Dating violence is a serious issue which isn't ignored at the Women's Care Center. From our staff who counsels couples towards healthy relationships to our educators in the classroom teaching on the "con games" in relationships, we are developing hope in and for our community.
That is why this recent blog by I Am That Girl was so sad to me. Sad because it involved dating violence in my hometown of Charlottesville, VA. Violence which ended in a murder. Sad because no one said anything. Sad because it could have been prevented.
by Ashley Thill
Could she have been saved? That is the question on the minds of many after the death of Yeardley Love. Love was a lacrosse player for the women’s team at the University of Virginia. She was a beautiful and sweet 22-year-old, set to graduate. She was found dead in her apartment nearly a month ago. Her ex-boyfriend, George Huguely, a fellow lacrosse player on the men’s team, stands accused in the case of her murder. After the story broke, more news came forward about Huguely’s violent and obsessive ways. Those near Love and Huguely seemed to recognize his temper and his fixation on Love. Yet no one came forward or said anything. This is why the University of Virginia and the nation is reeling about whether Yeardley Love’s murder could have been prevented.
Huguely’s lawyers are calling his actions “an accident with a tragic aftermath.” However, dating violence is no accident and should not be treated as such. The National Violence Against Women Survey, co-sponsored by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and the National Institute of Justice, reported that nearly 25% of women report being physically assaulted or raped in their lifetime. That adds up to nearly 4.8 million female victims of intimate partner violence each year.
Many young people who are victims of dating violence often don’t realize that there is something wrong. They have little experience and may think that it is “normal” relationship behavior or it will stop. Obviously, none of the people around Love thought to go to someone about Huguely’s behavior toward her nor does it appear that Love did so herself.
Dating violence isn’t just physical either. The CDC classifies different forms of dating violence as verbal, emotional, physical and sexual. The last two are often the most focused on but verbal and emotional abuse can take a toll; they also may be the least recognizable. These types can be confused as teasing (such as when dating partners call each other names) or as a sign of love, like when someone threatens to hurt him or herself if a partner expresses desire to end the relationship.
The most important thing is to educate adolescents so they learn from a young age to recognize dating violence. Incorporating curriculum about dating violence into health classes is one way to ensure young people are exposed to signs of violence and abuse early.
The saddest part of this whole story is that Love’s death probably could have been prevented, if someone had intervened. Now not only is this young woman dead, but Huguely faces life in prison. If something had been done, both Love and Huguely could have gone on to lead fulfilling lives. It’s our turn as a society to learn something from this tragedy and prevent cases like it form happening in the future.
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