startled. I know that Orthodox men are careful not to gaze at immodestly dressed women, or to stare in an inappropriate manner at any woman. I had even heard of this added stringency to which men from some Chassidic sects of orthodoxy adhere, to not look at women besides their wives. But what startled me was how Rivky seemed to beam with pride as she said this. "He is really into guarding his eyes," she continued, her own eyes twinkling.

Sure enough, her husband did not steal any glances of his three female guests. Nevertheless, he warmly welcomed us when we arrived and wished us a good week when we left. He even made us eggs for the traditional, small meal after sundown on Saturday evening. He did all of this with a big smile, but with his eyes directed downward. At the dinner table, he did not talk to us directly. He gently spoke to Rivky in Yiddish, telling her stories and words of Torah. After listening to him intently, she brightly related everything to us in English. Sometimes I saw him smiling or nodding in response to things we said. After dinner, I stayed up late talking with Rivky. Much of our conversation centered on ideas about modesty, in behavior and appearance, something she feels is a pillar of her life and her role as a Jewish woman.

The next morning, we woke up in an empty apartment--the couple had already gone to the synagogue--to find three coffee cups with saucers and shiny spoons placed in a perfect line on the kitchen table, accompanied by a plate of pastries. Each cup contained instant coffee and sugar. When I later thanked Rivky for the thoughtful gesture, she giggled. "It wasn't me. It was my husband." I looked over at her husband, who had heard this exchange. He was sporting a toothy smile.

I walked away from Rivky's home with a refined understanding of a once-foreign lifestyle. And some questions... Is there such thing as too extreme when it comes to modesty? Or is it because we have become so desensitized that going "too far" from the norm of skimpy outfits and cat calls seems equally offensive?

Is modesty a long-lost virtue to which some hold a secret key?

The "P" Problem

Yesterday I was discussing the problem of pornography with a college student. It seems we've all been impacted by this addictive yet multi-million dollar industry. Fathers, husbands, brothers, friends...each exposed while young and trapped in the lust cycle that never seems satiated.

So when I saw this article in CitizenLink.org on the problem of porn, I knew I had to share.

The article interviews Mary Anne Layden, a psychotherapist at the University of Pennsylvania who treats sexual violence victims, perpetrators, sex addicts and members of the sex industry.

1. What are you finding about the dangers of pornography?

One of the ways I think that people know it’s harmful is when I treat sex addicts. At some point in the treatment I will say to them, Would you want your wife to be a prostitute? You want your daughter to be a stripper? You want your sister to be a porn model? A hundred percent of them say no.

They know it’s damaging. They just don’t want the women they love to be damaged. They want other people’s wives, other people’s daughters, other people’s sisters to engage in those activities. It’s kind of a sexual entitlement with a narcissistic twist to it. I want this pleasure but I don’t want my wife, my sister, my daughter to be damaged.

There’s also research done on the damage done by pornography. There are hundreds of studies that look at hundreds of variables. We see damage in terms of their attitude. They become more callous. They become more judging of women.

2. What does the process look like of people becoming addicted to sexually explicit images?

It does take time, and it depends on when you break into the cycle as to seeing what’s actually happening with them. Regrettably, children are now the ones that are exposed to pornography, because of the Internet. The progress of this problem starts very early. Some studies say that children as young as 7 are being exposed. When you start at 7, by the time you’re 20, 30, you’ve got a couple of decades of exposure to this material. So, you see it building up in the message that is both hostile to women and says that sex is a non-intimate, recreational activity that’s degrading, exploiting. And, that message, hostility to women, mixed with the idea that sex is adversarial and casual and recreational, those are the two factors that ultimately lead to the sexual violence that we’re seeing.

If you have used the material to the point where you are now addicted to it, you absolutely will be living a double life. Part of the addictive process is not just denial that there is a problem. The addict is clearly going to have to lie and hide what he is doing. This kind of behavior starts to take over your life more and more. (You) don’t want to go to social activities because it takes you away from Internet porn.

The hidden life, the day man and the night man, get disassociated from each other. It starts to control you rather than you controlling it. Then you start to see all of these problems come up: Changes in attitude, changes in escalating behavior. These men are more likely to go to prostitutes, to engage in risky sexual behavior.

3. How does it affect women?

Women have talked to me in therapy sessions when their husbands are using pornography. They (the couple) have been to a therapist who suggested that they use pornography. The therapist said, This will spice up your sex life. They’ll (women) tell me initially it did spice up our sex life. We did start having more sex and it was more intense, but over time it decreased our emotional intimacy.

4. How has the Internet worsened the problem?

Pornography used to be something that you had to go to the edge of town: (A) sleazy place, slink in public and go to the porn shop and get it. Now you don’t have to slink anywhere. We have a pornography pipeline into our house available 24-7 so that we don’t even have to go anywhere. It’s available instantly. Much of it is free, so that makes a dramatic change. It’s also anonymous. We don’t have to worry that somebody’s going see us in the porn shop.

5. Is there hope for people dealing with this problem?

There is good treatment. It’s long and involved treatment, and it means a commitment by the addict and a support system in which they look at and acknowledge their behavior – how they’ve broken their own promises and violated their own values. Commit yourself to be psychologically healthy, spiritually healthy and then engage in the process of relearning a healthy sex life; relearning a self-esteem that’s not based on the sexual behaviors that you’re engaged in.

It means backtracking and getting truly clean and sober from the material that you’re using. It’s not a problem that we’re going to solve just with therapists. We’ve got to have society come together and say, This material is toxic to all of us. We need journalists, lawyers, educators, everybody to work together to solve this problem, because we won’t therapize our way out of this. We won’t fix this by just dealing with the victims who have been victimized by this. The whole society has been victimized by this.

Source: citizenlink.org

http://www.citizenlink.org/CLtopstories/A000012427.cfm

Mobile Sexualization: Kids Bikes and Sex

Yesterday I came across this blog, written by a Melissa Wardy, a mother and founder of Pig Tail Pals, who is defending the definition of girly and calling out for innocent childhood instead of age inappropriate sexualization by the media and socially irresponsible companies.

We commend her because we believe more parents need to be defending and protecting their children from sexual messages from the media and the community. After all, a connected child is a protected child!

*Reproduced with permission. Enjoy!

Recently, I was shopping with my four year old daughter, comparing prices for her first bicycle. Going on bike rides as a family while growing up is a fond childhood memory of mine, so I was quite excited about Amelia (the Original Pigtail Pal) reaching this milestone. Her grandparents already had a bike waiting for her at their house to use on our visits. My husband and I were looking forward to teaching her to ride this spring so she could razzle dazzle them during our next visit.

My enthusiasm quickly diminished. I was expecting the limited and stereotypical pink/purple/turquoise color choices. I was expecting sparkles and butterflies. I was expecting almost all of the choices to be character branded with my friends from the Disney Princess crew, Hannah Montana, Barbie, etc.

What I wasn’t expecting was that even children’s bicycles have become sexualized. Of all things, the quintessential part of childhood – a first bike – carrying a sexualized message on it. What, might you ask, had me so up in arms? A Huffy bike model, sized 16 inches, displaying the words “Major Flirt” on it. (Recommended for ages: 3-6 years old)

Huffy 16inch Girls Bike: "Major Flirt"

I was shocked. Disgusted, actually. In this day and age, in our hyper-sexualized society, is it really in the best interest of our children to send them freelancing around the neighborhood on a bike letting everyone know they are a flirtatious coquette? And, is “Major Flirt” as bad as Huffy’s “Hot Stuff” 16 inch model, also recommended for 3-6 year old girls. Do 3-6 year old girls have stuff that is hot? Should girls of that age be flirting?
I don’t think so. I went home and researched bike selections at the popular big box stores like Target, K-Mart, Walmart, etc. In the price range we were looking for our daughter’s first bike (under $80), these were the model names from numerous manufacturers: So Sweet, Pop Star, Dream Journey, Spring Fling, Hot Stuff, Major Flirt, Daisy Diva, Sea Star, Twirl, Pizazz, Mist, DeeLite, Jasmine, Precious, and Candy.

Maybe with those names, I’ll be lucky enough to find Amelia a bike helmet that reads “Stepford Wife in Training”. With the exception of ‘Sea Star’, every single model name referred to sweet behavior, sexual behavior, attractive appearace, or a princess. Ugh. So maybe I should let this go and just buy her a Dora bike. It would be easy enough for me to say “That’s not for my child” and choose to spend my money elsewhere. But what about the kids whose parents don’t think that way? This isn’t just about me and my child. It is about all of our children. Remember, the 15 bike models listed above are the top sellers at the major retailers which means: 1) they are mainstream, meaning they are most readily available to the highest number of people, and 2) they are what people are buying because they are what the stores are stocking.

Unless you’re one of the lucky kids with a giant unfinished basement and get to ride your bike indoors, most kids ride their bikes outdoors. In public. Where anybody can see them. So what happens to the little girl who is unfortunate enough to be alone and ride her “Hot Stuff” bike past a group of older boys who surround her and start questioning her on how hot her stuff really is? Can a six year old handle that? Should she have to?

When I first called Huffy Bike Customer Service and asked to speak to someone about the sexually charged children’s bike names, I got the response from two different reps, “Um, no one has ever asked us that before.” Fine. But I was asking now. And I demanded to speak to someone in the marketing department. Ultimately, I received a call from Huffy Bike headquarters and had two very nice conversations with a marketing manager, a mother of two grown daughters. She told me she understood my concern, and told me when Huffy came up with these names ‘Hot Stuff’ and ‘Major Flirt’, they were influenced by fashion and what was popular in girls clothing at the time. She informed me that due to “a number of calls from parents” about these names, Huffy was no longer manufacturing them. Because they are still carried in stores, I asked if Huffy provided stickers or anything that parents could use to cover up the words. She said no. Although still available at retailers and promoted on their website, she said Huffy was trying to be more sensitive to those kind of things. So, I asked for a statement reflecting such. Instead, I got this:

Huffy has been working to help parents and children with bicycling for years. We’ve never seen ourselves as just bike manufacturers. To us, it’s more than that. Biking is a way for both adults and kids to be active outdoors. The Huffy website has a lot of information to help make sure bicycle riding is enjoyable and safe. http://www.huffy.com/ has tips for parents teaching their children how to ride a bike; bicycle safety posters for kids; guides for finding a bike path in your area and much more.

Well. Huh. That’s not really what I was looking for. I wanted a major corporation like Huffy to say something like:

Huffy has been proudly making bikes for parents and children for years. We are more than just bike manufacturers. To us, biking is a way for families to enjoy the outdoors in a healthy and safe way. Connected to our commitment to safety is the knowledge that our bikes carry messages and images that allow for healthy and age appropriate development. We responsibly consider all areas of your child’s safety when developing, marketing, and promoting our cycling products.

After all, this is our children we’re talking about. I can find a bike path on my own. What I have trouble finding is understanding for the thought process that goes into thinking names like ‘Hot Stuff’ and ‘Major Flirt’ are appropriate for a small child. A child that, at 3-6 years of age, would probably lack the social skills and vocabulary necessary to stop sexual advances from a predator or older children. And why the hell do I have to use the phrase “sexual advances” in a post about my daughter’s first bike?

So, Huffy, and the rest of you, here’s our thought for the day: THERE IS NOTHING SEXUAL ABOUT OUR CHILDREN OR THEIR CHILDHOOD.

I spoke to my children’s pediatrician about this, and he was dumb founded. And this is a man who is married to a marketing professor. He said, “Why would parents do that? Why would they have their child on a bike that says that?”. I replied that unfortunately, that is what is sold in the mainstream, Big Box stores. So next I went to my independent bike retailer here in town. His bikes were twice the price, but you could tell the difference in quality. I asked the owner what he thought of all of this, and I watched him get physically uncomfortable. He said “As a parent, I don’t like it. I don’t think that’s right for the kids.” Apparently my local bike shop owner is brighter and more socially conscious than Huffy’s marketing and development department.

Let’s do this. As adults generally concerned about the safety and healthy development of our children, let’s all write to Huffy and ask for a stronger commitment. From a wholesale perspective, they have orders to full fill that would have been written months ago. Retailers are expecting the bikes they bought at market to be on their shelves. Huffy can’t change that. What they can change is the content of their website to reflect the level of commitment they are responsible for. Whether or not these bikes are still in production, the fact remains they are still being sold and they are inappropriate. And they could prove dangerous to our children.

Here’s what Pigtail Pals will do: I had the idea, what if Pigtail Pals created rad stickers that parents could put on their girls’ bike to either cover up sexy/stupid messages, or to just generally empower their girl toward overall awesomeness? Pigtail Pals will be working on two designs for reflective stickers and will have them available in a few weeks. See, Huffy? That was easy.

Here’s what you can do: Write to Huffy so they get a better picture of how committed parents are to ending the hyper-sexualization of childhood. Encourage them to go farther in their steps towards corporate responsibility. Encourage them to do better.

Huffy Bicycle Company
Attn: Ray Thomson, Vice President of Marketing
6551 Centerville Business Pkwy
Centerville, Ohio 45459

True Beauty...Is Perception Everything?

Written by guest writer Michelle Kuhns

Have you seen the show “True Beauty”? It has a generally good principle, that I can agree with, and yet there is still a part of the show that just plain bugs me.



The show started out with ten contestants, who all think they are the most beautiful person. The show really brings out their vanity and the way they interact is sometimes shocking, but they are all there to compete for the cash prize and a photo shoot in People magazines 100 Most Beautiful People issue—and they’re all in it to win. As with any reality TV show, you see them at their best and worst.

Will this show end on a final note of unveiling a truly beautiful individual? Or will we all sit there in the end and say, “Really? THAT’S who won??” Can beauty really be determined by watching a 10 episode montage of set up scenarios of the individuals on screen? And can you really find it when you are limiting yourself to those previously chosen? I have a feeling that I will be greatly disappointed by the end result, because I am fairly sure, that there isn’t anyone on the show that I would comfortably say is truly beautiful.

Which brings us to another question: What is true beauty?

When you look at someone and truly see them for who they are, does their physical appearance really matter? I argue that it does not.

What does true beauty mean to you? A lot of people may depend on what a person actually looks like to help them gauge a person’s beauty. But I want you to think about what matters most about the people you spend your time with.

When you think about your friends, the ones that you call almost every night, and you hang out with every weekend, what is your favorite thing about them? What is it about them that makes you want to be their friend? Is it the fact that they are pretty? Or is it something else? Usually, you choose your friends because you have something in common, or because of the way they act or treat people around them. It’s not something you can tell about a person just by looking at them. It’s not a first glance kind of thing—you have to watch them to see who they are, and what they’re like.

True beauty shines from the inside out. The character of a person: that they are kind, caring, compassionate, honest, the way they react and interact with those around them …the list could go on…. THAT is what makes a person truly beautiful.

Is it any wonder the show is a vague memory? I quickly lost interest in following the shallow fakeness of the contestants, doing what they thought they had to in order to win the game, completely forgetting the entire concept of the shows premise. In fact, I had to Google it myself to find out how it all ended. I’d assumed the show had been cancelled, but here I find it is set to return to air this summer.

Apparently mainstream media is still confused about the true meaning of beauty.

Spring brings Hope, Life and Second Chances to Erie

Spring has sprung in Erie, PA and the outdoors are alive with activity. Nothing bring joy to the soul like warm sunshine and blue sky.

And with the new life of spring comes second chances.

Here at the Women's Care Center we are all about instilling hope, inspiring life, and revealing second chances.

Our Pregnancy Resource offices do this through crisis pregnancy services and counseling by showing women that life and hope are possible for them and their unborn child.

Our Adoption by Choice office does this through providing a little life to a childless family, while giving the birth mom a second chance at achieving her dreams.

Our Education Division does this through teaching teens how to avoid risky behaviors and instead to follow their goals, while reminding sexually active youth that a second chance is always available.

So we hope you enjoy your Easter and this wonderful season of spring. I know we are!

Local Marriage Celebration was a Success!

On Friday March 19th, the Education Division of the Women's Care Center hosted an unique event...A Marriage Celebration.

It was an event which highlighted couples who have struggled yet who are happily married today. It was an event in which the community of Erie could be encouraged and inspired by testimonies of love and commitment. It was an event which gave hope to young people who had never seen a happy marriage.

And I've got good news! The local event was a success!! Here are a few pictures from the evening...

Here Brenda Newport, the Executive Director of the WCC, is welcoming everyone

Our faith parnters supported the event by sponsoring tables

We had lots of yumming food

And yes, lots of dessert!

We had several testimonies from married couples and even singles about the value of marriage. Here a life story followed by a dance is shared, while our staff member Stephanie Lindenberger (right) offers moral support.

The event was such a success that we hope to offer it in the years to come. Thanks to everyone for their support!

Real Beauty

Last night I had the privilege of meeting Stacy Nadeau. One of the "Dove Girls."

Huh??

How about the picture below... Does it ring any bells?

In 2004 Dove launched a bold and global effort to change society's image of beauty. This picture is one of many Dove used in it's Real Beauty Campaign to get people talking.

Stacy is the last one on the right.

Dove wanted to take normal women who were confident in themselves and their bodies and use them to spark much needed change.

So what do you think ladies, would you say that you're beautiful? If you're like the rest of the world, you'd answer no. In fact, in Dove's global survey only 2% of woman answered yes.

Shocking, isn't it?

So what are you going to do about it? Change begins now.

Mixed Messages?...

Yesterday I taught a lesson to students in Roosevelt's afterschool program. The lesson? Alcohol and the Media.


One of the first activities we did was look at some pictures. Here's the first one...

Underneath the cartoon it says "Now, kids, don't look until you're twenty-one." Huh.

Like a kid could survive elementary, middle & high school, not to mention the first few years of college without seeing a single alcohol ad.

So, what do the facts say?

Every year kids and teens see close to 20,000 commercials. Of these, approximately 2,000 are for alcoholic beverages. Add to these other forms of advertising (magazine ads, billboards, Web sites and brand-related clothing and products), signage at sporting events, sponsorship of professional and college teams and sports TV and radio programs, and most young people will have seen approximately 100,000 alcohol ads by the time they turn 18.

Point made. On to my next photo...

A "Don't Serve Alcohol to Teens" PSA next to a Bud Light billboard that says "Always Worth It."

Talk about mixed messages! How is a teen who's brain functions more on emotions and hormones rather than decision making and delay of gratification supposed to navigate such confusing messages?

The best answer. Parents need to be parents. But it is also our generation who profits from such advertising stunts like the one above.

My job? To simply point out the goal behind such advertising...$$$



So why ladies would a cute guy be holding two adorable puppies? To get your attention. And if they can get you to look at the guy or the puppies they've accomplished their mission! You took time to look at their ad and have associated "cute" with Molson.

Any guesses as to which magazine this ad was featured in? Cosmopolitan, an exclusively female magazine which targets 18-35 year old ladies.

By having the teens at Roosevelt deconstruct such ads, my hope is that they will become more critical and discerning of the ads that they see and the messages they send.

Here's the last picture I showed them...

"With so many things to do, no wonder most kids choose not to drink." We then focused on what things teens can do instead of drinking.

The teens walked away being more informed about the dangers of alcohol and the messages the media sends about drinking. Hopefully they will continue to be able to dissect the truth from the lie.

How do Erie Teens React to the Abstinence Message?

THEY GET IT!

Created by Elizabeth Ybanez of McDowell High School. The cartoon appeared in the student magazine called Blue and White Times during the February Valentine's Day issue.

Fatherhood Highlight at the Super Bowl

Renae Smith, National Fatherhood Initiative's Special Assistant to the President, wanted to share this reflection on the Super Bowl. Here are her thoughts:

The New Orleans Saints’ 31-17 victory over the Indianapolis Colts in Super Bowl XLIV certainly was a thrilling moment for the city of New Orleans, still rebuilding after the devastation of Hurricane Katrina. Saints fans across the country rejoiced as their team won its first Championship in franchise history at their first Super Bowl appearance – including my crazy friends who jumped around the living room yelling and giving high-fives when cornerback Tracy Porter intercepted Peyton Manning’s pass for a 74-yard touchdown, turning the game for the Saints.

Better than lifting the Lombardi

But in the midst of the excitement, television viewers got a glimpse into a touching moment between a father and son when Drew Brees, quarterback of the Saints and MVP of the game, brought his one-year-old son Baylen onto the field to experience the victory celebration. The little guy seemed quite fascinated with the flashing lights and action around him, securely held by his father, who protected the little boy’s ears from the noise of the stadium with headphones. It was clearly an emotional moment for Brees, kissing his son, whispering to him, and maybe holding back a few tears – as you can see in this video.

During the Vince Lombardi trophy presentation, Brees put what he was feeling into words: “What can I say? The birth of my son this year as well, during the first year of his life we get a Super Bowl Championship - he’s been my inspiration as well, so it just doesn’t get any better than that.” It seems to Brees that as great as winning the Super Bowl is, it doesn’t beat being a father.

The television cameras captured another Saints dad experiencing the excitement with his children – linebacker Scott Fujita holding his two-year-old twin daughters.

My dad told me after the game was over that there’s something in every father that wants to share these special times with their kids. Though most of us have never been Super Bowl Champions, we each have small moments of victory and celebration that are made all the more sweet just by having our children there with us.

Speak their Language this Valentine's Day

Ever give someone a thoughtful gift only to see them politely thank you for it instead of the thrilled “It’s what I’ve always wanted” exclamation you were hoping for? What about your spouse who may say “I love you,” but then walk by the piles of laundry and stacks of dishes?

What you may come to find is that you and your loved ones speak different languages when it comes to love. You may be thinking “Really, is that possible? Isn’t love supposed to be the universal language?”

Well not according to Gary Chapman author of the book The 5 Love Languages. In his book, Chapman uncovers the different ways people feel loved:gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time and physical touch. And the trick is, we tend to give love in the way we want to receive love.

Not sure what your love language is? No problem! Take the quiz below to find out what you are.



And when you’re done, try to figure out the love languages of your loved ones. Don’t forget to send them a Valentine’s Day e-card that speaks love to them!

Find the 5 Love Languages cards here: http://www.fivelovecards.com/

So celebrate this Valentine’s Day in a fresh new way by truly loving your special someone in their language.

Finding Her Confidence: Miss America 2010

Caressa Cameron is 22 years old and a senior broadcast communications major at Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond, VA. She is an average girl who is 5 foot 4 inches and wears a size 7.

But for Caressa, she’s accomplished something that many girls only dream of. On Jan 30, 2010 Caressa was crowned Miss American 2010. She is only the third Miss Virginia to ever win the national title.

See a picture of Caressa and anyone would quickly admit she’s beautiful. Hear her talk and you’d say she’s intelligent. Listen to her sing and she’ll stun you with her full and confident voice.

However, before she won Miss American and before she competed for Miss Virginia, Caressa Cameron would admit she was an awkward teenager at Massaponax High School. Watch the video below to hear her talk about what it was like to be teased and how she learned to embrace her unwanted nickname, Wolverine.

See the video by clicking: here

New Study: Abstinence Education Effective; Comprehensive Sex Ed a Big Flop

New Study:
Abstinence Education Effective; Comprehensive Sex Ed a Big Flop
Robert Rector Senior Research Fellow
The Heritage Foundation

A new study released Feb 1st, shows that abstinence education is highly effective in reducing sexual activity among youth. It also showed "safe sex" and "comprehensive" sex ed programs to be ineffective.

Students participating in an eight-hour abstinence program showed a one-third decrease in rates of sexual activity compared to non-participants. This decrease persisted a full two years after they attended the class.

By contrast, safe sex (promoting only contraceptive use) and comprehensive sex ed (teaching both abstinence and contraceptive use) programs didn't affect youth behavior at all. Students in these programs showed no reduction in sexual activity and no increase in contraceptive use, in either the short or long term.

The study, involving black middle-school students, appears in the February 2010 Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine, published by the American Medical Association. Employing state-of-the-art evaluation techniques, the study used random assignment to place students into four groups: a group that received instruction solely in abstinence; a safe-sex group instructed in contraceptive use; a comprehensive, or mixed message, group taught both abstinence and contraceptive use; and a control group that received health education unrelated to sex.

The abstinence program proved very effective in delaying the onset of sexual activity. Students in this program were one third less likely to initiate sexual activity when compared to students in the other three groups. And if these same students did become sexually active, they were not less likely to use contraceptives than other students. By contrast, safe sex and comprehensive sex ed classes had no effect on student behavior; students in these classes did not reduce sexual activity nor increase contraceptive use when compared to the control group.

This study, conducted by Drs. John and Loretta Jemmott of the University of Pennsylvania, joins a long list of evaluations demonstrating the effectiveness of abstinence education. Prior to the current study, there had been 15 scientific evaluations of abstinence education, 11 of which had shown that abstinence programs were effective in reducing sexual activity. (See this 2008 Heritage paper for a review of these earlier studies.) However, the new Jemmott study is the first evaluation showing positive results which employed full random assignment. As a result, it cannot be dismissed on methodological grounds.

Click here to view the study

Click here to read the editorial

Teen Pregnancy: bogus problem, bogus solution

The following is a blog by Robert Rector, senior research fellow at the Heritage Foundation. The blog was featured on National Review Online on Wednesday Jan 27, 2009.

____________________________________________

Teen Pregnancy: Bogus Problem, Bogus Solution

The Guttmacher Institute recently released a report raising alarm over a one-year increase in teen pregnancy. “Safe sex” experts quickly pinned the blame on abstinence education.

This is a bit hypocritical. In the decade after the federal government began its meager funding of abstinence education, teen pregnancy fell steadily. Safe-sex experts never linked that decline to abstinence education. But when the news went bad, they swiftly identified abstinence programs as the culprit.

But did teen pregnancy actually rise in 2006, as Guttmacher claims? It depends on what you mean by “teen.” For most people, “teen pregnancy” implies pregnancy among high-schoolers, girls under age 18. According to Guttmacher’s own data, the pregnancy rate for 15- to 17-year-old girls barely changed, and the rate for girls 14 and under (the group most affected by abstinence programs) actually dropped.

By contrast, the pregnancy and birth rates for young adult women aged 18 and 19 rose sharply.

The rise in pregnancies and births in this age range is part of a much larger story: the collapse of marriage and explosive growth of out-of-wedlock births in lower income communities.

Between 1997 and 2007, the percentage of births outside of marriage rose from 32.4 percent to 39.7 percent of all births in the U.S. Very few of these non-marital births occurred to minor girls; most were to less-educated young adult women aged 18 to 26. Since non-married moms are less likely to postpone childbearing than those who patiently wait for marriage, it should be no surprise that the ongoing collapse of marriage in low-income communities would lead to a bump in the birth rate among 18- and 19-year-olds.

In the grand scheme of things, the issue of “teen” pregnancy is dwarfed by its much larger cousin, the disintegration of marriage. Marital collapse is a catastrophe for taxpayers and society; the welfare costs alone exceed $250 billion per year. As noted, little of this problem results from teenagers getting pregnant in high school. Of the 1.7 million children born out of wedlock in 2007 only 136,000 (or 7 percent) had mothers under age 18.

“Teen pregnancy” is largely a red herring, hyped by the Left because it supports their agenda of condom promotion and permissive sex ed in the schools. Of course, condom proselytizing is a bogus answer to real social problems. Contrary to conventional wisdom, lack of access to birth control is not a significant factor contributing to non-marital pregnancy among teens or non-teens.

Harvard sociologist Kathryn Edin recently conducted a survey of lower income men and women who had experienced (or, in the case of men, caused) one or more non-marital pregnancies. The survey asked whether the individuals had, ever in their lives, been in a situation where they wanted to use birth control, but could not afford it or could not obtain it. All answered no.

Many laughed at the suggestion that their pregnancies had been caused by a lack of access to contraceptives, noting that contraceptives are abundant and aggressively promoted by schools and clinics in their communities. Of all the non-marital pregnancies reported in the study, not one was caused by lack of availability of contraceptives.

The explosive rise in out-of-wedlock births is due not to a lack of contraceptives, but to a crisis in the relationships of young adult men and women in lower income communities. Couples no longer see the need to be married before having children, and they lack the skills to form stable relationships. Ironically, young non-married parents yearn for eventual stable marriages and healthy families, but they utterly lack the skills and understanding to fulfill their aspirations.

Another irony: One of the greatest sins of abstinence-education programs (in the Left’s view) has been their effort to teach low-income youth that it is best to marry before having children. This affront to political correctness has outraged the Left and has been a principal motivator behind the drive to remove abstinence education from the classroom.

Next year we can expect the out-of-wedlock childbearing rate to top 40 percent. A chilling number, but one which won’t affect the Left’s campaign to promote bogus issues and bogus solutions.

— Robert Rector is a senior research fellow at the Heritage Foundation.

It Starts with You!

What if you could change a person's day? All it takes is a minute of your time...and a little creativity.

That's the thought behind Operation Beautiful. A website which initiated a movement which seeks to post anonymous notes in public places for other women to find. The point is that WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL.

Here's a few of the most recent postings:

--------------------------------------------

Here’s a message from a DAD! Michael wrote, “I’m the father of a beautiful soon-to-be 17 year old daughter, and my wife and I wanted to say thank-you to Operation Beautiful. She asked me to help solve a problem with her laptop and her desktop wallpaper was a picture she took of multiple post-it notes with OperationBeautiful.com phrases. When asked, she shared that she always has some with her and puts them in bathrooms and other girl places (fitting rooms, etc.) whenever she gets the chance. She recently rented Step-Up and took a picture before sending back to Blockbuster. I hope it makes it to the next renter!”

Alexis wrote, “When I found out about Operation Beautiful, I cried. I’ve been struggling with my own self confidence and an eating disorder. When I found out about what everyone was doing it made me so happy. After visiting the site I decided to post up a few myself because I know a lot of girl in my school that are going through the same thing . I posted a bunch in my school bathrooms and they stay up usually for the day.”

So check it out and start leaving some of your own notes...whether it's for your wife, daughter, coworkers, friends, or a random stranger. Be the difference in their day!

Not Buying into The Proposal

Last night my husband and I watch the Proposal. As the movie began you see Sandra Bullock dressed in an all black suit playing the role of Margaret, a “witch” like manager of a publishing firm running a strict shift among her employees. Enter Andrew, played by Ryan Reynolds, as the overworked yet ambitious assistant.

The plot thickens when Margaret learns of her near deportation to Canada due to an expired Visa. Grasping for a way out of her predicament, Margaret decides to blackmail Andrew into marrying her, thus saving her career – and as she tells Andrew – his as well.

The twist comes when Andrew has to take Margaret along with him to his hometown in Alaska to celebrate his grandmother’s 90th birthday. The pseudo-couple are under pressure to prove the genuineness of the relationship or else be accused of committing fraud.

The parts of the movie which astound me are the sly messages about sex woven throughout the movie.

For instance, when the couple arrives at Andrew’s parents’ home they are led into a bedroom with one big bed. Margaret notes the bed and asks, “So where is Andrew’s room?” To which his parents rely something to the effect of, “We aren’t so silly as to assume that you both aren’t already sleeping together.”

Talk about setting high standards for your only son and his supposed fiancé! And not only does this send the message that sleeping together before marriage is expected, but it also communicates that parents should be supportive of this arrangement!

Later Margaret is resting on the bed, while Andrew is on the floor. She begins to share more intimate details of her life, revealing her softer side despite all her attempts to prove her hard headed, independent feminism. She shares about her parents’ death, details of her tattoo, memories of her first concert, and (of course Hollywood!) – the length of time since she has last been with a man sexually – 1 ½ years.

Andrew silently listens and when Margaret finishes he admits he is “Processing.” Then he bursts out, “You haven’t had sex for 18 months!”

As if a person becomes less of a person if they have had periods of abstinence in their life!

When speaking with youth we ask the question – is sex a need or a desire for an individual? With the need to reproduce and continue the human race aside, sex is not a need. I joke around and ask the students, “If I walk around the Erie cemetery, would I see a tombstone that said ‘Here lays Joe Smith. He died because he didn’t get any.” To which the students chuckle and realize the lie that they have become to believe.

The lie seen in virtually every movie, television show, music lyric, magazine cover, internet site, and product ad.

Teens begin to believe that they must have sex in order to prove something. Prove they are a real man or woman, prove that they are cool, or even…sadly…that they can get attention and love (or so they think).

You see, that’s the problem in Hollywood. Too may people have confused not only sex as a need instead of a desire, but also confused sex with love.

They take something that is an emotional need for all of us – love – and twist it so that we believe that sex equals love. Even beyond that, they equate lust with love!

So parents, think critically about the movies you watch and discuss the underlying messages with your teens. And teens don’t be conned! Learn to decipher the lies from the truth.

(The use of the Proposal is for discussion only and I am in no way recommending or supporting the film.)